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I am the OP's wife. I fell in love with him 46 years ago because he was smart and witty and funny and verbal. He could talk about anything....books, sports, music, he knew it all or pretended he knew it all. When he started using marijuana tincture and edibles 7 years ago, he changed. He doesn't talk as much now and he forgets things all the time. His reactions are slower and when he is driving, he forgets where we are going. Most of the people in our neighborhood didn't know him before he starting using, they think he's a nice guy who is forgetful and sometimes mumbles. My family and his former co-workers all see a dramatic change, his co-workers look at me with questioning concern. He sees his primary physician about once a month, and has been to a thyroid specialist where they diagnosed him with borderline hyperthyroidism and prescribed medication.
He has complained about being cold and dizzy for at least 2 years. Finally, I said, "you always say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. Why don't you try giving up marijuana for awhile." So he stopped using for 5 days, and on the 4th and 5th days he was no longer cold or dizzy. But then, for some reason, he decided to start using again. And that's when I said, "I'm done with this. I want my husband back and I know he is in there, but you are holding him hostage. Only you can fix this." If he had dementia, I would adapt to that, but his choices are making us both miserable.
Maybe your husband has some medical issues going on. You should be open to listening to his wants and needs and really try to dig down into what's going on and why he feels he needs to use medical marijuana. Have you jointly sat down with his doctor(s) to try to understand 1st hand what they have to say?
You've made it this far and I don't think divorce is the answer over something so small and silly. Surely you've developed communication skills over four and a half decades and can talk this through.
Also: don't worry too much about what your friends, family, and especially neighbors think. Sure those people can be important, but they're not your husband. Worry about what he thinks. Don't worry how things might "appear" to others from the outside looking in. Odds are your and your husband's business is not on their primary list of concerns anyway, and if it is then they don't have enough of their own problems to worry about.
We've been married for 45 years. When marijuana was approved in Oregon for recreational use I visited dispensaries for THC tincture. The tincture is easier to use then smoked marijuana, but it lasts much longer. She says I'm not the same person she married and admired. Lately I've been somewhat dizzy in the morning and I'm cold almost all the time. I don't know if this is related to THC use, but to keep my marriage intact I have thrown out anything related to THC. I also stopped drinking a few months ago so we'll see how this works all out.
Is there anyone else who has made the same decision?
Good for you! My dad did the same thing. You might want to make an appointment with your doctor to talk about the issues you were having that might have been related to THC as well as to whatever you decided to take it for in the first place.
I mean that most people who have had a couple drinks or a small amount of marijuana believe their behavior is not affected. They think that they are acting exactly as they would if they hadn't had anything. I mean, admittedly, they aren't drunk or anything. But even small amounts change people's behavior. They will say that they're fine, and they may be in regards to not being in danger. But they are NOT themselves. For a spouse that deals someone who is behaving differently, but insists that they're not, that can be frustrating.
I have, unfortunately, been around a lot of drug and alcohol use. Most people were not what would typically be considered problem users, but recreational. Without fail, every one of them behaved differently in some regard, even with a relatively small amount. When you are the one using, you don't even realize it. You think you are fine. But you really are not the same.
I was never a drug user, but I was a social drinker. I quit drinking for health reasons. It was intended to be temporary. But I never realized how much even 2 glasses of wine affected people until I wasn't enjoying a glass with them. Of course they're not raging drunks or anything, but their behavior definitely changes. It was enough that I decided to not pick it up again after I recovered from my illness. Now edibles are popular here. I flat out asked a friend once if she was high. She said, "I only had half a small edible to relax, but I'm not high." But if I could tell, then obviously even that small amount changed her behavior.
So, if your wife is telling you that it affects your behavior, it probably is. I will also say that I just don't think drugs or alcohol is a healthy way to deal with every day life. Not saying that's what you're doing, but I lot of people do.
This is excellent. I think you hit on 2 important points:
1) Usage of a drug/booze need not descend into true addiction for it to be problematic within a relationship. In other words, just because someone isn't an addict doesn't mean there's not a problem.
2) It cannot be said enough that the user does not really have a clear picture of what they're like when they're using. EVen, as you pointed out, the 1-2 glasses of wine user. For the person with them, it's plainly obvious that you're a different person to some degree.
Way before we got married, my wife and I had to work through (successfully) a weed usage issue (hers). She was resistant for a couple reasons...she thought I was insisting she was an addict, and she had no idea how she was perceived when stoned (all her friends were stoners).
I've never used Sativa, always Indica. The tincture was Dr Jollys and was 56% THC. I used 1/2 of an eye dropper, which I'm pretty sure was way too much. In any event, I threw it all away. I'm able to get 6 hours of solid sleep, which for me is adequate to function optimally.
Thanks, Willamette City. I looked up Dr. Jolly's indica tincture on a website but wasn't able to tell how much THC is in a serving. 56% THC doesn't mean much except that presumably it's the ratio between THC and CBD. It would be helpful to know how much THC you were getting in a dose (although it's a moot point since you are no longer using it). I hope you can find a non-psychoactive way to get your six hours of sleep.
Maybe your husband has some medical issues going on. You should be open to listening to his wants and needs and really try to dig down into what's going on and why he feels he needs to use medical marijuana. Have you jointly sat down with his doctor(s) to try to understand 1st hand what they have to say?
You've made it this far and I don't think divorce is the answer over something so small and silly. Surely you've developed communication skills over four and a half decades and can talk this through.
Also: don't worry too much about what your friends, family, and especially neighbors think. Sure those people can be important, but they're not your husband. Worry about what he thinks. Don't worry how things might "appear" to others from the outside looking in. Odds are your and your husband's business is not on their primary list of concerns anyway, and if it is then they don't have enough of their own problems to worry about.
My family was concerned that he was in the early stages of dementia. They saw him go from a bright, communicative person with an interest in activities, to a slow, non-verbal, inactive person. We went to a psychiatrist to ask about a dementia test. She said to test for dementia, he would have to stop using Ativan and Ambian. We didn't even mention the marijuana edibles and alcohol. He has had his blood tested every 3 months during the last year....he was trying to figure out why he was dizzy and cold. After he stopped drinking in August, his heart rate decreased to the 60's, (from the high 90's), his blood pressure dropped so low that the PCP took him off of blood pressure meds. It's been over a week since he stopped marijuana edibles, and the dizziness he had been experiencing for the last 2 years is gone. Yes, I understand there are underlying reasons why people drink and use marijuana, but he was harming himself to the point of misery. In our lives together, I wanted only for him to be happy and he was making himself unhappy by using drugs that harmed him physically.....and that I cannot abide. Now that he has stopped using both substances, I can once again see a joyful future for the two of us together.
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