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I am like the poster who says he shares space with his wife and doesn't mind. Now, if you lived in a tiny space like my husband and I, you would have ZERO areas for yourself. But even in a future house, if my husband had a space for his gaming, I don't think he'd think of it as his space exclusively. If I said, "Hey, want to play XYZ?" he'd probably pull a chair out for me in two seconds.
You're basing your observations off of fake shows. It's like when people come on here and get upset about the couples on House Hunters complaining about the same crap they do in every episode without realizing the show is fake. Or it's kind of like when, on the same shows, you see the wife stupidly saying, "Ohhh, and I guess these two closets in the bedroom are for me." (Now come to my place and see which person has more crap in their closets...)
So where's the cave for the woman on these shows anyway? Why don't I get a cave? Maybe I want to drink beer and watch sports, something I enjoy doing more than my husband anyway.
I hate the term. It's just stupid.
No. I was just using that as an example. Wives in general (especially on this board) have an issue with "man-caves".
Agree. While my husband does give his input on the decorating of the house as a whole, he largely leaves much of that to me (which I am grateful for). He never mentioned specifically wanting a man space but I've always felt that a man should have his own zone where he could decorate it as he liked. In our last house, the only space that functioned for him was the formal living room and he had little, if any, input as to how it was decorated. I vowed that would change if we ever moved. When we moved into our current house, we designated what used to be a large craft room as his man space and what do you know...he clearly liked the concept of having his own space! I tried to suggest curtains for the room and was met with a "hell no" Everything conceived for that room comes from him and quite frankly it looks awesome. It's decked out in all his geeky and non-geeky delights and has artwork selected by him on the walls. so yes, I think a guy should have his own space. Not because he "needs" it but because I like the concept of him having his own domain where he can have a space that functions well for him vs. having to worry about everyone else. FYI, we all are welcome to use it (and we do).
We've been married 13 loving years. Have two young children. We enjoy each other's company but it's not unnatural for people to sometimes want their own space. Heck, I sometimes want my own space. I'm an only child and still carry some of my "lone wolf" tendencies. My husband learned a long time ago that I'm like this. I sometimes like to go into my own retreat to read a good book whereas my husband can watch family guy in his room. The kids also have their own space. The loft area has become their playroom and yes, they play in their rooms AND in their play space. There's never enough places to play, especially since their toys far exceed their room space (rooms are both 11 x 14). Toys even find their way into the man space on occasion It will probably convert back to a loft once they're older.
I believe both men and women should have "caves" or some workable version of them. Not everything in life is about ones relationship or family, for starters there is the YOU in all of us which can get lost. Its also a respectful thng to do to let each other have their own space and time without interruption. Heck, teenagers get it all the time, why not us grown up teenagers
Obviously it cant become a habit, well, that can work too, especially if youve been married for a quarter of a century or more and both retired
I always wondered why do "most" wives cringe or always have something negative to say about us men having our "space". I notice on all the HDTV shows, as soon as the man mentions having a "man-cave", the wife always has something smart/negative to say or just rolls her eyes. Is it that women hate for us to feel too "comfortable" in our own surroundings or they just think it's a waste of space? Please enlighten me!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remington Steel
No. I was just using that as an example. Wives in general (especially on this board) have an issue with "man-caves".
And I was replying to what you said in your original post.
I am regularly on this board and I don't see this topic discussed enough to say people on here have an issue with "man caves." I don't know any wives that act huffy about said rooms. I think some people on here think the term itself is stupid. In your original post you seemed more concerned about men having their own space than women.
And I was replying to what you said in your original post.
I am regularly on this board and I don't see this topic discussed enough to say people on here have an issue with "man caves." I don't know any wives that act huffy about said rooms. I think some people on here think the term itself is stupid. In your original post you seemed more concerned about men having their own space than women.
And I am still waiting for my cave.
OK...I can see where this is headed...
I don't see any indication in my original post that made me more "concerned" about men having their own space more than women. I simply asked "why" women tend to act like it is a selfish act when it comes to "man-caves"? Yes, the term may seem "stupid", but I think that is a cop out to what women really think about the idea.
