Please tell me this isnt true about iowa!! (Des Moines, Iowa City: apartments, townhouses)

[ruman82]

We are a married Lesbian couple, both 28, and black/Hispanic, considering a move to either Iowa City or Des Moines. We just want to live in a welcoming, affordable state where we can plant our roots. Currently residing in Philly, but I'm from NYC.

Did some research on Iowa, got so excited about the good things that I completely crossed off San Diego, CA as an option (mother in law lives there and wants us to move there). I literally checked out job info, schools (we both want to go back to school), apartments, and so much more. We were 100% sure that Iowa was a place for us. After all, we are laid back, stay to ourselves and just want to start a family. Not party animals in the least.

Then I read this:

Iowa Is a Godforsaken Waste Land - A Personal Story (Mobile Version)

After reading it I began googling bad things about Iowa and now I'm so defeated. I wanted Iowa to be our new HOME, a place where we could be ourselves.....but maybe its not huh?

Is Iowa City or Des Moines apart of said article? Or just smaller, more rural areas? I'm really upset.....

[Dport7674]

You can find articles (rants) that say the exact opposite of that one. My worst day ever was in Bakersfield, Ca. but I don't hate California. Know what I mean?

Des Moines makes "Best places to live" lists and Iowa City is a very cool college town. But I'm sure you can find people who hate both.

It goes without saying you should probably stay away from small, rural areas.

[Chicago60614]

Why would you be upset!?!? Did you read the article? How unhappy can one person possibly be. Jee wiz, the lady doesn't like Iowans and thinks they're all rude? I'm sure it can't possibly be because of the way SHE more than likely treats people in her life. She craps on everyone and everything, then gets upset because people don't treat her with stellar customer service.

I would laugh at that article and move on, it's total garbage. There are unhappy people all over the country who project their horrible lives onto their surroundings. I feel sorry for the people that woman comes into contact with each day.

You'll do perfectly fine in Iowa City or Des Moines. I'm gay, grew up in Iowa City and still have lots of gay and lesbian friends back home. It's a great town if that's where you choose to go, you'll love it there.

Good luck!


*don't spend time looking up reasons why people hate areas, spend your time researching what's there and what positive things are going on. You'll find disillusioned and angry people who just hate everything in all parts of the country. Your life is what you make of it, don't get too concerned about people who live to hate. I read people screaming rants about Chicago all day long. If you ate them up for truth you'd probably think this was a hell on earth. I couldn't possibly be any happier. I love my city, my friends and my job.

[duster1979]

Originally Posted by ruman82

After reading it I began googling bad things about Iowa and now I'm so defeated. I wanted Iowa to be our new HOME, a place where we could be ourselves.....but maybe its not huh?

Please tell me, how did anything in that pathetic rant give you the idea that you won't be able to be yourselves in Iowa?

[zz4guy]

If you are an openly gay couple who want to find likeminded people everywhere you go, then California or New York is your better choice. Why some people think Iowa=California simply because we allow gays to marry, continues to baffle me.

[Lily0fthevalley]

HI Ruman82 -

I have lived in Iowa City, and can say positively that you won't have a bit of problem there - it is a truely nice, liveable, very welcoming community for all people. For me it has gotten a little too big, sprawling out into Coralville, but it doesn't sound as though that will bother you.

Also, don't count out small towns. I recently moved to a town of about 11,000 people and have already met one out gay couple and a group of friendly out lesbian singles. As the cleaning lady here says, "what they do in their own home is their business, not mine." Just don't expect to be invited to attend the local Baptist or other fundamentalist churches. On the other hand, the Lutherans, Episcopalians and Presbyterians would welcome you!

Come on out to visit and see what you think! Nothing beats a long visit and friendly conversations with locals.

[steel03]

I am gay and have lived in Des Moines and Decorah for nine years. It is a wonderful place to live. Don't believe that rant, I promise you Des Moines and Iowa City are full of kind, thoughtful, rational, intelligent people who certainly aren't bad drivers. I have never encountered an Iowan acting like the people in that article. Not even in the rural areas. Des Moines feels and operates like a much smaller Twin Cities, and Iowa City is a liberal college town. You'll be perfectly fine here.

[ruman82]

Thank you all for your responses! My main concern was the fact that we will always be looked at as outsiders. I don't want to go to a job where people don't like me because I'm not a native. I can deal with rudeness, trust me, but give me a better reason.

We will visit, because I'm a pretty good judge of character. But if the people are anything like you all, then I'm confident this will be our new home. You all seem awesome :-)

[WyoNewk]

I was raised in Iowa, left at age 20, and have no desire to return, but it's not because of the people. For the most part, they're great. In fact, I almost moved back there a decade ago to marry a gal I was seeing, but I couldn't bring myself to move back to summer's heat and humidity and the lack of mountains. As far as the populace, Iowans in general are friendly, generous, wonderful folks.

You'll find people who hate any area of the world. They're just that way. I believe in most cases they are treated poorly, but they probably bring it on themselves by looking for the worst in everything and everyone.

One warning no matter where you move to, most all communities, large or small, have undesirable neighborhoods. Move into a roach-infested shack in one and you probably won't like the town or the whole state. I've noticed that when reading trash talk about my own small community. When I learn where they lived it's usually in one of a few areas that are filled with crammed, run-down townhouses or old mobile homes. I wouldn't like it either if I had to live in those places.

[WyoNewk]

Originally Posted by ruman82

... I don't want to go to a job where people don't like me because I'm not a native....

I doubt you'll find that exactly, but you might feel excluded from many events because of it -- not because they don't like you, but because many have friendships going back to grammar school and high school days. It's just a matter of it being "easier" to maintain old friendships than to create new ones.

My parents experienced this 50 years ago when we moved to a small town in Iowa. They felt a little excluded, but after living there awhile they (we) came to fit right in. When my dad was later badly burned in an accident, the town set a new record for blood donations, all given in his name. I forget the numbers, but the number of donors who turned out for him in that small town (5000) was truly astonishing.

The best way to speed up being "accepted" would be to join a few organizations that interest you and volunteer your time.