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Old 08-13-2010, 07:41 AM
 
943 posts, read 3,108,078 times
Reputation: 501

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There is a job fair coming up and I'd like to have some feedback from you before I bring it in. I am on a serious job hunt and I feel like it's missing a few things, idk maybe I'm just paranoid. My cover letter is personalized to the positions I apply for (which aren't far off, mainly in the finance field) and the names and locations have been omitted.





I would like to express my interest in the Compliance Analyst position with (company name). Throughout my research I have come to respect the professionalism that characterizes your company and its employees and I am certain that my skills and experience combined with the vision of your company to do excellent work will serve to create spectacular, profitable results.

With my extensive background in banking and finance, I have a solid understanding of the policies relating to the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) and Anti-Money Laundering regulations (AML). Equipped with adept researching and problem solving skills my objective has always been to demonstrate accuracy and efficiency as a regulatory compliance analyst. I am able to coordinate multiple projects and meet deadlines under pressure. I am equally effective in working as a team member as well as individually on various projects and assignments. Energetic, positive and self motivated with strong written and verbal skills, I am convinced that I am the ideal candidate for this job.

Enclosed is a detailed resume and I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss employment. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

(my name)

Enclosure


EXPERIENCE

Company Name, City, state
Traveling Client Service Representative 04/2008-09/2009
• Provided financial and credit services to clients including consumer checking/savings, home equity/mortgage loans and personal loans throughout the various branches in the Northern New Jersey region.
• Researched and developed new sales tactics to aid in the increase of assets and profitability within the Northern New Jersey region.
• Analyzed client’s financial portfolio to recommend appropriate investments and tax strategies.
• Summarized weekly and monthly accounting and sales reports.
• Reviewed financial records to check for inaccurate figures and calculations on network database.
• Provided client support and built valuable relationships by implementing my interpersonal skills.
• Advised and educated clients regarding services and accounts.

Company Name, city, state Teller II 9/2005-11/2007
• Applied my technical skills to perform calculations, record details of financial transactions while implementing stellar customer service.
• Reviewed financial records to check for inaccurate figures and calculations.
• Consistently met sales referral expectations, generating $12,000 in closed referrals in a 3 month period.

Company Name, city, state
Teller I 5/2003-4/2005
• Led teller line in identifying proactive ways to continuously improve customer experiences.
• Applied my computer skills to perform calculations, record details of financial transactions.
• Provided customer support by implementing my interpersonal skills.

EDUCATION

Rutgers College, Rutgers University city, state
MBA in Finance Degree Candidate May 2013

CERTIFICATIONS/CAREER DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS

Personal Banker Workshops OFAC/Bank Secrecy Act/Anti-Money Laundering
IRA Training FDIC Training
Decedent Accounts Internal Sales Process/Sales Culture Development

ADDITIONAL SKILLS

Strong written and verbal communication skills Superb organizational skills
Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, Power Point Adept in Mozilla Firefox/Internet Explorer and Photoshop
Bilingual (English, French)
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Old 08-13-2010, 09:23 AM
 
943 posts, read 3,108,078 times
Reputation: 501
Anyone??
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Old 08-13-2010, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
1,278 posts, read 2,070,618 times
Reputation: 920
Honestly, it looks like a basic, well-summarized resume. I made a few changes that I thought would be good. Personally, I don't like to use pronouns in my resume, because I think it makes the message you're trying to convey sound tacky. The changes I made are in bold.


EXPERIENCE

Company Name, City, state
Traveling Client Service Representative 04/2008-09/2009
•Provided financial and credit services to clients including consumer checking/savings, home equity/mortgage loans and personal loans throughout the various branches in the Northern New Jersey region.
•Researched and developed new sales tactics to aid in the increase of assets and profitability within the Northern New Jersey region.
•Analyzed client’s financial portfolio to recommend appropriate investments and tax strategies.
•Summarized weekly and monthly accounting and sales reports.
•Reviewed financial records to check for inaccurate figures and calculations on network database.
•Provided client support and built valuable relationships by implementing my interpersonal skills.
•Advised and educated clients regarding financial services and account information.

Company Name, city, state Teller II 9/2005-11/2007
•Applied (deleted 'my') technical skills to perform calculations and record details of financial transactions while exhibiting stellar customer service.
•Reviewed financial records to check for inaccurate figures and calculations.
•Consistently met sales referral expectations, generating $12,000 in closed referrals in a three month period.