And I explained myself and why I asked the question in more detail in my second post in this thread.
And I was replying to what you said in your original post.
I am regularly on this board and I don't see this topic discussed enough to say people on here have an issue with "man caves." I don't know any wives that act huffy about said rooms. I think some people on here think the term itself is stupid. In your original post you seemed more concerned about men having their own space than women.
And I am still waiting for my cave.
I'm guessing that you're not going to call it your Lady Cave .
I don't have a problem with a man having his own space as long as it's not at the sacrifice of something more important like a home office.
In your original post you seemed more concerned about men having their own space than women.
Ok, this is going to bug you, but...
Women usually have the majority of the say in most couple's homes. They decorate the living room, dining room bedroom, etc and as the old saying goes "happy wife, happy life." But that very often precludes any of the man's design likes. The "man cave" is where the design and decorating and living compromise happens. Can women have a "Cave" too? Sure, but so often, the rest of the house is their domain already. Which is why emphasis is put on the man cave, as women already have control over the rest of the house.
Just like education has catered to women since the '80s, house decorating is catered towards women. Men's favorite things are usually relegated to the garage or storage somewhere as the wife so often does not want his comfy couch/chair, lamps, etc that he had as a bachelor anywhere near "her" house. Or she LETS him have that one comfy chair and then hates it in her living room for the rest of their lives together.
For many of us, the garage IS our "man cave" where we tinker on our cars, visit with male friends, do woodworking, etc. It's not "decorated" with fringed throw pillows, etc. But many men don't have the luxury of a garage and need a space where they can be "in charge" of that space.
Can you compromise on shared space? Yes, but neither one gets what they want that way. They get a watered down version of what they want. Some people can live like that, but many people just can't mix French Provincial and mid century modern, or Tudor and contemporary, or Craftsman and last weeks fishing trip...
Women usually have the majority of the say in most couple's homes. They decorate the living room, dining room bedroom, etc and as the old saying goes "happy wife, happy life." But that very often precludes any of the man's design likes. The "man cave" is where the design and decorating and living compromise happens. Can women have a "Cave" too? Sure, but so often, the rest of the house is their domain already. Which is why emphasis is put on the man cave, as women already have control over the rest of the house.
Just like education has catered to women since the '80s, house decorating is catered towards women. Men's favorite things are usually relegated to the garage or storage somewhere as the wife so often does not want his comfy couch/chair, lamps, etc that he had as a bachelor anywhere near "her" house. Or she LETS him have that one comfy chair and then hates it in her living room for the rest of their lives together.
For many of us, the garage IS our "man cave" where we tinker on our cars, visit with male friends, do woodworking, etc. It's not "decorated" with fringed throw pillows, etc. But many men don't have the luxury of a garage and need a space where they can be "in charge" of that space.
Can you compromise on shared space? Yes, but neither one gets what they want that way. They get a watered down version of what they want. Some people can live like that, but many people just can't mix French Provincial and mid century modern, or Tudor and contemporary, or Craftsman and last weeks fishing trip...
Thank you!! And like another post mentioned.."as long as it's not at the sacrifice of a "needed" house space".
HGTV isn't real life. I know that may be a shocker to some.
No, but real life is often quite as much as depicted. When decorating a house, women do have most of the say in most couple's situations. If it's not in yours, good for you. But that's not usually the case. Which is why there are "man caves" in many couples' homes and not "woman caves."
This is not a man's retreat and relaxing space:
And most women don't want to hang out in here:
Are there exceptions to both rules? Of course. But...
Men and women have different design tastes in real life. I know that may be a shocker to some, but too much compromising usually means no one is happy.
Why call them "man caves?" Because men are often considered still barely civilized cavemen. lol!
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Everything conceived for that room comes from him and quite frankly it looks awesome. It's decked out in all his geeky and non-geeky delights and has artwork selected by him on the walls. so yes, I think a guy should have his own space. Not because he "needs" it but because I like the concept of him having his own domain where he can have a space that functions well for him vs. having to worry about everyone else. FYI, we all are welcome to use it (and we do).
