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I am always shocked how other people live but I try to refrain from judging.
I am a Landlord and give my tenants about a week's warning for my semi-annual walk thrus. I go to check plumbing under sinks, the water heater, to make sure HVAC system is clean (and I bring filters) and I check all appliances and around the exterior perimeter of the house for insects, etc. I am not being nosy. I make sure the house is safe and in good repair. In general, the places are pretty messy and sometimes quite dirty, too. I would say only about 25% of my tenants, in over 30 years of being a landlord, keep their homes straightened up on a daily basis.
Adding on here...before kids I had a spotless house. Closets were organized by color and item, Books/DVDs in alphabetical order, never any dust or fur (despite having 1 dog and 2 cats), etc. I was OCD about it.
After kids - eh if we're all alive by the end of the day it's a win. Back then I worked from home with no kids - I had the time to clean. Now - I work out of the house 50-60 hrs a week and when I'm not working I'm busy playing chauffeur, on a soccer field, at a play date or any number of other things for my son. And if I'm not doing that I'm at my book club, bible study, church, friends, dates, etc. Our priorities have shifted. At this point in my life I prioritize actually living over a spotless house. It took a lot of adjusting but now I don't even notice some of the piles.
I have good friends - the ones you don't have to pick up for - and then there are acquaintances or new friends who I do tidy up for. If the newer ones are coming over I call our cleaning ladies and have them do a visit that day while we're at work and school.
I don't judge anyone else for their house. It's not fair to judge them. If my son's going over there I want a safe environment but that doesn't mean they have to have a spotless or even clean house. It just means there can't be chemicals, medications, guns etc within reach.
I don't judge things like cobwebs in the high corners (particularly when there are cathedral ceilings...) or unpolished sinks (??). I also don't care about messy bookcases or clutter on top of the fridge or even stacks of paperwork on a kitchen counter or unmade beds. I have all of that in my house, too.
I do tend to judge when there's laundry all over the living room or a room that looks like the floors haven't been vacuumed/swept/mopped in six months, or when the table is covered in sticky stuff (and there are not toddlers in the house... toddlers can make a clean house look like a pit in a matter of minutes if they're determined!). This is not to say that my floors are never dirty or that my table doesn't sometimes have something on it, but if I'm inviting someone over, I do at least do those things. Usually.
No seriously though, Lol, Cleaning should be a joint effort. If the woman doesn't work then of course she should have more of the household responsibilities, but I think the man should also do his part. If the woman also works full time then it should be as equal as possible.
My husband works full time and drives an hour each way. He's tired when he gets home, but he takes out the garbage, mows the lawn and helps with dinner at times and kids homework. I work out of the home part time, so I pretty much do everything else such as laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning floors, picking up toys, etc. But if I ask for help, he helps. He doesn't mind and doesn't complain! Happy wife, happy life!!!!
Now that my kids are 10 & 8, I have them helping with making their beds, dusting, putting toys away, and other little things.
I think in many areas of the US traditional ideas about housekeeping still apply that a messy house reflects poorly on the woman and not the man. Conversely if a home is immaculate and gorgeously decorated few would think "wow, that guy sure has good taste!" You can see this reflected in commercials and tv shows still where the guy is portrayed as a helpless doofus while the woman is cleaning up after him. Most people subconsciously believe men are naturally messy and it's the woman's job to keep him neat. So yes, I do believe people still subconsciously judge the woman for a messy house.
I wanted to say "I blame both" so I could sound all "socially evolved" ... but that would have been a lie.
Because I KNOW I think things like "What's wrong with his wife?" ...Or even worse "He needs a wife".
I wanted to say "I don't judge ..." But. That also; would have been a lie!
Spare me the lectures; I already know I sound like a social neanderthal.
You know whats even worse??
I'm a freaking hypocrite too! I'm always saying "Excuse the mess. It's Mr. Coschristi's fault."
Oh well. At least I'm honest.
You are not alone! I think many have the same viewpoints but don't realize it.
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