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Old 08-08-2022, 04:35 PM
 
2,238 posts, read 1,010,416 times
Reputation: 3801

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mojo101 View Post
Western medical researchers went from village to village in India and did not find any Alzheimer elderly,they think it has to do with tumeric since they use it in their cooking daily.

Hmmm. I doubt this … There is no Alzheimer’s in Indian villages? Really?
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Old 08-08-2022, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Juneau, AK + Puna, HI
8,777 posts, read 5,294,534 times
Reputation: 12393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm View Post
I have zero intention of ever being her caregiver. Not only was she an abusive parent, she was aware that she was abusive and was proud of the fact. Nope, sorry. Not ever going to be her caregiver...
Wise move. It's difficult being a caregiver for even the best of moms.
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Old 08-08-2022, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
14,924 posts, read 13,896,083 times
Reputation: 27073
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm View Post
Who says I’m not going supporting her? You do realize that it is possible to disagree with someone and still recognize their autonomy? Also, it is possible that the way I interact with her and what I write on an Internet forum are not the same?

BTW, even if I told her that she was an idiot and shouldn’t run to her neurologist (which is absolutely not what I said or even implied in any conceivable way), she would just ignore me and go anyway. Not everyone needs their hand held and needs to be supported all the time (actually, that is one of her good qualities).
You're incredibly defensive. If you dislike the woman so much, why do you care that she wants to see a neurologist? I don't see why you're making a big deal about this.
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Old 08-08-2022, 06:05 PM
 
Location: NC
3,257 posts, read 2,269,235 times
Reputation: 8128
Quote:
Originally Posted by guidoLaMoto View Post
Well, nobody is perfect.

You're getting a lot of flack from all these Karens who are experts because they once read an article in Lady's Home Journal. Let them walk a mile in your shoes before spouting off.

Subtracting serial 7s: 100 -7 = 93, 93 - 7 = 86; 86 -7 = 79 etc; It is tough to do in your head. In dementia, really tough. It's not so important how far you can carry it-- it's how you do when repeated in 6 or 12 months.

While drugs like Arricept can work miracles in the occassional pt, most don't benefit by it enough to be worth the cost or risks of side effects. It got licensed because the research showed less deterioration on the MSEs than the control group.... While of scoring a miserable 15 out of 20 on the first test, the drugged pts only went down to 13 instead of 11 after a year of treatment-- statistically significant, but not clinically. If you can't remember your address this year but didn't forget your phone number by next year, are you really "better?"...Really, really rare for a pt to actually improve the score with treatment.

The really difficult period when dealing with the failing pt is that when they still think they are competent and resist help...I always told families that if Ma or Pa is going to act like a child, then treat them like a child-- sometimes you just gotta take control and dictate what's gotta be done. Take away car keys; hire a full time baby sitter; move 'em into your house' etc

Once you start tossing out the stale "Karen" title, your post loses all effectiveness. You may as well be writing blah blah blah blah blah, because the rest of your post is pointless after starting off with the intent to insult.

Aricept (correct spelling) works wonders for many. They even have a generic! Gasp.

Have you been through dementia with a close family member? Are you claiming to be a physician? Many of have and still are dealing with dementia in a close family member. Your dismissive tone is repulsive, actually.
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Old 08-08-2022, 06:25 PM
 
2,238 posts, read 1,010,416 times
Reputation: 3801
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
You're incredibly defensive. If you dislike the woman so much, why do you care that she wants to see a neurologist? I don't see why you're making a big deal about this.
I am not making a big deal about it. I am posting on an Internet forum. Posting on an Internet forum = not a big deal.

What am I not doing? I am not calling her to get her to do something different. I am not considering traveling to see her. I’m not even taking with my friends and family about it. I just posted a thread on C-D. Hardly a “big deal.”

Also I dislike Kafka traps. You can look it up.
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Old 08-08-2022, 10:05 PM
 
4,747 posts, read 2,397,534 times
Reputation: 10012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm View Post
I spoke with my 87 y.o. mother on the phone last night. She said she is having memory problems and so made an appointment to see a neurologist. As she is the one in charge of her body and still mentally competent as far as I can tell (although I do think she is having some problems w memory) I just listened without interfering.

What I would have like to have said, but did not say was: And what would be the point of that? As far as I know there is no effective cure or truly effective treatment for age-related memory loss or any of a variety of dementias.

At best, she risks getting an official diagnosis which may come back to bite her in the butt. (She is really really keen on maintaining her independence as long as possible).


What am I not seeing here?

What you do not see is that your mother is having memory problems that you don't see. Usually a family member has to drag their loved one to dementia assessments. Good for her taking the bull by the horns! She's a smart lady!

You said "As far as you know.." I say "it's time you found out". There is no known cure but there are ways to manage it. Buy a book about it or even easier, watch some You Tube channels about it.
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Old 08-09-2022, 02:21 AM
 
2,238 posts, read 1,010,416 times
Reputation: 3801
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
What you do not see is that your mother is having memory problems that you don't see. Usually a family member has to drag their loved one to dementia assessments. Good for her taking the bull by the horns! She's a smart lady!
You make it sound like I am not believing her, or discounting her symptoms or not understanding how bad it could be for her.

