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Alcohol aside, I strongly suggest he see a Neurologist . There are several conditions that his symptoms could suggest, not sure how you go about that in Canada but I would do it.
When my DH was being uncooperative about his neurological symptoms and telling me what happened at the doctor's office I wrote a letter to all of his doctors describing his symptoms and my concerns. I wanted them all on the same page. There is nothing legally that prevents you from giving them that information even though they may not be able to respond with information to you.
Then, the next time he saw the neurologist I rode along and when they called him into the office I just tagged along behind. Surprise. The neurologist did address my concerns and did it so well that it touched his heart. I had my fingers crossed all of this wouldn't result in an explosion of anger but she was able to put it in terms of all of us caring about him and his health.
On the spot she urged us to sign releases of information so that both of us would have a say in each others' wellness care. This was the absolute best way to handle what had been a sticky situation when I was trying to do it by myself at home.
A lot of what the problem is, I think, is fear as a man ages what will happen to him, to his loved ones and sometimes when people are afraid they just get balky.
You can't diagnosis alcoholism with a blood test nor with how much a person drinks per week. Those give an idea but aren't reliable criteria so I wouldn't focus there. You are correct in perceiving it is more about mood and behavior.
Either go to Alanon and learn from others who live with an alcoholic what they see and feel. This is free and they can help a lot. Or find a new doctor and get a release of information from the other doctor. Then tell the new doctor everything you've told us before the first appointment.
Don't count on doctors too much to help with alcoholism. Very few have much education or understanding about it even though in the States it was declared a medical disease in 1956. But if a doctor perceives an alcohol problem you do deserve a reference. What kind of a doctor refuses to treat or refer a health issue?
In my state , a spouse can do any of the following: commit their spouse to a psychiatric ward. Review and grant permission for testing of the spouse. Grant surgical procedures. Without a 200$ consult by a lawyer to draw up papers.
The next of kin law remains in effect ...that in the event a family member is capacited it follows a chain of command. Spouse....parent, children of legal age.
Our hospital is stringent in protecting patient records...the spouse though is allowed to be informed if they so inquire on procedures...prognosis.
It sure seems counter productive to not encapsulate the spouse in medical decisions or awareness...they are accountable for the welfare according to the laws.
I seriously cannot marry again because giving my spouse the power to toss me in the loony bin just isn't a romantic gesture...
Just think of the window that is opened with alcohol,pancreatic cancer,pancreas cannot handle it,had brother in law die of pancreatic cancer,very horrible painful death.
I live in Canada and there seems to be a problem with my husband.
He doesn't appear well and had very serious conversation with him last summer. A couple of weeks later, he talked to me and said that he doesn't feel well and wanted to see the doctor.
We went together and I spoke of all the problems of memory loss, unable to complete a sentence, ramble, mood swings, not remembering to eat, not drinking any water, but will drink de-caffinated or diet pop and beer (not a lot, but doesn't eat). I also mentioned his diet choices are poor.
The doctor did some tests. Blood work show that everything is okay, but should take vitamin D because "we all need it" and omega vitamin pill. Was also diagnosed with sleep apnea.
After a few months, I saw some improvement, (once he got CPAP machine) including our close friends that we don't see frequently due to distance.
I have to say it was like pulling teeth to get information from the doctor and I caught my husband lying when I asked him of tests results. For example, our dr said he can't disclose his findings, so I told him that I'm aware he has sleep apnea because of the machine, and wanted to know the range. Dr. wouldn't disclose it. My husband lied to me and said it was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea.
It was the CPAP store that disclosed it to me that my husband has severe sleep apnea as they received a copy of the report from the sleep doctor.
With my last visit with the dr when I went to get renewal of my prescription, dr. said he thinks my husband is an alcoholic but won't tell me how to get him help. His only answer was that it is up to him to get help.
