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i live in memphis capital of n mississippi beginning of the delta
i grew up here and moved away for 16 years and lived in Dallas
came back here and was shocked to find how "closed" the culture is.
In Dallas if you volunteered for a school committee you were on and asked to be on many more. Here, I have yet after 5 or 6 years been "allowed" to be on a committe or be a room mom etc.
In Dallas there are so many new people always moving in and thus moving out as they are transferred to other big cities. Not so many people move into Memphis or Mississippi and so there are many "old timers" there. They are protective of their turf. I am FROM here and feel this way i can only imagine how a totally NEW person feels. I tell myself my kids go to school not me. They are well adjusted and happy. No they do not get included in some of the "in" groups and trips to Destin but they are fine. In fact they are exemplary and I have been excluded and at times been made fun of by other "Mom"s. Are YOU the one that wanted to bring cookies? They didn't even want me to bring cookies. I did though and they were great and the kids devoured them. Dont let the turkeys get you down. These MOMS don't want anyone besting them or getting ahead of them and a new person is "threatening". They do not know you and do not want you messing up the order of things. You might bump them down.
HEre there are a lot of Garden Clubs. My great grandmother was a member of one as well as my grandmother and my mother but because i moved away I missed my opportunity but doesn't life go on without that? I have lots of other things to do. The closed society is REAL. They just do not know what to do with a new person. Hang in there.
i live in memphis capital of n mississippi beginning of the delta
i grew up here and moved away for 16 years and lived in Dallas
came back here and was shocked to find how "closed" the culture is.
In Dallas if you volunteered for a school committee you were on and asked to be on many more. Here, I have yet after 5 or 6 years been "allowed" to be on a committe or be a room mom etc.
In Dallas there are so many new people always moving in and thus moving out as they are transferred to other big cities. Not so many people move into Memphis or Mississippi and so there are many "old timers" there. They are protective of their turf. I am FROM here and feel this way i can only imagine how a totally NEW person feels. I tell myself my kids go to school not me. They are well adjusted and happy. No they do not get included in some of the "in" groups and trips to Destin but they are fine. In fact they are exemplary and I have been excluded and at times been made fun of by other "Mom"s. Are YOU the one that wanted to bring cookies? They didn't even want me to bring cookies. I did though and they were great and the kids devoured them. Dont let the turkeys get you down. These MOMS don't want anyone besting them or getting ahead of them and a new person is "threatening". They do not know you and do not want you messing up the order of things. You might bump them down.
HEre there are a lot of Garden Clubs. My great grandmother was a member of one as well as my grandmother and my mother but because i moved away I missed my opportunity but doesn't life go on without that? I have lots of other things to do. The closed society is REAL. They just do not know what to do with a new person. Hang in there.
HEre there are a lot of Garden Clubs. My great grandmother was a member of one as well as my grandmother and my mother but because i moved away I missed my opportunity but doesn't life go on without that?
I need to find me one of them garden clubs. I wouldn't mind swapping some of my maters for a few watermelons and cantaloupes.
i live in memphis capital of n mississippi beginning of the delta
i grew up here and moved away for 16 years and lived in Dallas
came back here and was shocked to find how "closed" the culture is.
In Dallas if you volunteered for a school committee you were on and asked to be on many more. Here, I have yet after 5 or 6 years been "allowed" to be on a committe or be a room mom etc.
In Dallas there are so many new people always moving in and thus moving out as they are transferred to other big cities. Not so many people move into Memphis or Mississippi and so there are many "old timers" there. They are protective of their turf. I am FROM here and feel this way i can only imagine how a totally NEW person feels. I tell myself my kids go to school not me. They are well adjusted and happy. No they do not get included in some of the "in" groups and trips to Destin but they are fine. In fact they are exemplary and I have been excluded and at times been made fun of by other "Mom"s. Are YOU the one that wanted to bring cookies? They didn't even want me to bring cookies. I did though and they were great and the kids devoured them. Dont let the turkeys get you down. These MOMS don't want anyone besting them or getting ahead of them and a new person is "threatening". They do not know you and do not want you messing up the order of things. You might bump them down.
