Relocating from South Jersey to JAX (Jacksonville, Fruit Cove: transplants, rent, good credit)

[Jocelynrea]

Okay folks, I need your help!! The company I've been working for the last 11 years (who have been VERY good to me) recently told me that they are relocating my position to Jacksonville. Since our company has downsized (like many others in this economy) there isnt another position for me to take, so I'll be standing in the unemployment line if I stay in NJ.
I dont have the 4 year degree that I am supposed to hold for my position, and have not been able to afford to go back to school to get it. Since I've moved up within the company, they looked past the degree for my last promotion. Finding another job in NJ making comparable $$ is impossible w/o a degree. I'm also in an industry that is not available
everywhere.

I've lived in the same area of South Jersey all 33 years of my life. I have many family members all within a 10 mile radius of my home. I have an 11 year old daughter and a boyfriend of 8 years whom I intend to marry.

So you understand my entire position, here are the facts that is making this decision so mind numbingly difficult...

1.Currently making $55+, will get $7,500 raise if I move plus whatever I'll save on income taxes.

2. Bought my 1st house in NJ in Sept 2009, property taxes went up $250 a month just 3 months after I moved in, and now I'm struggling to pay the bills (boyfriend and I talking about marriage and joining finances, but hasnt happened yet, I'm a saver, he's a spender) Job will pay up to 20,000 loss on my house if I have to take one when I sell. If it doesnt sell before I need to move, they will pay my rent in JAX for up to one year until it sells.
My house is in a desirable neighborhood, so I dont think it will sit for too long, but you never can tell in this economy. Plus all moving expenses are covered.

3. HATE Winter in NJ. HATE it.

Okay, now the hard part.

4. My boyfriend of 8 years has a son from his first marriage, who is 14.
He is heartbroken to leave him, but doesnt want to lose me.

5. The boyfriend, who does have a degree and can find his type of work almost anywhere, is making $75+ at his current company. He wont be able to get that kind of money in JAX, IF he can even find work, which has him scared to just jump onboard and head down with me to ride my coat tails.

6. My family, familiarity, and my safe and great neighborhood is something I will miss, but can visit - but it's also on my list of "cons".

School for my daughter is EXTREMELY important to me, and if it is true that the school system is not very good, I am considering St. John's County to get what I guess would be the best of the worst.

If I stay I could lose my house, or at the very least, damage my good credit that I worked so hard to establish after it tanked when I was
very young (and uneducated about credit). I am a single parent who
worked her ass off for a company to climb to the top, repaired my
horrible credit, bought a home, and am very financially independant, never relying on a man or the government to pay my way.

My boyfriend says although the timing is really, REALLY bad, he will come,
but needs to have a job first. I dont want to lose him, or pick my job
over him. What if June rolls around and I'm packin' up the U-Haul, and
he changes his mind and begs me to stay???? I'm terrified of losing my
best friend and future husband because of my career. But the offer
sounds too good to pass up - what would you do?????

People seem to be giving me the old cliche "if it was meant to be, he will come" and that sounds great and all, but he would have to sacrifice
so much to do this for me, and if your child is crying and begging you not
to go, it's like he is being forced to chose between me and the son, and
I hate to put him in that position. OMG, I am so torn. Any advice is welcome. Help!

[jwolfer]

Good luck in your search. South Jersey would be a 15-20 hour drive. Southwest and United fly direct to PHL and Continetal to Newark. School are better in St Johns or Clay depending on where your job is you may want to consider both. Or if in Duval maybe Private school. I dont know if you are Roman Catholic but there are RC elementary schools all around the city

[Jocelynrea]

thanks my job is in the Deerwood Park Area near Gate Parkway. I heard the Fruit Cove area has good schools but would be a messy commute, but if I lived near I-9 in St. Johns I would have an easier time getting to work. Also looking at the JAX beach / Neptune Beach area. I'll be renting
so I can always move if I dont like the area, but I'm scared of being miserable for the first year because of the location I pick. Adjusting is going to be hard enough.

[joninclay]

You work for Merrill Lynch? I used to work there (Gate Pwky area, like you mentioned), and we had a bunch of Jersey transplants.

Tough situation, ma'am. I think you'll love the area, but your personal situation is certainly complicated. I pray it works out for you.

[BabyBoomers2]

This isn't the Relationship Forum, but don't you think you've got a problem right here concerning your bills? Is he "contributing to your cause" at all or enough?
You have got a messy situation and I do hope it all works out for you.

