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Old 06-13-2009, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,772 posts, read 104,081,702 times
Reputation: 49243

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bueller427 View Post
Hey,

I wouldn't say your a bad parent, I know alot of people that both work with young kids. I have 3 kids myself and it was my choice to have my wife stay home to take care of the children [ she would have worked ] for 11 years till they went to school full time. My reasoning was that with all the crazy/ scary stories going on with babysitter's / daycare beating/abusing kids I wouldn't be able to go to work and not worry about it [ I can't trust anyone I guess ]. In my opinion I would want my wife to take care of our child. She / you might regret not spending the time with your children when the early years are gone, I believe the first 5 years of a child's life is the most important, this is when the mold is made for their personality's. Like I said, this is only my opinion but I can also say My wife is SOOOO happy that she / we raised her children. if you can afford it with her/ you staying home I say go for it, you won't regret it.

P.S : Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ALL daycare are bad but just for my piece of mind, I'll go with their Mother

Bueller
I am glad you clarified that: 99% of them are not bad..We are inclined to consentrate too much on the sensationalism that the media loves to dish out.

Nita
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Old 06-13-2009, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
1,668 posts, read 4,684,877 times
Reputation: 3037
There's no right or wrong. But my opinion is to stay home with the kiddo! They're only little for a short time.
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Old 06-13-2009, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
4,760 posts, read 13,767,424 times
Reputation: 3280
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post

Maybe another idea, can your wife work part time? That would be the best of both worlds I would think.
But be careful with this one. Many part time jobs are a bad deal for the employee if the compensation and benefits are scaled back but the performance expectations are not. I have several working mommy friends who tried the part time option and they ended up more unhappy than they were when they worked full time.

One key for me is that I use some of my full time salary to pay for household cleaning help so that my free time is spent with my children or doing things that I enjoy (like posting to City Data while my children are taking a nap!).
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Old 06-13-2009, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,772 posts, read 104,081,702 times
Reputation: 49243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topaz View Post
But be careful with this one. Many part time jobs are a bad deal for the employee if the compensation and benefits are scaled back but the performance expectations are not. I have several working mommy friends who tried the part time option and they ended up more unhappy than they were when they worked full time.

One key for me is that I use some of my full time salary to pay for household cleaning help so that my free time is spent with my children or doing things that I enjoy (like posting to City Data while my children are taking a nap!).
You are right, but I am guessing the OP has the benefits so this may not be an issue. I threw in that part about stay at home moms just for the heck of it..I didn't really mean that only stay at home moms spend time on the computer and yes, the house keeper does help..My daughter did the same, as soon as her salary reached a level she could afford it she got a house keeper. It meant a clean house and time for the girls. I think this happened about the time the girls no longer need day care.

Nita
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Old 06-14-2009, 12:07 AM
 
3,106 posts, read 9,088,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dweej View Post
Yeah, depending on what type of job you have, it'll be easier or harder to have two working parents. My job was one where my physical presence was required the majority of the time. Basically if I tried to "work something out" more than once a month (and when you have two kids, each with different things going on, that's just not enough) things started to get sticky and bosses started to frown. That's probably a big part of why not working is so enjoyable to me now!
That's what my former career was all about - my physical presence was needed ALL the time to keep contracts full-filled. I would never have been able to work that job as a mom. I also can't go back to my previous life in the performing arts because of the hours - days, nights & weekends - I'd never see my family plus my salary would just be going to 2 in daycare. I had always wanted to be a SAHM/WFHM so the situation works for us. But, in this day & age, it doesn't for everyone.

What dweej wrote about not being able to attend children's school activities because of "I have to work" really hit home with me. I went to many of a much younger cousin's "mommy" & kindergardener outings because his own mom couldn't go because of work. Unfortunately for him, my aunt always responded to his plaintive requests with yelling & frustration. He didn't understand where that might have been coming from - just knew that his mom was yelling at him. I'm so glad that I will have the opportunity to do those things for my children but what it really comes down to is a very personal decision for each family.

And I couldn't agree more that there is a lot to be said for happy mom = happy child whether as a SAHM, WFHM or working mom.
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Old 06-14-2009, 01:05 AM
 
354 posts, read 2,423,832 times
Reputation: 255
I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. After we got pregnant with our 2nd, we decided I would stay at home with the kiddos...daycare for 2 is ridiculous!! Anywho, working on one income took some getting used to but to help out, I work from home....only about $1000 a month but it's better than nothing!

Just remember that your family is an investment as well! Good Luck!
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Old 06-14-2009, 01:36 AM
 
72 posts, read 210,130 times
Reputation: 65
I thought I must share my two cents especially since the last contributor said something about working mothers being busy at weekends.
For me the decision to work came automatically since that was what I saw and knew growing up. Both my parents worked outside the home and having schooled in England where 90% of the mother I came across seemed to do some sort of part-time work or something. (Income taxes are high in England and cost of living is astronomical so it's virtually impossible to live on just one salary. But I digress, yes I feel bad when I have to leave my 2 small kids at the daycare and there have been times I have cried and wondered if I was doing the right thing. But I have learned that only time will tell and everyone's circumsstance is different. Yes, we could get by on one salary but would virtually not be able to save. However, I recently found out the difficulties we had since my first was born in terms of his health and behavior is because he is autistic. Believe I pray about this and know God is at work in him but on the other hand we have spent so much money on hospital stays and tests that if I had chosen to stay at home, we would be bankrupt by now. And this is inspite of the fact that there is insurance.
So let your wife make the call and do what is pleasing to you both. It's a tough decision but I also know that I can't work full time forever. At some point I am going to have to do a few days so that I can do games, PTA, etc.
Either way, you wouldn't be bad parents.

P.S. Yes I did shop at midnight on Friday and spent Saturday cooking and cleaning.
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