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Old 09-20-2019, 09:55 AM
 
13 posts, read 6,534 times
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My older daughter is 13 and is 7th grade. Recently she started breaking out very badly. It's all over her face. Poor girl has cystic acne. The doctor prescribed her accutane and she started it today. She was a healthy eater before this and is still a healthy eater.
I am seeing the effects on her emotionally. She's shy and withdrawn now, before she was a social butterfly. She doesn't smile that often anymore which breaks my heart.
I have had acne since I was 12. At 43, I still have acne on my chin and jaw. I remember how it destroyed me as a teen and made me withdrawn. I remember the depression and anxiety. I remember all the miss opportunities I have had because of my acne. Her father, my husband, has never had acne. He loves me so I hope she sees that a girl can have acne and find boys who will love her.
I also have an 11 year old daughter in 5th grade. Today she woke up with a huge pimple on her chin. She was so upset I let her stay from school. Already she developed two more pimples on her chin. Seems like she is getting acne earlier than I feared. She's miserable that she seems to be getting bad skin like my older daughter.
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Old 09-20-2019, 09:59 AM
 
3,014 posts, read 2,210,381 times
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Be proactive. Take them to a dermatologist, multiple times if necessary, to discuss medication but also skin care, etc. I don't know how I feel about makeup at those ages, but I would consider it if it would make a big difference in their confidence.

Most importantly, be sure you compliment them in other ways. Their brilliance, humor, kindness, helpfulness, etc. Build up their confidence in other areas so that their confidence doesn't just come from physical appearance.
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Old 09-20-2019, 10:31 AM
 
13 posts, read 6,534 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Be proactive. Take them to a dermatologist, multiple times if necessary, to discuss medication but also skin care, etc. I don't know how I feel about makeup at those ages, but I would consider it if it would make a big difference in their confidence.

Most importantly, be sure you compliment them in other ways. Their brilliance, humor, kindness, helpfulness, etc. Build up their confidence in other areas so that their confidence doesn't just come from physical appearance.
I am being proactive. Should I also compliment their looks ? I mean, I think they're very pretty girls.

I have been letting my older daughter wear makeup and I will let my younger daughter wear makeup.
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Old 09-20-2019, 10:33 AM
 
13 posts, read 6,534 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Be proactive. Take them to a dermatologist, multiple times if necessary, to discuss medication but also skin care, etc. I don't know how I feel about makeup at those ages, but I would consider it if it would make a big difference in their confidence.

Most importantly, be sure you compliment them in other ways. Their brilliance, humor, kindness, helpfulness, etc. Build up their confidence in other areas so that their confidence doesn't just come from physical appearance.
I am being proactive. I have been letting my older daughter wear makeup and will let my younger daughter wear makeup. Should I compliment their looks ? I think they are gorgeous girls.
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Wine Country
6,103 posts, read 8,778,950 times
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I raised 4 girls and they all dealt with acne to differing degrees. The oldest got it very bad at 13 but then it went away. The second oldest did not get it bad in her teens but now has it in her 20's but it is not bad. The youngest had it by far the worst. She went on accutane which cleared it up and no longer has any problems. She was a real ***** when she was on it!

Being a teenage girl is really rough. No need to constantly compliment them on their looks. Your love and support go a lot farther, as well being a good listener.

Just keep telling yourself that they will grow out of it one day.
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:22 PM
 
3,014 posts, read 2,210,381 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingMom2019 View Post
I am being proactive. Should I also compliment their looks ? I mean, I think they're very pretty girls.

I have been letting my older daughter wear makeup and I will let my younger daughter wear makeup.
My apologies... I did not mean to insinuate that you have not been proactive. Clearly you know how difficult this is and have been getting them help. I should have said to keep it up!

In general, I avoid complimenting my girls on their physical attributes because society does ENOUGH of that already. It's never bad to recognize (and help THEM recognize) their various strengths!
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:26 PM
 
13 posts, read 6,534 times
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Originally Posted by Luckyd609 View Post
I raised 4 girls and they all dealt with acne to differing degrees. The oldest got it very bad at 13 but then it went away. The second oldest did not get it bad in her teens but now has it in her 20's but it is not bad. The youngest had it by far the worst. She went on accutane which cleared it up and no longer has any problems. She was a real ***** when she was on it!

Being a teenage girl is really rough. No need to constantly compliment them on their looks. Your love and support go a lot farther, as well being a good listener.

Just keep telling yourself that they will grow out of it one day.
Well, the only problem with your advice is telling them they grow out of it. I'm 43, my sister is 47, and my mom is 69, and we all still have acne. I have been on accutane 3 times and it never cleared me. I have done lasers, I have done birth control, I have chemical peels, I changed my diet, i have done a antiobitics, i have done antifungal, so many treatments, some very expensive, I have done and nothing worked.
Me waiting for it to clear was part of my problem. My husband was my 1st boyfriend, who I met at 28 years old waiting for my acne to clear. So they may have it for the rest of their lives.
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:30 PM
 
13 posts, read 6,534 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
My apologies... I did not mean to insinuate that you have not been proactive. Clearly you know how difficult this is and have been getting them help. I should have said to keep it up!

In general, I avoid complimenting my girls on their physical attributes because society does ENOUGH of that already. It's never bad to recognize (and help THEM recognize) their various strengths!
Society does compliment women's looks a lot. But not 13 year old and 11 year old girls. The raining compliments then to start at 18. I grew up thinking all boys found me ugly because I had acne and I don't want them to grow up feeling that way.
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Old 09-20-2019, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Wine Country
6,103 posts, read 8,778,950 times
Reputation: 12324
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingMom2019 View Post
Well, the only problem with your advice is telling them they grow out of it. I'm 43, my sister is 47, and my mom is 69, and we all still have acne. I have been on accutane 3 times and it never cleared me. I have done lasers, I have done birth control, I have chemical peels, I changed my diet, i have done a antiobitics, i have done antifungal, so many treatments, some very expensive, I have done and nothing worked.
Me waiting for it to clear was part of my problem. My husband was my 1st boyfriend, who I met at 28 years old waiting for my acne to clear. So they may have it for the rest of their lives.
I am not telling you to tell them they will grow out of it. I was telling you. Your case of adult acne sounds horrible and I am sorry for what you have gone through. But I think you might be an exception and not the rule.

I have had acne on my chin up until menopause but nothing horrible. Just a pain in the butt.
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Old 09-20-2019, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
6,801 posts, read 11,448,371 times
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I’m not doubting they are upset with their acne, but remember at age 13 the angst is five feet deep no matter what. My mother had 3 girls in four years. No wonder she died young.

Make sure they are NOT touching their faces constantly.
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