HEre there are a lot of Garden Clubs. My great grandmother was a member of one as well as my grandmother and my mother but because i moved away I missed my opportunity but doesn't life go on without that? I have lots of other things to do. The closed society is REAL. They just do not know what to do with a new person. Hang in there.
(Okay, I've tried to respond several times and keep losing it while typing so I hope a bunch of piecemeal responses don't show up! You'll know why if they do!)
Anyhow... I know what you mean Nickey7 because I grew up in a north Dallas suburb, and although it is the wealthiest city in the nation of it's size (over 250,000 but less than 500,000) it was FAR more friendly than here. Also, I moved here from a suburb of Nashville (again, the wealthiest county in TN), and they were super friendly and welcoming. So, money and being in the South don't have anything to do with it. (BTW, that's how it fits in Jacksonian.) I had no problem fitting in both of those places and had tons of friends. I know what you mean about having to qualify to even volunteer around here! It's crazy!
And VanBuren81, just so you know, I'm not one of those "obese, uneducated..." women who complain about everything because they aren't happy with themselves. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm petite (104 lbs) and have a college degree. Actually, I've been told by several friends that the reason women have been so cold to me here is because they are jealous and feel insecure around me. I don't buy that though because I was the same in Dallas and Nashville and didn't have that problem.
Funny though, my neighbor, who is a native of MS, just told me she doesn't want to go to neighborhood parties anymore because all the women try to "one-up" each other and gossip behind each other's backs. Many people have told me that it is Madison that is snobby (especially Reunion) and not Jackson. I think if I lived in Fondren or Belhaven I might have a different opinion. I'm a creative/artsy type (former model and actress and worked in the music industry) and probably would feel more comfortable around them. Too bad I didn't know that before building my house!
Oh well, I don't care what people think anymore. I'm over my materialistic, have to wear lipstick even to go to my mailbox days. I'm much happier now that I've let go of worrying what people think and enjoy just being myself.
Anyhow... I know what you mean Nickey7 because I grew up in a north Dallas suburb, and although it is the wealthiest city in the nation of it's size (over 250,000 but less than 500,000) it was FAR more friendly than here. Also, I moved here from a suburb of Nashville (again, the wealthiest county in TN), and they were super friendly and welcoming. So, money and being in the South don't have anything to do with it. (BTW, that's how it fits in Jacksonian.)
(Okay, I've tried to respond several times and keep losing it while typing so I hope a bunch of piecemeal responses don't show up! You'll know why if they do!)
Anyhow... I know what you mean Nickey7 because I grew up in a north Dallas suburb, and although it is the wealthiest city in the nation of it's size (over 250,000 but less than 500,000) it was FAR more friendly than here. Also, I moved here from a suburb of Nashville (again, the wealthiest county in TN), and they were super friendly and welcoming. So, money and being in the South don't have anything to do with it. (BTW, that's how it fits in Jacksonian.) I had no problem fitting in both of those places and had tons of friends. I know what you mean about having to qualify to even volunteer around here! It's crazy!
And VanBuren81, just so you know, I'm not one of those "obese, uneducated..." women who complain about everything because they aren't happy with themselves. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm petite (104 lbs) and have a college degree. Actually, I've been told by several friends that the reason women have been so cold to me here is because they are jealous and feel insecure around me. I don't buy that though because I was the same in Dallas and Nashville and didn't have that problem.
Funny though, my neighbor, who is a native of MS, just told me she doesn't want to go to neighborhood parties anymore because all the women try to "one-up" each other and gossip behind each other's backs. Many people have told me that it is Madison that is snobby (especially Reunion) and not Jackson. I think if I lived in Fondren or Belhaven I might have a different opinion. I'm a creative/artsy type (former model and actress and worked in the music industry) and probably would feel more comfortable around them. Too bad I didn't know that before building my house!
Oh well, I don't care what people think anymore. I'm over my materialistic, have to wear lipstick even to go to my mailbox days. I'm much happier now that I've let go of worrying what people think and enjoy just being myself.
