Love the house, hate the neighborhood (phones, dogs, outside, better)

[Bella05]

I think I made a huge mistake. We bought a house and completely guy renovated it. Love the house, but I'm now realizing that I don't like it here. The neighbors are wealthy, keep to themselves, can't be bothered. They're polite and nice when I see them but that's as far as it goes. We're also the youngest family. I seriously thought I chose the right town... Good commute, great schools, safe, etc. But it is really hard to make friends here. People are busy and not the most down to earth. I'm regretting the move and renovation.

Any advice? Anyone who has been there, done that? Do we find a more friendly and laidback neighborhood? The thought of moving again... Ugh. While I'm in the house, it's nice. But when I walk out the door, I'm reminded that I'll prob never fit in here.

[luckodeirish]

In my experience, which is no doubt different than what others have experienced, there seem to be fewer neighborhoods that have a sense of community, meaning they regularly chat with others, maybe have 4th July block parties, things like that.
There are only a small handful of people in my area who will stop to chat, and those tend to be the older people who perhaps are not as busy with kids and don't spend all day staring at iPhones.
Finding the right place for you will take time, so if you want to try to find an area that you might like better scout them out and walk around and chat with people who might be outdoors or walking their dog. It's hard to find the perfect place.
Good luck

[nybbler]

Well, if you bought a relatively inexpensive house in an expensive neighborhood (just guessing because you say your neighbors are wealthy) and renovated it, you're probably in a financial position to sell it profitably, or at least not at too much of a loss.

The neighborhood isn't going to change, and by now you've probably been living in the area long enough to know neighborhoods where you might fit in better.

[CaliTerp07]

I have never lived in a neighborhood where we were good friends with the neighbors. I politely wave when I see them outside while I'm out, and sometimes will exchange words about contractors or yard work companies, but I don't even know most people's names. My friends come from hobbies, work, church, etc. That is absolutely the norm in this region.

[HWTechGuy]

There is no way to guarantee good neighbors. Neighbors who seem great at first can turn into a nightmare. I've been there.

Neighbors who keep to themselves wouldn't even remotely be considered a problem. Perhaps you need to focus your efforts elsewhere in terms of expanding your social circle, and leave your neighbors to be just that.

[kab0906]

Originally Posted by Bella05

I think I made a huge mistake. We bought a house and completely guy renovated it. Love the house, but I'm now realizing that I don't like it here. The neighbors are wealthy, keep to themselves, can't be bothered. They're polite and nice when I see them but that's as far as it goes. We're also the youngest family. I seriously thought I chose the right town... Good commute, great schools, safe, etc. But it is really hard to make friends here. People are busy and not the most down to earth. I'm regretting the move and renovation.

Any advice? Anyone who has been there, done that? Do we find a more friendly and laidback neighborhood? The thought of moving again... Ugh. While I'm in the house, it's nice. But when I walk out the door, I'm reminded that I'll prob never fit in here.

We did much the same twenty years ago. We have friends outside of the neighborhood and that's actually nice. My home is my sanctuary.

[mmyk72]

Agree with all of above.... In this area of the country, people almost disappear in their houses rather than sit out on their porch for hours and chat with people who walk by. If you have considerate neighbors - i.e., they don't bother you or complain about you, don't let their kids or animals trample all over your yard, clean up leaves so their mess don't end up in your yard, don't have constantly barking dogs or let them poop in other people's yards, then consider that a good... maybe even a great neighborhood.

[Winter01]

I have lived in a neighborhood where I became totally enmeshed with several other families. I felt like I couldn't even walk outside without people coming over to talk with me, etc. I really liked this but my husband did not. He felt like our doorbell was always ringing or someone was always in our business. It drove him crazy. We moved to a new state and he has pretty much banned me from starting a new Bunco group -LOL. My current neighborhood is still friendly but people pretty much keep it polite and simple. I'm good with that.

My point--there are pros and cons to both and if you move there is no guarantee there won't be some even more annoying factor such as barking dogs, people with messy yards, etc. If your neighborhood is nice and well kept that is a very good thing.

[Teckeeee]

I don't think this neighborhood exists except small town living. And it's been this way for over 10 years it's not a new trend.

[chet everett]

Originally Posted by Bella05

I think I made a huge mistake. We bought a house and completely guy renovated it. Love the house, but I'm now realizing that I don't like it here. The neighbors are wealthy, keep to themselves, can't be bothered. They're polite and nice when I see them but that's as far as it goes. We're also the youngest family. I seriously thought I chose the right town... Good commute, great schools, safe, etc. But it is really hard to make friends here. People are busy and not the most down to earth. I'm regretting the move and renovation.

Any advice? Anyone who has been there, done that? Do we find a more friendly and laidback neighborhood? The thought of moving again... Ugh. While I'm in the house, it's nice. But when I walk out the door, I'm reminded that I'll prob never fit in here.

I am pretty sure the OP has purchased a home in suburban New Jersey and the appeal is not just "good schools" in a slightly better than average sort of way but one of the most desirable areas to raise a family. Of course if you do no yet have a family and plan to start on one OR have infants that are still too young to really get immersed in the social aspects of knowing other young families the pattern is such that once those things happen you very likely will understand all the desirable qualities of your community.

OTOH if the OP is not likely to ever to have children they may still be "in the right place" if the values important to families are important to them -- quiet, safe streets, responsible neighbors, honest transparent local government, nice parks, pet friendly recreational areas, etc... After all the time spent fixing up a house with a gut rehab it can seem daunting to get involved in the effort needed to connect to your neighbors but if you want to get to know them you gotta do that.

Of course if the OP really shares no values with their neighbors and they did invest in a costly area maybe they ought to talk to local real estate agents about listing their place and moving to area where they'll be more comfortable. If they did a nice job on the renovation and budgeted wisely maybe they can make money on this or at least not be horribly behind the eight ball...