"now I'm struggling to pay the bills (boyfriend and I talking about marriage and joining finances, but hasnt happened yet, I'm a saver, he's a spender)"

[islandtimect]

You certainly have a complicated situation! Like the ones on Suzie Orman's tv show. My husband grew up in south Jersey and we've made many trips back to visit family - the Jax beach area is nicer for sure. Having just moved here from CT with DH and 9 yr old daughter, here's my input.

What type of job security will you have once you move? Another words, who's to say they won't eliminate your position in 2 or 3 yrs.

The question isn't "Do I pick my job/career or boyfriend?". It's "What is best for me and my daughter?" Consider finances now and in the future, family relationships, personal happiness, everything.

If you decide to move, look at the public schools in St John county and pick a place to live based upon those schools. They are generally very good, so you won't need to worry about your daughter's education.

The cost of living is much better here than south Jersey so your pay raise will go farther.

If you get married, DON'T combine finances with a guy who's a spender when you are a saver.

Sounds like his son is not happy about his dad moving - how will that make him feel toward you?

Good Luck!

[AnotherBravesFan]

Originally Posted by LoveBoating

This isn't the Relationship Forum, but don't you think you've got a problem right here concerning your bills? Is he "contributing to your cause" at all or enough?
You have got a messy situation and I do hope it all works out for you.

"now I'm struggling to pay the bills (boyfriend and I talking about marriage and joining finances, but hasnt happened yet, I'm a saver, he's a spender)"

I agree with LoveBoating here. My first priority would be retaining financial security for me and my daughter. A big plus for moving with the job. I would hate to see you stay in NJ without a job, face mounting debt, and lose what you've worked so hard to attain. Your boyfriend will need to make his own decision on what is best for him and his son. While you are in JAX, he will have time to visit, explore job opportunities, and assess. He doesn't have to make a decision right now, whereas it seems you do. Take care of yourself and your daughter.

[ssclulow]

There's nothing harder in life than matters of the heart. You're in a tought spot in that dept and only you can decide what is best with that but I can give you my answers to your factual questions. You DO NOT want to be without a job in this economy with a child who is depending on you. Not moving will work against you in a huge way if propsective employers find out you did not move to hang onto a position with a company that has treated you well. The fact that they are helping with the loss to be taken on your house is remarkable. Deerwood Park is a very nice area in the southside of Jacksonville. It will be an easy commute from St. Johns County which has excellent schools (they are NOT the best of the worst, they are really good). The places you will work and live in will be very safe. The cost of living down here is WAY less than in NJ. You can say goodbye to all that snow and cold. There is a large number of Navy military families living in this area who deal very well with seperation from their loved loves. You will have the advantage of being able to get on a plane to see your family and friends. The Jacksonville Airport is small, convenient and has lots of flights daily back and forth to the NJ area. Emotionally, a move will be a difficult thing to do, but I think you already know that you really don't have any reasonable choice. I cannot emphasize more this next advice: DO NOT let your boyfriend move down here unless he has a job in hand here. The unemployment in Jacksonville is close to 12%. This link is very detailed and factual about the unemployment situation in FL It is broken down by county and specific job catagories. http://www.floridajobs.org/publicati...2001-21-11.pdf Best wishes on your move.

[Dappleganger]

My husband worked in Deerwood Park for 8 years and commuted from Fruit Cove where we live because of the good schools. The commute is not that bad, it all depends upon the time of day you travel. You're looking at half an hour to 40 minutes, most days (except Fridays). Now he works near St. Luke's but the commute is still not that bad.

if it was me in your situation I'd definitely move. You need to think about you and your daughter, first. Also, should you decide to return to college there are several in this area which are quite reasonable and accomodate adult students and their schedules quite easily.

[Jocelynrea]

Thanks to everyone. I know I made my post more into a relationship question in the wrong forum, but you all gave me really good advice
about the situation and JAX and for that thank you. I suppose that
I know what I have to do, although its heart wrenching and I'm scared
to death. I keep thinking that people are faced with relocating for their
jobs more often than I ever imagined, and given less time to make
a decision than I have been given. Although my concerns are personal,
I really was looking forward to what people had to say about the area,
and continue to read other posts to learn more. I do have to do what
is best for my daughter, but I wasnt sure than moving her away from
family and possibly the only dad she's ever known was the best thing.
I'll just have to keep in mind that I can always move back if things
dont work out, and coming back will be a hell of a lot easier than going
down! Hope you all have a great week!!