My husband is unemployed and I work. He never smell like alcohol, but he showers before I get home. I can't comment on the beer because he could have restocked before I get home from work. When we vacation or hang out with friends, and drink, he never suffer from hangover and when drinking a lot, you can't smell any alcohol from his breath.
From what I can tell, he would have maximum of up to 4 beers in one day (not when we vacation, during that time, a lot more)
I need help on to get true medical information and if he has a problem, I need help on knowing how to get him help.
Honestly, at this point the best help that you could give your husband is for you to seek out an Alanon group.....start attending and learning how to cope and take care of yourself. Regarding his not disclosing if he is an alcoholic....you may not see visible signs.....and the alcoholic does have to take responsibility and do what they can to help themselves.
Step one....You need to get support for yourself so that you can make some logical rational decisions going forward. Seek professional individual counseling and/or a support group like alanon or co-dependency. You can get through this and anything by taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally with support. Below are just a few links that I found and wanted to share with you. There are others like me that have been where you find yourself. Reach out anytime.
My husband has leukemia. I go with him to every doctor's visit, and I spend a lot of time in the hospital when he's hospitalized. No doc has even asked him if it's OK for me to be in the room. They just start talking.
You're in the room with him not asking for information privately. My mother often takes one of us kids with her to appointments to have a "second set of ears" to help her remember, understand and ask questions because it can be overwhelming. If you go in with the patient at the patients request then the Dr will speak freely including answering questions you pose.
In the US we both had to sign paperwork to allow us to get information without the other present.
It was kinda funny though, because I just wanted to discuss the charges on an invoice, that's how we ended up signing the authorizations.
I called trying to straighten out a bill for BC my 17 year old daughter that my insurance didn't pay. The hospital would not discuss the charges with me because of privacy although both the bill and the insurance were in MY name for my underage daughter. I understand privacy but sometimes the laws are ludicrous. I had to drag my daughter in with me to their billing office so that she could sit in a chair while I argued with them in person and my insurance over the phone so that I could get it straightened out because what 17 year old is equipped to deal with that bureaucratic BS?
I found this link to symptoms and complications of sleep apnea. Alcohol is a contributor, as is being male, overweight and diabetic. I want to encourage you to have a look at the article. If these symptoms and associations sound like your husband, then I suspect your doc is on the right track.
Apparently sleep apnea can cause lack of focus, which is a symptom you have noticed in his conversation.
Encourage your husband to use his CPAP. If he complains about disconfort, see about getting an adjustment, if that is feasible. I also think that he should talk with his doc about whether cutting back on alcohol is a good idea, and if it would help with his apnea.
Some men find it very hard to change habits. Through the years I’ve seen diabetic guys who never change how they eat, or get exercise, for instance. Your DH does not want to put up with, or admit he needs, the CPAP. But his doc thinks otherwise. Instead of searching for other answers, I think you should strongly encourage him to sleep at night with the CPAP for at least a month, to see how it helps or does not help. If it does not help, then you both can revisit the doc.
If he refuses to use the CPAP, then, IMO, you have another problem which I do not think YOU will be able to solve.
I called trying to straighten out a bill for BC my 17 year old daughter that my insurance didn't pay. The hospital would not discuss the charges with me because of privacy although both the bill and the insurance were in MY name for my underage daughter. I understand privacy but sometimes the laws are ludicrous. I had to drag my daughter in with me to their billing office so that she could sit in a chair while I argued with them in person and my insurance over the phone so that I could get it straightened out because what 17 year old is equipped to deal with that bureaucratic BS?
Remind me of this story I saw the other day about a Father who could not get access to his 12 year old daughter's medical records without her permission. I can see both sides of this issue.
You're in the room with him not asking for information privately. My mother often takes one of us kids with her to appointments to have a "second set of ears" to help her remember, understand and ask questions because it can be overwhelming. If you go in with the patient at the patients request then the Dr will speak freely including answering questions you pose.
By rights, the doc is still supposed to ask if it's OK for the spouse to be there.
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