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Old 09-06-2010, 12:46 PM
 
56 posts, read 112,769 times
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On a different thread it was discussed that one of the hardest things to get use to moving from the NY/NJ/New England area of the country to Houston was dealing with the fake "nice" persona that some seem to have vs the blunt in your face "you will know if I like you or not" persona of the north east. One Houstonian did raise the interesting point that it's not fake, its just that people are rasied here to be polite even if they don't like you. I thought this was a very interesting perspective on the issue. I'm curious to hear what other thoughts or perspectives are out there on this from other transplants as well as Houstionians on this issue.

1. Which is it, fake "nice" or politeness?
2. If you are a transplant, how have you learned to adjust to this?
3. If you are a native, how should transplants view this?
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Old 09-06-2010, 12:51 PM
 
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I have been to Houston twice now and I don't care if it's fake nice or not....I like it. My door was held open for me by strangers, even young kids who here wont spit on you. Yes mam, no mam, thank you mam. Fake or not, we all need to take a lesson from these individuals on how to treat people. The world might just be a better place to live.
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Old 09-06-2010, 01:35 PM
 
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Please elaborate mdh1.
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Old 09-06-2010, 01:42 PM
 
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I don't know that I can say it's fake "nice" or just being polite and that Houston has a monopoly on that. I think no matter where you go in the country, you'll find both.

What I think you find more of here though is that southern hospitality, the more prevalent use of "Sir/Ma'am" and a more obvious graciousness that I just didn't see growing up in NY or living in SoCal from total strangers.

As a transplant twice to TX (at age 18 and then again at 42), it was harder for me to adjust to the greeting-people-you-passed-by at 18 whereas it comes more naturally to me now. I kind of expected people to be more polite when I moved back at 42 just because of what I experienced in the 8 yrs I studied and then worked in TX previously. When I go back to NY, my entire demeanor changes and I default back to my NY accent naturally.

So far, we've experienced just a few cases of fake "nice". One of DH's therapists seemed so gracious, caring and polite in addition to constantly expounding about being a good Christian. He turned out to be such a disappointment to DH - professionally as a therapist and as a so-called spiritual friend. Since then, DH has learned to be a little more cautious.

Overall, I still think the people in Houston (and San Antonio) are more polite than anywhere I've lived before but that's not to say that I haven't met equally wonderful people in my travels throughout the US.
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Old 09-06-2010, 01:48 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
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It's politeness.

I transplanted here from another southernish state a looooong time ago, but it is not really a Houston thing, but a southern thing.

The first person who even remarked on it to me was from the NE, but like I earlier posted, he became accustomed to it and liked it. Later, I had people from NYC make comments, but most liked it and the others were just confused by it.

If you have on a hideous pair of shoes, we will just not mention them. "Fake" would be telling you we loved your shoes. We would just ignore them instead.

The tricky part to explain is the "indifference". Since most people down here don't really know how to handle the in-your-face manner, their eyes will sorta glaze over and they will tune you out.
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Old 09-06-2010, 01:52 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
9,053 posts, read 17,110,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampaguita View Post
So far, we've experienced just a few cases of fake "nice". One of DH's therapists seemed so gracious, caring and polite in addition to constantly expounding about being a good Christian. He turned out to be such a disappointment to DH - professionally as a therapist and as a so-called spiritual friend. Since then, DH has learned to be a little more cautious.
Have you ever noticed that the people who contantly talk about the fact that they are good Christians - usually are not?
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Old 09-06-2010, 02:11 PM
 
56 posts, read 112,769 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns View Post
The tricky part to explain is the "indifference". Since most people down here don't really know how to handle the in-your-face manner, their eyes will sorta glaze over and they will tune you out.
This is also an interesting point. I guess the trick for transplants is learning what is perceived as being "in-your-face" in the South. In-your-face in the North East is practically seconds from coming to blows. Here I guess the line is drawn much earlier than that.

There has to be a book somewhere on this. Kind of like a "Hitchhikers Guide to the South"
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Old 09-06-2010, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Bayou City
3,017 posts, read 5,192,006 times
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In most cases I'd say it's a sign of genuine politeness, but the "fake nice" vibe is quite prevalent here as well. Beneath the veneer you'd likely find resentment, bitterness, even a fear of others they deem "too different" from themselves. it is a tension that simmers just beneath the surface, ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. They are the people who in public are more than willing to hold the door for you coming into the gas station and wish you a "blessed day", but who will freely and frequently use the vilest slurs in private company to describe someone who happened to cut them off in traffic (mistakenly or not) on the way home from work.

Born up north and having lived in Houston for most of my life, I would advise recent transplants to take the yes sir's, no ma'am's and propped open doors for what they're worth, but with a small grain of salt. Try to respond in kind, but realize that what lies just beneath the surface of the one you might think is genuinely friendly and warm is often a base nastiness all too eager to come out (vent) when the opportunity presents itself.
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Old 09-06-2010, 02:28 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
9,053 posts, read 17,110,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes View Post
In most cases I'd say it's a sign of genuine politeness, but the "fake nice" vibe is quite prevalent here as well. Beneath the veneer you'd likely find resentment, bitterness, even a fear of others they deem "too different" from themselves. it is a tension that simmers just beneath the surface, ready to erupt at the slightest provocation. They are the people who in public are more than willing to hold the door for you coming into the gas station and wish you a "blessed day", but who will freely and frequently use the vilest slurs in private company to describe someone who happened to cut them off in traffic (mistakenly or not) on the way home from work.

Born up north and having lived in Houston for most of my life, I would advise recent transplants to take the yes sir's, no ma'am's and propped open doors for what they're worth, but with a small grain of salt. Try to respond in kind, but realize that what lies just beneath the surface of the one you might think is genuinely friendly and warm is often a base nastiness all too eager to come out (vent) when the opportunity presents itself.
Yes, we have our jerks here, too.
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Old 09-06-2010, 03:16 PM
 
23,734 posts, read 14,834,604 times
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My friend was transferred home to Texas after 4 years in St. Louis. She told her kids "when the Texas teacher tells you to do something you say, yes ma'am, not why."
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