Being Gay in Small Town Iowa (Des Moines, Cedar Rapids: house, purchase, living in)

[MaxandBebe]

My partner and I are thinking about relocating from Los Angeles to Iowa. We know the eastern part of the state is more liberal with places like Iowa City, Davenport, Des Moines but I'm originally from Nebraska and have friends and contacts in Omaha and Lincoln so we are looking at small town in the southwest quarter such as Council Bluffs, Red Oak, Creston, Shenandoah, Clarinda, Glenwood, etc. Ideally, we'd purchase an old house or downtown building and restore it in order to create some type of business. We understand that there won't be any "gay" lifestyle and that is okay but we're a bit worried about safety and harassment. We've been in LA for twenty years and are hoping with gay marriage being legal in Iowa for almost a decade now that things are a bit more liberal than before. Can anyone provide any information on what this transition might be like. Thanks.

[funksoulbro]

According to The Advocate, your best choice would be Davenport. It ranked #9 on their list of most gay-friendly American cities a couple years back. Cedar Rapids was #24 on that list. (For the record, I'm not a big fan of these lists...but some people are.)

Davenport named LGBT-friendly city | Local | qconline.com

In southwest Iowa, you're probably not going to find as many people who will appreciate your right to be married.

[EastCB]

Originally Posted by funksoulbro

According to The Advocate, your best choice would be Davenport. It ranked #9 on their list of most gay-friendly American cities a couple years back. Cedar Rapids was #24 on that list. (For the record, I'm not a big fan of these lists...but some people are.)

Davenport named LGBT-friendly city | Local | qconline.com

In southwest Iowa, you're probably not going to find as many people who will appreciate your right to be married.

You will have no problem in southwest Iowa. My partner and I have lived here for 30 years and have never had a problem.

[fezzador]

Originally Posted by MaxandBebe

My partner and I are thinking about relocating from Los Angeles to Iowa. We know the eastern part of the state is more liberal with places like Iowa City, Davenport, Des Moines but I'm originally from Nebraska and have friends and contacts in Omaha and Lincoln so we are looking at small town in the southwest quarter such as Council Bluffs, Red Oak, Creston, Shenandoah, Clarinda, Glenwood, etc. Ideally, we'd purchase an old house or downtown building and restore it in order to create some type of business. We understand that there won't be any "gay" lifestyle and that is okay but we're a bit worried about safety and harassment. We've been in LA for twenty years and are hoping with gay marriage being legal in Iowa for almost a decade now that things are a bit more liberal than before. Can anyone provide any information on what this transition might be like. Thanks.

IMHO, western Iowa is the least desirable part of the state to live in. It's sparsely populated, it's bleeding out thousands of people each year (traditionally they left the state altogether, but now more of them are moving to other parts of Iowa which negates the overall population loss), and is so conservative it makes Alabama look liberal (case in point: Roy Moore and Steve King are both disgusting individuals, but unlike Moore, King will never lose to a Democrat).

If proximity to Omaha and Lincoln is a requirement, then outside of actually moving to Nebraska (which is basically an extension of western Iowa), then your best bet would be Council Bluffs. Communities like Creston and Atlantic are the largest between Omaha and Des Moines (they're big enough to have a Walmart), but are at least an hour away from either city. Unless you're self-employed or retired, you're probably going to want to consider working in Des Moines or Omaha as there are few decent-paying jobs in the rural parts of the state.

If you're specifically looking for the small-town experience, then there's nothing wrong with communities like Creston, Atlantic, etc. But I'd personally be bored out of my gourd living there because I grew up living in small towns and I just can't do that anymore. I don't necessarily find rural Iowans "friendly" per se, but they are generally at least polite and respectful. Though, there are some communities in central Iowa that have some serious a-holes (I won't name names, but you're looking at an area over 100+ miles from where I lived so it hopefully doesn't apply). There is very much a "live and let live" attitude, so most people probably won't notice or care about your lifestyle.

Good luck.

[Meemur]

Originally Posted by fezzador

There is very much a "live and let live" attitude, so most people probably won't notice or care about your lifestyle.

Yes, unless you spend a large portion of your day blocking traffic while carrying protest signs, it's doubtful anyone is going to notice or care. Look, it's about 10 degrees right now. When I'm outside, I'm focused on getting from Point A to Point B. When I'm in the stores, I'm concentrating on what I need, so I can get out of there and get home where it is warm. I'm sure I'm not alone in that!

I know that I consider things like lifestyles *private,* and I know that others do, too.

[Advanta]

What the hell are 'homosexual friendly cities' anyway? I know what it means for a city to be 'business friendly' or 'tech friendly' in that the city develops policies that will attract and develop businesses of all sizes and ilks. Those cities actively recruit, promote, and endorse business interests and activity.

So if a city is 'homosexual friendly', does that mean that city develops policies that will attract homosexuals of all ilks? Does that mean that those cities will recruit, promote and endorse homosexual interests and activity?

