Official Discussion on the Mormon/LDS influence in Idaho (Boise: to live in, vs.)

[joelbella2007]

Originally Posted by SergeantL

I appreciate your post, but I would like to analyze it for a moment. I'm not so sure the word "shunned" is an accurate term. You probably did not realize a full social life with your Mormon neighbors because their social life is centered around the Church, and since you are not LDS, you were not included. This does not mean you were not wanted or purposely excluded. Scouting, young women's activities, adult activities, ect. are Church activites. I would experience the same isolation if I lived in Italy and did not partake of the activities offered by the Catholic Church, but I would never claim the Caholics shunned me.

I agree with most of your post. Before we came here, we weren't really all that knowledgeable about the Mormon church. We came here because of a job. I don't have that big of a problem with them not wanting to be friends with me or excluding me from church activities. I wouldn't have gone anyways. It doesn't make them bad people.

However, I would say we were shunned or maybe the proper term should be ostracized. Not by everyone but quite a few. There were alot of people that no longer spoke to us, neighbors that were coming over once a week and being friendly with us. There were derogatory comments made to me about being Catholic. I felt it was hypocritical because I never pushed my beliefs on anyone because I respected the fact that everyone is LDS here. Why couldn't I receive the same treatment?

The point of my post is that people that aren't LDS are going to feel isolated. Children will have trouble understanding why other kids don't want to be friends with them. People coming to this part of Idaho should be aware of the different experiences one may have here so they won't move into a community they won't fit in to.

We don't fit so we are moving next year.

[Syringaloid]

Originally Posted by joelbella2007

I live in the Rexburg area which is worse than Blackfoot. I'm also Catholic and have been "politely" ridiculed for it. I've met a few people that are really nice and accepting but our family has been shunned here. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Its a beautiful area and town. The people are nice and friendly, there is very little crime but you really need to be LDS to make a life here. Your kids will be lonely and if you are a single adult, it will be very hard to make friends or meet a member of the opposite sex.

My problem isn't with Idaho. I like the state, I just don't want to live where everyone is LDS. Not because I dislike them or their religion but because there is a barrier between those that are and those that aren't.

We are moving to the Boise area. It seems like there's something for everyone there. Idaho is like any place, you need to be sure of where you are going and what works best for you and your family before you make the decision to move to a certain area.

Good points. Like you mentioned, there is nothing wrong with being LDS or our LDS neighbors, but I would think, as you do, in more rural area of the state like Rexburg, Idaho Falls, and the rest of South East Idaho that if you are not LDS you might have personal struggles fitting in with the rest of the crowd. Whenever there is a large concentration of one certain religion issues like this happen and it does not mean that the religion is bad or the people are bad. I have heard the same issues regarding living in Utah, which is obvious since that is where the LDS church is headquartered.
If you are Catholic, you will enjoy Boise as the Catholic church is dominant in the Boise area with many beautiful churches. In fact the first known religious service in Boise was a Catholic Mass. There are a lot of LDS in the Boise area, but with a larger population base they are not the majority. There is a nice equal mix religious wise in Boise IMO.

[Lacerta]

Wow! As a 3rd generation Idahoan, and a Boise native, I have NEVER seen this sort of behavior. Ok, once in high school I was called a heathen, but that was one person in an isolated incident. I laughed then and I laugh now. Yes, I am a heathen, is that supposed to be an insult of some sort?

Here is my experience. My parents were both born into Mormon families, my mom's family was very (VERY) active in the church, dad's was not. Out of my mom's 5 siblings and herself, 4 married outside the church. After moving to Boise, neither of my parents went to church or actively practiced any sort of faith. I'm an atheist, and I would have to call my sister an agnostic, neither of us were baptised into the LDS church.

When I was little, I can't remember any of my friends who were not Mormon. In high school, I had some friends who were and some who were not. When I went to college in Logan, Utah (about 80-85% Mormon), I had 15 roommates over the years, 100% of them were Mormon.

In both places, for my entire childhood and young adult life, I was always invited along to events, went to some and always had a good time. I even went along to girl's camp two different summers, and was welcomed, even though I was not Mormon. As long as I kept quiet or out of the way during any religious stuff, there was no issue. I was never ridiculed or made to feel an outsider, even though my friends and their parents knew very well that we didn't have the same beliefs. Some of my very best friends today are Mormon, some are not. The only time I can think of that our different beliefs got in the way, was that my Mormon friends couldn't swim in our pool on Sundays.

When my dad fell off a roof and got hurt some years back, my mom was working 18 hour days to keep up with everything. After they found out what had happened, one or another of our Mormon neighbors brought over a dinner dish of some sort most nights so that mom wouldn't have to cook on top of everything else.