Ellygirl -- I didn't think you were one of those obese women... what was trying to say was that a woman who is attractive, middle-class, ownes a home, happily married with family, Ole Miss grad (the kind of women I imagine you're primarily talking about) probably feels she has no reason to be ashamed of anything. While Ms. might have low education, high rates of chilren born oiut of wedlock, high poverty, etc. -- these are not things that effect her and she probably feels no reason to feel ashamed of her home state. You had a bit of a condescending attitude suggesting that all Mississippian's should almost be apologizing for being from here because of its social ills and I was trying to suggest to you that that's kind of ridiculous.
At the same time I don't disagree with you that Mississippi is a bit of a closed society and that there's plenty of superficiality. What I get from you is that you are used to being the pretty and popular girl and that that didn't happen when you moved to Mississippi and you're not happy to be an outsider. That's perfectly understandable. Most people probably wouldn't want to admit just how important it is to feel liked/ accepted by others.
All communities have certain standards required to "fit in" or be "popular." Generally they include having the requesite amount of money, being sociable and outgoing, being from one of the right races, sharing some of the same interests and activities, being attractive helps... In Mississippi I'd add two other things which are probably not important in a lot of other places -- being from nearby (or at least having family from nearby) and going to certain churches are also very important. If you don't have all these things then you've either got to try REALLY hard and maybe eventually you will be accepted -- or find some alternate group to hang out with. There is an artsy/ liberal alternative crowd in Jackson -- you might have better luck with them. Or be happy with yourself and your family and don't worry so much about finding a group. Those are basically your options.
VanBuren81, you are pretty much correct. I went from being someone who "mattered" (worked for record label exec., which around Nashville makes you VERY popular) to someone who was ignored. I made efforts to be friendly, like at football games at the private school my son went to, but as soon as I finished talking the women would walk away, never introducing me to others, trying to include me, etc. I had never experienced that before. Even now, people seem very threatened if you are from somewhere else, especially a large city. They seem defensive in a way that is strange to me. I went from a place where quirky, casual, and different meant you were probably famous, to here where everyone conforms to belong. I am a Christian, but have difficulty with the churches here because they are more like social clubs than authentic seekers of Christ. Church was like a fashion show, which bothers me. The church I went to in Franklin, TN (Nashville suburb) was full of "famous people" but we could care less. They were one of us. We also dressed very casually (even shorts and t-shirts) and talked about deep and meaningful things that didn't necessarily conform to our culture. I guess I miss the depth and authenticity and was really shocked to find such superficiality and conformity. Yea, to be honest, I guess I expected to be welcomed with open arms and was surprised to find that it was quite the opposite. I'm not the "sorority girl from Ole Miss" kind of person, which is so prevalent around here and the only kind that seems acceptable. I've learned to deal with it and do my own thing now, but it is disappointing that most of my friends are not from here. I really would have liked to get to know a true, native Mississipian and what her life was like. I hope this closed attitude changes and I encourage anyone from here to open their eyes and realize that there are valuable people that aren't from here and it would be nice if they would welcome them rather than shun them.
I agree with everything you have said so far ellygirl. I'm sorry your experience has been so bad in the Jackson metro area. I am a born and raised Jackson native but still have a hard time finding my niche in that all of my family is from the Gulf Coast. I would strongly advise you to try the Coast. It's a much more accepting different group of people and so much more Laid back. Ocean Springs would most likely do you good...check it out. I just don't want you to give up on Mississippi's people...we are very down to earth folks. Your just really in the wrong area of the state. Good luck!!
You moved to Jackson and got yourself hooked up into a group that has known each other since college (Ole Miss), all live near each other, go to the same church, their kids go to the same private school together (JA), their kids play on the same sports teams together, the families vacation together, go out together on weekends, and have basically been together for decades. And you expect to just step in and become part of the group?
Would that strategy work ANYWHERE?
When you were in Nashville you very easily could have tried to worm your way into a group of Univ of Tennessee grads, who had never ventured out of the state, who all go to the same church, who assumed that because they went to the "big name" private school in Nashville, and then went to UT, and then came back to work in their daddy's law firm, that they had made it. But instead your job allowed you to meet people from all over the country, people who had seen and done many different things, people who have varied interests.
You want to meet cosmopolitan people, you have to go where the cosmopolitan people ARE. Jackson has them, but in general they won't be found at Jackson Academy, or at North Jackson Youth Baseball, or at whatever mega-church in the suburbs you want to name.
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