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Old 09-27-2011, 09:34 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
12,298 posts, read 15,890,711 times
Reputation: 29576

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily0fthevalley View Post
I've not encountered this ANYWHERE else as an adult, even when I lived in deep south Arkansas!

Perhaps you should get around the south more?
Most of Tennessee would probably horrify you, women use the term hon and dear and sweetie on each other and on men too. Equal opportunity sexism?
Tennessee style flirting
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
2,401 posts, read 3,845,028 times
Reputation: 1444
Much to do about nothin’ IMO. Be honest, if someone hadn’t told you at some time in the past that you should be offended by these terms, you’d never have given them a second thought.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:44 AM
 
11,288 posts, read 23,398,388 times
Reputation: 11190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily0fthevalley View Post
Since I've moved to a largish small Iowa town I've been encountering a behavior that just drives me crazy.

Men in businesses like the grocery store, auto repair shop, and carpet place use the words "Hun" and "Dear" when talking to women.

As in, "it's the aisle on the left, Hun." "I'll call you when it's ready, dear."

Is this not 2011?

Did we not get rid of this kind of thing in the 1970s?

Do men in Central Iowa really not know that it is offensive to call a strange woman by words that should only be used as an endearment for a person they know well?

Do they not know to use the word "ma'am" when speaking with an older woman?

Do they not know when addressing younger women or women in general, it's fine to just leave off the endearment? "It's the aisle on the left." "I'll call you when it's ready."

Seriously, what is WRONG with them? Do men do this in other parts of Iowa?

I've not encountered this ANYWHERE else as an adult, even when I lived in deep south Arkansas!

This is just a culture clash - plain and simple. The people in those rural areas aren't being rude or offensive, it's just how things work there. They'd be just as shocked at you thinking they were doing something wrong as you are at them for saying it. I'd just accept it and move on - no other choice.

I've been in rural Arkansas and down in Texas before and EVERYTHING was all hon and dear, and nonstop "well bless your heart".
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:56 AM
Status: "...know when to walk away" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
31,119 posts, read 67,937,091 times
Reputation: 36926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily0fthevalley View Post
Since I've moved to a largish small Iowa town I've been encountering a behavior that just drives me crazy.

Men in businesses like the grocery store, auto repair shop, and carpet place use the words "Hun" and "Dear" when talking to women.
Tell them to stop or they'll be sued for trademark infringement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSun
Whiting has officially trademarked the word "Hon." Over the years, she has trademarked almost every play on the word she could think of. Like the words "Cafe Hon" and "Honfest" and "Hon Bar" and "Hontown," the name of her newest Hampden shop. She owns the image of the word captured in an oval, the way it appears on all those bumper stickers. And that's just for starters.
source
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,370 posts, read 35,826,575 times
Reputation: 9055
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily0fthevalley View Post
Oh my goodness, sweetie, didn't your parents teach you to say "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir" to anyone older than yourself? It's only common courtesy, hunnybunch!






There IS no one OLDER then me.
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Old 09-28-2011, 04:31 PM
 
645 posts, read 928,142 times
Reputation: 1483
Wow. I agree that this is much ado about nothing. As long as the men were not leering at you like they wanted to take you in a back room or weren't being sarcastic then what is the big deal? I don't think it was meant to be demeaning like you are some weak female or anything. They probably didn't give it a second thought and use those words with everyone on a regular basis.

I call people (male and female) dear on occasion and I don't think I have offended anyone. There are a LOT worse things to be called and I certainly don't want to be called Ma'am. I think that sounds really condescending.

For the record I am female and have lived in Iowa and Illinois my whole life.
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Old 09-28-2011, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Council Bluffs, Iowa
318 posts, read 465,174 times
Reputation: 489
Growing up in Western Iowa, my mother used to hate it when shopping in Omaha and they called her Ma'am.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,257 posts, read 17,867,001 times
Reputation: 12591
I'm a male, rapidly approaching what we generally think of as middle age although, to be honest, I'm more than likely at or beyond the halfway point of my life.

I usually get "hon" from women around my age or younger. Women old enough to have an AARP card usually give me the full "honey." So I guess it's true, the younger generations really are lazier.

Guys I usually address as "partner" or "brother." When I use "brother" I generally do it in my best Hulk Hogan voice while flexing my muscles and pointing. I spent some time out west working for a public livery stable, so when I address someone as "dude" it is usually meant as something of a slam although the recipient isn't aware of it.

Back to the whole "ma'am" thing; yes, I was raised to call women "ma'am." Then when I got to college I said "yes, ma'am" to a slightly older female professor. She didn't take offense, but did inform me that if you are unsure of the marital status of a lady you are addressing you should use "miss" rather than "ma'am." This sounded fishy to me so I checked with a professor in the department who had a PhD in English to go along with his PhD in business and with the professor who had been in charge of placement in the department for many years, and both confirmed this. This was a major state university (not in Iowa), not some 500-student church-run liberal arts college in Podunk, USA. Given that any Joe Schmoe can jump on Wikipedia and write whatever he wants, I'll trust the advice of these established professionals over whatever that website may say.
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Approximately 50 miles from Missoula MT/38 yrs full time after 4 yrs part time
2,309 posts, read 3,562,400 times
Reputation: 4989
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily0fthevalley View Post

.................................................. .................................................. .................................... lived in Ames Iowa for two years, and was never called "hon" or "dear" by strange men. While living there I worked in Urbandale - and never was called an endearment by a male I don't know. I also lived in Iowa City for 9 months, and never ever encountered this issue............................................. .................................................. ..........................

H'mmmmmmm........well, all I can say is: "If the shoe fits---wear it! Maybe in all those towns you mentioned living and were not called "hun or dear".......................maybe you didn't meet their qualifications for that term of reference.

.................................................. ....................... how would an older male feel if a younger female called you "dear"?..................I'd be "flattered", and take it as a compliment.......& hope she'd say it again the next time I was in her presence.
.................Well, having lived in Iowa for almost 5 years;....and having received my college education in Iowa;.....and having met my future wife (while attending college) in Iowa;........and having been married for 51 years to that lady.............................I feel somewhat qualified to give you my "opinion(s)":

1/ You should feel complimented....not offended....

2/ I happen to be "guility" of this habit of referring to several different catagories of ladies that I may come in contact with during the course of a typical day........as "Hun" and/or Dear..................and I've never been "called-out" for it................not even once! And I'm in my 80th year. Soooooooooooooooo, maybe, just maybe, all the ladies that have been on "the receiving-end" of my "compliments" over these many years......are of a different "culture" than you.

Oh, by the way.....Have you ever read the book entitled:......"Don't Sweat The Small Stuff."........IMHO it's the "key" to a long and happy life!
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Old 09-29-2011, 05:20 AM
 
120 posts, read 281,288 times
Reputation: 88
Oh my, as a native New Yorker, I agree that this is a tempest in a teapot. I have traveled all over this country and have been called ma'am, hun, dear in many different locales both inside and outside of Iowa by peoples of all ages, genders, and ethnicities. I simply take it for what it is, and then move on.

I am not so sure why you choose to be so offended by these mannerisms? It might be healthier and more productive to simply acknowledge these situations when they happen and move on, why carry all this anger over these minor incidents with you? People express themselves differently, period. These mannerisms are not necessarily indicative of anything other than the person not knowing your name.

BTW, I am a 59 year old woman, extremely well-educated, with a thus far very non-traditional life. I am confident enough in my self worth that I really don't give a rat's *** what other people think or choose to call me.
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