I can't see any inherent value in a city being homosexual friendly, or am I missing some intrinsic, over-arching value in promoting homosexual relocation/life? I think most people aren't very interested in their neighbor's sexual proclivities unless they are somehow in violation of the law. Similarly, I don't think most people want to have another person's sexual appetite, no matter how aberrant, shoved in their face. I think most people want to be left alone, unmolested, and don't wish to get beat about the head about another persons' aberrant sexual tastes. Just live your own lives.

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by Advanta

What the hell are 'homosexual friendly cities' anyway? I know what it means for a city to be 'business friendly' or 'tech friendly' in that the city develops policies that will attract and develop businesses of all sizes and ilks. Those cities actively recruit, promote, and endorse business interests and activity.

So if a city is 'homosexual friendly', does that mean that city develops policies that will attract homosexuals of all ilks? Does that mean that those cities will recruit, promote and endorse homosexual interests and activity?

I can't see any inherent value in a city being homosexual friendly, or am I missing some intrinsic, over-arching value in promoting homosexual relocation/life? I think most people aren't very interested in their neighbor's sexual proclivities unless they are somehow in violation of the law. Similarly, I don't think most people want to have another person's sexual appetite, no matter how aberrant, shoved in their face. I think most people want to be left alone, unmolested, and don't wish to get beat about the head about another persons' aberrant sexual tastes. Just live your own lives.

I am sure if you take time to think about it, you will understand what a gay friendly city means? There are places in our country as most know that are more accepting of alternative life styles. This goes for states as well. We all know gays are more accepted in say, SF or Portland than say Huntsville, Al or even parts of NWA. This doesn't mean one will not run into people who are not accepting regardless of the city, or that the most conservative, bible belt city will all try and chase a gay person away, but there are many cities that are more accepting. They are gay friendly cities. That shouldn't be too hard to understand. Wouldn't you agree?

[smpliving]

Originally Posted by Advanta

What the hell are 'homosexual friendly cities' anyway? I know what it means for a city to be 'business friendly' or 'tech friendly' in that the city develops policies that will attract and develop businesses of all sizes and ilks. Those cities actively recruit, promote, and endorse business interests and activity.

So if a city is 'homosexual friendly', does that mean that city develops policies that will attract homosexuals of all ilks? Does that mean that those cities will recruit, promote and endorse homosexual interests and activity?

I can't see any inherent value in a city being homosexual friendly, or am I missing some intrinsic, over-arching value in promoting homosexual relocation/life? I think most people aren't very interested in their neighbor's sexual proclivities unless they are somehow in violation of the law. Similarly, I don't think most people want to have another person's sexual appetite, no matter how aberrant, shoved in their face. I think most people want to be left alone, unmolested, and don't wish to get beat about the head about another persons' aberrant sexual tastes. Just live your own lives.

Check out Iowa City.

https://www.tripsavvy.com/iowa-city-gay-guide-1417555

https://www.desmoinesregister.com/st...ies/779573001/

[Nurse Bishop]

Originally Posted by Advanta

What the hell are 'homosexual friendly cities' anyway? I know what it means for a city to be 'business friendly' or 'tech friendly' in that the city develops policies that will attract and develop businesses of all sizes and ilks. Those cities actively recruit, promote, and endorse business interests and activity.

So if a city is 'homosexual friendly', does that mean that city develops policies that will attract homosexuals of all ilks? Does that mean that those cities will recruit, promote and endorse homosexual interests and activity?

I can't see any inherent value in a city being homosexual friendly, or am I missing some intrinsic, over-arching value in promoting homosexual relocation/life? I think most people aren't very interested in their neighbor's sexual proclivities unless they are somehow in violation of the law. Similarly, I don't think most people want to have another person's sexual appetite, no matter how aberrant, shoved in their face. I think most people want to be left alone, unmolested, and don't wish to get beat about the head about another persons' aberrant sexual tastes. Just live your own lives.

^^^^
I like the way he/she/it said that. Very well said, thank you I don't think people should be discriminated against for being homosexual or for any reason. Its just that most people don't want some random person's sexuality shoved in their faces. When some man comes up and starts a conversation out of the blue about his 'husband', or some woman wants to let me know about her 'wife' I make no comment and just walk away. Please, spare us and let us live our own lives.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by Advanta

I think most people want to be left alone, unmolested, and don't wish to get beat about the head about another persons' aberrant sexual tastes. Just live your own lives.

Yes, gay people want to be left alone, too. But that's often not the case. If you've never been harassed or beaten up for being perceived as gay, you don't get it. We don't get to "live our own lives" in some places because there's a double standard when it comes to "shoving your lifestyle down someone's throat".

Just as an example, for a straight person, mentioning their spouse is not an issue. For a gay person, mentioning or introducing their same sex spouse at a social function could be a big deal. Straight people never have to second guess themselves at situations like this, but gay people do. A gay person could be perceived as "shoving their sex life down someone's throat" by casually taking about their spouse/partner whereas that would never happen with a straight person.