That is not at all the case. I think she has a real problem. It probably is worse than she realizes. I just don’t think that going to a neurologist is going to provide any solutions for her, or at least not the solutions she thinks she is going to get — clear diagnosis, effective treatment, etc. (She did tell me that she wanted the neurologist to order a brain scan so that she will know what is wrong with her and wanted medication to make it better.)


Quote:
You said "As far as you know.." I say "it's time you found out". There is no known cure but there are ways to manage it. Buy a book about it or even easier, watch some You Tube channels about it.
I agree with you 100% here. I think it would definitely be in her best interest if she learned ways of coping with memory loss, watched a YouTube video, bought a book, or rather have someone do that for her since she has chosen to not use the internet at all. But that doesn’t involve going to a neurologist and getting a diagnosis on her medical record.

Also, she is not “a smart lady.” She has a huge problem accepting uncertainty, ambiguity and loss of control in her life. She is running to an authority figure (neurologist) because she is grasping at straws and somehow believing that that will make things better, when it almost certainly will not.

That reminds me that she has had a similar problem giving up cancer screening. Neither colonoscopies nor screening mammograms are recommended for 87 year olds. Yet, she is furious that her doctors are no longer recommending them for her. I realize that some people are very fit and well at 87 and may indeed have another decade of life in front of them, so it makes sense to continue the cancer screening.

However, that just isn’t the case for her. She is not decrepit and has no chronic diseases, and yet she is definitely frail and fading. I asked her what she would do if she found out she has breast cancer? Would she really want treatment. She said: “No. I wouldn’t want treatment. I would just want to know.” And I asked her what that knowledge would give her. And she said: “I would know how to plan for the future — how much time I have left.” But here’s the thing — a positive mammogram is not going to give her that information. It is most certainly not going to tell her what the future has in store for her and how much time she has left. No oncologist can really tell anyone that no matter what kind of analysis is done on the tissue sample.

So she is not smart. She is deluding herself in her vain search for knowledge and certainly just simply isn’t available.

Last edited by Jill_Schramm; 08-09-2022 at 03:06 AM..
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Old 08-09-2022, 06:30 AM
Status: "Oct 16th = Global Fleshmonster Day" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Brawndo-Thirst-Mutilator-Nation
20,864 posts, read 21,691,089 times
Reputation: 18092
Probably not much.....dementia equates to a damaged brain.

Of all the things in the body, the nerves/nervous-system seem to be the least able to
repair themselves.

Insults to the CNS are, for the most part, cumulative. That is why it is so common for athletes, that are involved in impact-sports and combat-sports, to get significant brain-damage, even if they get proper medical-treatment and time-off when their CNS is injured.........the recovery after damage is only partial.
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Old 08-09-2022, 06:37 AM
 
242 posts, read 139,998 times
Reputation: 853
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm View Post
I have already learned how to distance myself, thank you very much.

Also, believe me, this is fairly objective description of my Mom. Even my husband, who is one of the most mature, kind people I know — someone who makes it a practice never to say anything bad about anyone behind their back — calls her “mama Mussolini” and “completely intolerable.” And my sister agrees and my cousins agree and most assuredly whoever the strangers are who leave dead animals in her mailbox agree too, but I digress.
I had a mother like this too. She looked like a sweet old lady, she wasn't. She was like a viper waiting to strike others with her vile, mean ways. She managed to alienate her family and her 1st, 2nd and 3rd husband's families as well.

I helped her and stepdad out at the end of their lives. It was miserable, not a grateful bone in their bodies. Keeping your distance is always the right answer with these type of people. Jill - I can understand your interest in finding out about possible issues with your mother. I did that too. Googled my fingers off to try and find out what was wrong with her.

Not every parent deserves to have children willing to be their retirement and old age plan. Some parents are awful. If you got one of the good ones and are willing to move your parent in to provide all caregiving, good for you I guess.

There are some informative and compassionate posts here. For the other people, please cut the OP some slack. She's looking for info, not to get dumped on.
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Old 08-09-2022, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Florida
356 posts, read 158,103 times
Reputation: 1116
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm View Post
I have zero intention of ever being her caregiver. Not only was she an abusive parent, she was aware that she was abusive and was proud of the fact. Nope, sorry. Not ever going to be her caregiver.

But as regard to caring in general, as in do I care what happens to her? I would say, yes, somewhat, but not a lot.
Your stubborn resistance to understanding what people are saying will sabotage you.

So you read my words and completely refused to comprehend them?

The REASON to read the Caregiving forum is to EDUCATE yourself what her future holds IF she has dementia. THAT is what you asked but I guess true research is something she's not deserving of. You want a quick and dirty answer that agrees with you, right? Like "is there a magic pill yes or no?"

I mean it's totally RIDICULOUS. You say you're looking for people to agree with YOU that there is no reason for someone to go to a neurologist but you refuse to actually EDUCATE YOURSELF on the subforum that's got decades of information on the topic even after being advised as such.

Why are you even involved at all? Are you one of these "children" who can't extract themselves from the drama? (PROTIP)

Also hilarious that you've chosen to argue with a bunch of strangers about your unresolved relationship with this mother.

The abusive woman who ruined your life is going to deal with her health. Butt out.

Last edited by huitrecouture; 08-09-2022 at 07:28 AM..
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