Company Name, city, state
Teller I 5/2003-4/2005
•Led teller line in identifying proactive ways to continuously improve customer service.
(Delete: Applied my computer skills to perform calculations, record details of financial transactions.) Instead: Performed calculations and recorded details of financial transactions using an assortment of computer software. Here your computer skills are implied. You can list the applicable software packages below under Additional Skills.
(Delete: Provided customer support by implementing my interpersonal skills) This is already pointed out in your first bullet point. You don't want to sound redundant. Can you add some other accomplishment under this position?

EDUCATION

Rutgers College, Rutgers University city, state (What was your major/degree earned?)
MBA in Finance Degree Candidate May 2013

CERTIFICATIONS/CAREER DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS

Personal Banker Workshops OFAC/Bank Secrecy Act/Anti-Money Laundering
IRA Training FDIC Training
Decedent AccountsInternal Sales Process/Sales Culture Development

ADDITIONAL SKILLS

Strong written and verbal communication skills
Superb organizational skills
Proficiency in Microsoft Word, Excel, Power Point, Mozilla Firefox, Internet Explore, Adobe Photoshop (Any banking software suites?)
Bilingual (English, French)
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Old 08-13-2010, 10:25 AM
 
28,461 posts, read 76,220,082 times
Reputation: 18535
Post If you are serious about the "Compliance Analyst" role...

You need more concrete evidence that you have the skills needed to do this job.

I appreciate the fact that you have moved up from entry level teller to more senior, but neither of those positions are primarily about detecting and preventing fraud nor do they have the kind of exposure to the full range of issues that are part of the Compliance function in a financial services firm.


You might want to rethink the chronological resume and instead break out the various skills that most directly highlight your ability to deal with the minutiae that goes along with Compliance.

Further I would much rather see some knowledge of specialized banking software than knowing you can use a browser. Even listing that takes your resume down several pegs -- is there really any human out there that can read that does not use a browser?

Do any of your certs come from a "standard" type organization / issuer? If so LIST IT, if not skip it. I mean if your cert is something that you print out after taking some required online course that is considered a joke. Certs that matter are the kind of things that you pay for on your own, or get when you attend some conference / extended training.

I am sorry if any of this seems harsh, but the reality is there are still many people with experience in the areas you seem to be aiming for that are unemployed due to consolidation in the industry. Their resumes are going to look better than yours, and even if you may represent a much less expensive hire, the firms you apply to are just not going to be eager to bring you on board unless it seems like are you not merely stretching into a new job but ready to hit the ground running...

Last edited by chet everett; 08-13-2010 at 11:12 AM..
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Old 08-13-2010, 11:43 AM
 
943 posts, read 3,108,078 times
Reputation: 501
Thanks mcb and chet, I really appreciate your help and honesty. The certs that I listed (outside of two) were from actual conferences/extended training. I thought the chronological resume was best for the field that I am pursuing. Should I include a summary even with the cover letter?

My previous positions are very closely related to regulatory compliance.
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Old 08-15-2010, 09:20 AM
 
15,820 posts, read 28,157,967 times
Reputation: 27207
Regarding the cover letter, I suggest a more conversational tone. I've been told that my cover letters draw a lot of attention for not being full of "resume-speak." I suggest contractions "I'm" instead of "I am," and more punctuation- either commas in your long sentences (where you use "and" to extend the sentence) or end the sentence and start a new one to punch it up.
Best wishes.
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Old 08-16-2010, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
850 posts, read 1,421,159 times
Reputation: 705
I would go here for more help Free Resume Help | Blue Sky Resumes. They helped revamp my resume and they can at least offer you FREE advice on your current resume and you can go from there. You don't to pay anything up front, but getting the FREE advice can point you in the direction you need to be in.

