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I say remodel the kitchen in a way that will net you the most when it's sold. With the attitude that your opinion is better than hers I don't see how you'll live together very long.
So..... if I worked at a Car Dealership, had gone through corporate training and was the top salesman of the decade.... I would know best which car you should buy without taking into consideration your desire of body style, color or looks? After all, I would be the professional. You may want a sporty 2 door convertible, but since I say you should have a minivan instead I am right because I have the "education and experience"?
Have you ever gone to a store to buy something and the person there doesn't listen to what you told them you wanted, needed or what was important to you all the while talking down to you because they "know more"? Makes you want to walk out since they discredited your feelings, emotions and logic. I wonder if your wife will do the same if you continue to discredit her feelings, emotions and logic...
Come on man! You are on a slippery slope. It's just a kitchen.
Simple just say "Wife you have no taste and you are a sheep and a slave to marketing and psychological manipulation." I will provide you with a tasteful and chraming house. You just come and add your charm and beauty and it will be perfect.
Another solution that works well, agree with her wholeheartedly, but then go and buy the house that you want anyway.
You could just find reasons that the shiney new junk house is impractical. Bad neighbors, bad schools, to snotty and area, poor quality constuction. . . .
I think I will take a new career as a marriage counseller.
Marriage counselors need to listen. The OP's issue is remodeling a kitchen, not buying a house.
I have built houses for the last 50 years and graduated with a degree in Architecture among others. My other half and I just remodeled our house. Like you, I mostly do the cooking as she works fairly long hours. We were at odds with the kitchen. When it came to the cabinets, I let her pick the color/finish, on the tops, I picked the materials and she picked the color, for the backsplash I picked the materials and she picked the color of the tile. While the cabinets and tops are okay, I warned her about the tile backsplash being wrong but went with her decision. Yeah, It looks like crap while the rest looks great. So now she's having to dig into her pocket to have it removed and I'll be picking the tile. After the kitchen debacle, she pretty much relied on my experience as to what to go with. But I did give her options that would work and let her make decisions on those.
I don't know about the rest of the world but down here granite and stainless steel are a dying fad. Both can be an incredible pain in the asp to keep looking new. Sterile white appliances are the biggest thing in the high end homes here now. Tops are back to the newer 3D laminates which look fabulous. Amazing how it all comes back around. Wonder when Harvest Gold will be back? YUK!
I don't know about the rest of the world but down here granite and stainless steel are a dying fad. Both can be an incredible pain in the asp to keep looking new. Sterile white appliances are the biggest thing in the high end homes here now. Tops are back to the newer 3D laminates which look fabulous. Amazing how it all comes back around. Wonder when Harvest Gold will be back? YUK!
My husband and I both live in our home, under no circumstances would I ever expect to have sole control over our homes's decor. This isn't the 1950's.
We have different tastes and work with it. We've been together long enough that we can hash things out without taking personal offense.
I would recommend talking to a true kitchen design expert who can talk about new colors, materials, etc. that are coming. Granite and stainless steel will soon be passe and you two have the opportunity to see what options, old and new, are out there. I would make it clear that the two of you have differences and want to balance input - let the designer know what they will be dealing with. A good designer is up for the challenge.
You might discover a balance between traditional colors and new materials that fit her need to be current and your need to stick with the style.
Thats an intersting take on it... But when im the one doing 95% of the work on the renovation and im the one that does 70% of the cooking, I feel I should be able to have my opinion on how its done.
You can certainly have an opinion but that doesn't mean your opinion trumps hers. Think about this. You bought a house that was your style preference, not hers. Give her the kitchen she wants. Seriously, you "believe" she likes the house. Well, she says otherwise---that she compromised. Where's your compromise on the kitchen? Why are you the bully who gets his way on the house bought, the kitchen renovation, and anything else house related? Just because you have a degree? I think not. If you install the kitchen she likes, you'll say you compromised and she'll say that she "believes" you truly like the kitchen deep down inside. See how this goes? Your wife already made a huge compromise. She is stuck in a house that isn't her first preference. If you were kind and considerate, you'd let her have the kitchen she wants after she made that sacrifice for you.
I don't like granite either but I'd most certainly take my husband's opinion into consideration. That's what your marriage is missing---consideration and compromise. There are many ways to compromise. Others have mentioned splitting the decisions, letting her pick one and you pick the other. You could flip a coin. It doesn't matter how you compromise as long as you do. Remember, your wife already compromised when buying this house. IMO, it's your turn. Let her have the kitchen she wants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410
I liked the idea of treating her as a client and trying to lead her towards a smart decision.
If you can't lead the client to a smart decision, you give the client what the client wants. The client is always right. If not, the client goes elsewhere. And that can apply to marriage/divorce as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410
I feel I am more educated about the topic to make a better decision.
This is the problem.
Your wife wants to decorate her house, the house she compromised when buying.
Let me challenge you. If you are a talented designer, you will find a way to design this modern kitchen with nods to the past while meeting the tastes of your client.
How do you deal with your spouse when you are on complete different sides of the fence when it comes to picking out a house or renovating a house?
For example, My wife and I have completely different taste, she has the shiney new car mentality. She thinks things like granite, stainless steel and mcmansions are things worth spending extra money on. I prefer somethign a little smaller, a house with true architectural charachter, large lots with privacy, unique features and not nessasarily huge overbuilt mass produced crap. something that was custom built with better materials.
I guess you could say I won out when it came to picking our house. We ended up with a beautiful country cape house with loads of charachter. furthest thing from a mcmansion. The wife will say she settled and that my persistance won out, but i believe she truely loves the house now that shes living in it.
Our current arguement is renovating the kitchen, she thinks it needs granite and stainless steel appliances, even though it doesnt match the space at ALL.
I guess the real issue here is I have a degree in architecture and she does not, so I feel like my opinion of design and architecture should hold more value then hers. When I hear her make comments like how she loves our friends homes ( which are just crappy mcmansions with cheap finishes) it just reaffirms my thoughts
Well obviously she doesnt like when I say my design opinions hold more weight then hers (when it comes to renovations and picking out houses), yet when I question her medical advice she goes on a rant about how she has a degree in that and she went to college for 6 years for it.
So I must ask, is anyone in a simliar situation and how do you deal with your signifcant other?
I really do want to respect her opionion but I wish she would put more trust in me as I have an education in architecture and work in the design field.
De gustibus non est disputandum is a Latin maxim meaning "In matters of taste, there can be no disputes" (literally, "There is no debate concerning tastes").
Adding to that. When Mama is happy, all are happy.
Adding more to that. She will do more "tricks" on the counters wih granite under her butt and the image reflecting off stainless steel, so why not.
Time for me to have another drink........LOL
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Marriage counselors need to listen. The OP's issue is remodeling a kitchen, not buying a house. 
I prefer somethign a little smaller, a house with true architectural charachter, large lots with privacy, unique features and not nessasarily huge overbuilt mass produced crap. something that was custom built with better materials.