I don't know what preconceptions or attitudes you people went into these situations with, but your relationships with others are what you make them.

[Sage of Sagle]

Lacerta,

I'm glad to hear your personal experience was positive. However, in the same way that another person's anecdotal evidence of "bad mormons" does not mean all mormons are exclusionary, your anecdotal story about good/nice/accepting mormons does NOT be default mean that you can tell someone that their negative experience means THEY should have tried harder or "made more of the relationship".

[Katarina Witt]

Originally Posted by Sage of Sagle

Lacerta,

I'm glad to hear your personal experience was positive. However, in the same way that another person's anecdotal evidence of "bad mormons" does not mean all mormons are exclusionary, your anecdotal story about good/nice/accepting mormons does NOT be default mean that you can tell someone that their negative experience means THEY should have tried harder or "made more of the relationship".

I agree 1000%. This came up on the Utah forum, too. (Big surprise, LOL)

[Lacerta]

You disagree that we are responsible for the relationships we have in life? We will just have to agree to disagree then.

That said, there are exceptions to every rule. There are going to be some people who are jerks no matter how hard you try, but Mormon ideology usually has nothing to do with that. The fact is, some people are just jerks. Period. They may use their religion as an excuse to act that way, but that is an inherent personality trait.

The anecdote I mentioned was not the point of my post. I was coming from 30 years of being immersed in the environment up to my eyebrows. I didn't have one good experience that made me think Mormons have as much potential to be good people as anyone else. I've had 30 years of a strong majority of good experiences. Are there Mormons I have not been able to get along with? You bet. Is it because of Mormon "rules" or "ideas"? Not in any case I can think of.

The thing that gets me reading this thread, is that even having lived here my whole life, and knowing the way things really are, this thread starts to make me think this is a horrible place to live as a non-Mormon, and that just is not the case.

Anyway, I stand by my statement. If you go into a situation expecting the worst, you will find it, every time!

[SergeantL]

Originally Posted by Lacerta

Anyway, I stand by my statement. If you go into a situation expecting the worst, you will find it, every time!

Not only do I agree with this, but I would also state that those who scream the loudest are usually the problem. In 35 years of law enforcement, I can't recall one instance where the instigator in a neighborhood problem was rational and cooperative. They inevitably pointed the finger at someone else and claimed to be the victim.

[Sage of Sagle]

I think we're getting a bit tangential here...

What you're saying about problems is very true. Negative expectations generally produce negative outcomes. However, it's a fallacy of logic to start making assumptions that people who have issues breaking into a social strata are by and large to blame for the failure. I have just heard from WAY too many people who went into an LDS-dominant community EXPECTING to live an idyllic suburban life and finding it NOT to be the case. This leads me to believe that (discounting the anecdotal extremes) that the issues with the Mormons being exclusionary exists and is a very real issue, but is probably not nearly as widespread as some people believe.

[SergeantL]

Originally Posted by Sage of Sagle

I have just heard from WAY too many people who went into an LDS-dominant community EXPECTING to live an idyllic suburban life and finding it NOT to be the case.

Herein lies the problem. There is some sort of expectation that life in a LDS neighborhood is going to be different from any other neighborhood, which is a failure of logic. If these same people, who complain so loudly about the Mormons, lived in a neighborhood where the dominant religion was unknown and they experienced the same alleged treatment, it is a reasonable certainty there would be no internet postings complaining about how “Mary Jo Smith wouldn’t allow her kids to play with mine.”

You are absolutely correct, Sage. We have both seen "WAY too many" posts regarding this issue; however, I have a much different interpretation for their presence. I believe it is far easier to blame a particular religious group than it is to blame an individual.

My mother was a Methodist, and there were some kids in the neighborhood, where I grew up, with whom my mother disallowed association. Now, one can blame my mother’s religion, or one can logically deduce that my mother objected to the behavior of the quarantined kids and perhaps even their parents, from whom the kids learned their behavior. Sorry, but that’s life and the reality of the world.

In regards to many of these Mormon neighbor complaints, I would surmise that if one drinks, smokes, watches “R” rated entertainment, has a tendency to slip into colorful metaphors, or engages any number of other completely acceptable worldly activities that are not part of acceptable LDS behavior, one can find themselves outside of the LDS “social strata,” but whose fault is that?

[arianiah]

oh i just love all of these comments about attitudes. I agree whole heartedly with the religion doesn't make much of a difference about where to live. Although i would caution that if you have teenagers they may feel a bit offended when they learn that most lds families don't allow their kids to date outside of their religion. Beyond that i think it is what you make it. And be a good neighbor to all of your neighbors-they all wont be lds-even in rexburg