Free Resume Help | Blue Sky Resumes

Good luck!
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:37 PM
 
56 posts, read 141,992 times
Reputation: 43
Few more pieces of advice:

* Stick with a chronological resume. Recruiters / Hiring Managers do not like functional resumes and find them too hard to read. You will be in the throw away pile if you do this.
* Add Professional Summary / Headline Statement to your resume. This should outline and highlight your background and achievements. This can be a short paragraph, bullets, or a hybrid of both.
* Your education, training, certs should include what you received, where you received it and the date received (the only time you may want to leave off dates for college education is if you're approaching retirement and do not want to reveal age for discrimination.
* Each position you have should provide a brief description of the company and a summary of your responsibilities. For example, you've worked in the banking industry. The bullets should be saved for your personal achievements, not your duties. If you're applying for a job, the hiring manager expects you to be able to do the job ~ they want to know how you're going to be different from the competition in serving them. Let's look at one of your bullets from your last position:

•Analyzed client’s financial portfolio to recommend appropriate investments and tax strategies.

Think about the following:
* What sort of investments and tax strategies did you help the clients with? Did you make them money? How much? Did you make your company money? How much? What was your biggest accomplishment in doing this? Were you the top performer by finding better investments for the clients? Did you retain a large set of customers that were not happy with their portfolios by doing this? Did your company receive a lot of referrals from your customers by finding better strategies? What was the outcome of your analysis? Bottom line: How exactly did you help your company by researching the clients portfolios?

You should ask yourself a series of questions for each achievement that you're writing in your resume. Always ask yourself what, why and how was it important.

* I agree with MCB1025 - never use pronouns in your resume (LinkedIn profiles are totally different and first person is fine if used in the right way to show a little more of your personality since it is also a social networking site).
* Additional Skills: written / verbal communication skills and organizational skills - should either be removed from this section and demonstrated throughout your resume in each position OR could be included in your professional summary / headline statement as bulleted keywords.

* Change Additional Skills to Technical Skills. Add any banking software you have experience with, maybe simplify the Microsoft apps to MS Office, and possibly remove the internet browsers - all that's telling me as a recruiter is that you know how to surf and quite frankly who doesn't know IE or Mozilla?


Good luck!
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:04 AM
 
4,805 posts, read 21,321,659 times
Reputation: 4999
I agree that listing internet browsers as a 'skill' kind of ends your resume on a sour note. It's not really a skill, so I'd take it off. Photoshop might want to come off to, since I'm not sure how its really relevant to the jobs you are applying to? If it is relevant, list which version you are skilled in (CS4 is a lot different than 5.5, believe me!) Clarify if your language skills are spoken, written, or reading. If you've had any specific banking or business language training definitely itemize that (separetely)

Also, it sounds like at the moment it is the training courses that are most relevant to the jobs you are interested in, more so than your past jobs. So I would consider bumping that up above your work experience and letting your work experience slide down the page a bit. Your jobs will still be there quite prominently since they take up the majority of the page, but they won't dominate and perhaps cause employers to skim over or not notice your relevant training at the bottom of the page.

And I'd add the sources of the training. Were the money-laundering courses offered by your employer or by a government agency or a private training company? Name them (it gives employers a frame of reference). Something like:

Anti-Laundering Workshop, 2010
Employer Sponsored

FDIC Training
FDIC Field Office, 2009

Personal Banking Workshops
National Personal Banking Convention, 2008

....or something like that. Note that this format also takes up more space which draws the reader's eye to this and causing them to spend more time reading these qualifications, which is what you want them to do, I think.

In your cover letter, in this sentence
Quote:
Equipped with adept researching and problem solving skills my objective has always been to demonstrate accuracy and efficiency as a regulatory compliance analyst.
you desperately need a comma after "skills" and before "my". Otherwise it reads as a run-on sentence.

I was a bit confused in your main paragraph of your cover letter because I didn't feel it was really clear what your work experience is vs. what your training is, vs. what you want. I'm not a banker so maybe its just that I'm not all that clear on the work. I guess I was looking for a phrase like, "In addition to my six years of banking experience, I have completed training in the areas of OFAC and AML and eagerly await the opportunity to apply this knowledge in the workplace", or something along those lines.

I also didn't quite make the leap from personal banking to Anti-money laundering to compliance officer, but perhaps this again is my lack of familiarity with the profession or due to your anonymizing it for the forum. But perhaps you need to expound upon your interest in the position of compliance officer a bit more and develop a logical segue from banking to compliance.

Just my 2¢. Best of luck.
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Old 08-22-2010, 09:05 AM
 
943 posts, read 3,108,078 times
Reputation: 501
Thank you all so much!
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