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A mailman is retiring, and on his last day of delivery many of his customers show their appreciation of his hard work with gifts of flowers, candy and cash. At one house, the lady of the house opens the door and she's wearing a revealing neglige! She pulls the mailman in the house, takes him upstairs, and has her way with him. She then fixes him a breakfast of bacon, pancakes, and fried eggs. Sitting on the table next to the orange juice is a dollar bill. When he asks her about it she says: "My husband and I were discussing what to get you for your last day. He said 'Screw him! Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
The OP is nearly four years old, but nothing has changed for the better in California, in fact, a few of the points have gotten even worse. Still very funny, but painfully so for those of us that are stuck here, but still cannot quite leave yet but are getting closer to doing so.
Good stuff, funny funny! My wife killed my dream of Idaho, but agreed on Colorado. Either way, at least I won't be in California! Besides, Colorado does have a Taxpayers Bill of Rights. A far sight better than California's Taxpayers Bill of Thievery.
Location: Oklahoma(formerly SoCalif) Originally Mich,
13,387 posts, read 19,429,775 times
Reputation: 4611
Quote:
Originally Posted by SacTown11
Good stuff, funny funny! My wife killed my dream of Idaho, but agreed on Colorado. Either way, at least I won't be in California! Besides, Colorado does have a Taxpayers Bill of Rights.
Quote:
A far sight better than California's Taxpayers Bill of Thievery.
Here is a comment about the Governor race in California and my reply. There is only party affiliation, not policy discussion. Not that it matters, neither candidate will be able to stop California's eventual economic insolvency, but this is exactly the kind of "issues" that matter to the majority of voters here. Complete ignoramuses .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexus
I agree absolutely.
The fact that Whitman would try to appeal to women by overblowing the use of a word used by someone associated with Brown, shows that she has nothing. Whitman has spent over $130 million dollars to show us that she stinks. Her party is absolutely pathetic.
Looking forward to the tenure of Governor Brown.END QUOTE
My reply:
Oye, I'd rather someone spend their own money than take millions from Public Unions that STEAL dues from non members.
God the people of this state is going to get exactly what it deserves. So will the people of Illinois.
See, this is the biggest joke in this entire thread. Anyone else laughing at this? I am. Then again, only extremists from both sides visit California forums to talk politics. lol I wish I had time to find a few Republican-ignorant remarks to share...but I have a life and I need to get back to it.
Location: Oklahoma(formerly SoCalif) Originally Mich,
13,387 posts, read 19,429,775 times
Reputation: 4611
it can be hard keeping a straight face as a court reporter
Quote:
(though we do have to keep laughing even in the most depressing situations!!) j
these are from a book called disorder in the american courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by california court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
attorney: what was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? witness: he said , 'where am i, cathy?' attorney: And why did that upset you? witness: my name is susan!
____________________________________________
attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and reeboks.
____________________________________________
attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No , i just lie there.
____________________________________________
attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget..
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do..
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________
attorney: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
attorney: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
Witness: He's 20 , much like your iq.
___________________________________________
attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ****ting me?
_________________________________________
my favorite
attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was august 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Getting laid
____________________________________________
attorney: She had three children , right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your honor, i think i need a different attorney. Can i get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death..
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard
attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town i'm going with male.
_____________________________________
attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which i sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how i dress when i go to work.
______________________________________
attorney: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
attorney: All your responses must be oral , ok? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
_________________________________________
attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm
attorney: And mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not , he was by the time i finished.
____________________________________________
attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
and last:
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No..
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
mkfarnam, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. For this I thank you sir!!! I've gotta get that book.
Sactown, i agree that california is screwed. Their pensions for union/government workers are so incredibly huge. If they make any cuts, I can almost guarantee that strikes will happen. The poopstorm is coming...I'm so glad I'm up here in ID. This should be a lesson to all. The rest of the country will have to face medicare/social security issues. sigh...pain is coming. But after, healing can begin.
LMAO! That is great! Thought I would chime in here guys/gals, I have lived in CA my whole life and can't wait to leave this state for yours! We have a governor that cant even pronounce our state's name properly! Our state budget is 3 months late, there was a shooting at an art event the other day, and my 4 year old asked me for a facebook account and an iPhone!! I can't wait for my move to Idaho in 2 years!! She is gonna learn what life is all about, like when I was a child! Looking forward to sharing a beer with you all!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DESERTRYDER
IDAHoDREAMIN is buying BEER
A new friendship is on the horizon
Well, we're not coming from CA, we're coming from across the country actually (PA!), but I still wanted to chime in because:
a) I thought these were funny
b) I too can't wait to get out of here and take my 2 year old daughter to be where she can grow up and experience life as we did growing up
and most importantly
c) I'll buy the second round. and third. and fourth.
Aw hell, just come on over to our place and we can all sip out of our kegerator.
attorney: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
That one is my favorite. lmao
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