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Long story short, there is a lot going on financially, which is why I guess I stress over the little things like the bed placement. If being concerned about financial things makes me less quality husband material or selfish or raises too many red flags, than so be it, but I don't think it is a crime to have financial concerns in today's environment.
I hope you're as clear about all this to HER as you are to us. If she thinks money drops from the sky while you're struggling to keep up with her spending, you guys will go downhill fast. As much as we all like brand new everything, having to live with older but working stuff and get them replaced as you find good deals or when you feel like rewarding yourselves on occasions is a way of looking out for each other's future. If money is tight, you guys will be stressed about everything and pissed about all the arguing.
If she is as thick in the head as you are implying, then you may want to wait on this marriage until she matures enough to be out of this "I want it now" princess attitude or you get a better job that supports her wants.
I dont think you are being selfish. Just realistic, and it sounds like she needs a good healthy dose of reality. Maybe a premarital consultation with a financial advisor will help. The advisor can go through yours and her financial state or lack thereof, the hopes and the dreams, then can be the "bad guy", and maybe offer timelines for these things, and things like retirement and long term care, what plans should be made if you drop dead, or require long term care etc. Perhaps seeing all the more important things that money is neede for will temper her home reno plans. And how much things could improve if she got a job.
WIfe is in charge of furniture location. That is just how it is. Regadless of what you say or do, it will end up in her preferred lcoation eventually. Just give in to it. It is called nesting and she needs to put her own personal imprint on her home. She is not moving into your home. "mine" is no more. It is now "ours" Of course she is going to mark it as such in various ways. You may end up having to take down tht dead fish above the mantle too. (you cna put it in the garage).
As to finances, you really need to have a budget. Wtrie down all of your monthly expenses. Include money for groceries, dining out, entertainment, medical, car repair. Perioduc expenses like car repair can be broken down into average monthly amounts. Thus if you think car repair will cost $1800 a year, take $125 out of your monthly budget and put it aside for car repair.
When you finsih your budget, you will be able to see what if any is left for home renovations. tell here what that amount is and let her use it to change things, unless you completely and whoelheartedly hate her idea and think it is sa awful you just cannot live with it. Theny she will have to compromise.
Otherwise, go with it. The loaction of your headbord is not going to make any difference whatsoever in how pleasant or unpleasant your life is. However a ticked off wife vs. happy wife, will absolutely impact how pleasant your life is. Stick tot he big things.
The garage is your domain. Let her have hers.
If your personalities are really such that you just cannot compromise, then you need seperate bedrooms. She can arrange and decorate her bedroom as she sees fit. IF you cannot compromise, you are going to need seperate bedrooms very frequently anyway.
Last edited by Coldjensens; 12-26-2012 at 12:20 PM..
I wasn't going to give marriage advice, but I'm having second thoughts. Does the new bedroom furniture include a new bed or is it your parents' old bed? My mother always said that a woman should never wear the same perfume as her mother-in-law. Along the same lines, I don't think a woman should sleep in the same bed, in the same room, in the same place as her mother-in-law did. She needs to shake it up a bit and give it her own stamp, so you don't get confused! If it's a new bed, it probably doesn't matter so much.
I wasn't going to give marriage advice, but I'm having second thoughts. Does the new bedroom furniture include a new bed or is it your parents' old bed? My mother always said that a woman should never wear the same perfume as her mother-in-law. Along the same lines, I don't think a woman should sleep in the same bed, in the same room, in the same place as her mother-in-law did. She needs to shake it up a bit and give it her own stamp, so you don't get confused! If it's a new bed, it probably doesn't matter so much.
I tell women I will move things ONCE and that is it!
So do move things around, but refuse to move things again after that. If she insists, say ok, but this is the LAST time I am moving anything! Make up your mind now where you want things.
Then you are entitled to have a room of your own. AKA a "man cave". That is your room and you are the only one who decides what goes where.
So far as spending a ton of money "redecorating", buying new furniture, etc. Make a budget. Figure out how much extra money you have to spend on that. Then half will be your money and half will be hers. You can spend your half on your man cave (pool table, bar, big screen TV, popcorn machine, etc.) and she can spend hers on what she wants, but that is the limit.
You can also use the budget to "remove" money from one thing so she can use it instead for decorating and furniture. Like offer to cut down on the wedding expenses so she will have more money for decorating. Or cut out the hair and nail salon or clothing purchases. Etc.
Basically if you put all income and expenses in a budget, then you can show her additional "decorating" money will only come from cutting out other expenses. There is only so much and there is a limit, etc.
This is WAR! The tools for your battle plan are stubbornness and a budget. Her tools to combat you are crying, saying you don't love her, etc.
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