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I am guaranteed to get a job with this foolproof resume! Those other CEOs can't touch me, I'm Gordon Gecko on Fire!
Objective: To obtain the position of Chief Executive Officer at The Onion Magazine. Work History:
Target Corporation, Chief Executive Officer, 1989 – current (I have a job so nya nya nya)
Lead the Target Corporation to record profits ($1 trillion) and purged a bunch of dead weight in the process. Wall Street Loves me. I paid off Obama! Obama for Life!
General Motors, Chief Executive Officer, 1960 – 1989
Lead General Motors until the Europeans and Japanese started selling better cars at better prices. GM under my leadership made compact cars that got an amazing 10 mpg and drove like a city bus which means they won many awards for being teen friendly (no teen could ever accelerate the car faster than the Heart Attack Grill’s mascot could run). Improved the reliability of GM cars; instead of exploding at 10K miles you got 20K miles out of them. Got out with a golden parachute!
Some very Old American Corporation, Chief Executive Officer, 1900 – 1960
Hell, I was running companies before you was even born, sonny! I invented the Ponzi Scheme and the late night Infomercial and several other investment technologies now in common use in the corporate world. Left here a very happy camper!
Ancient American Corporation, Chief Executive Officer, 1780 – 1900
Wow I must be getting too old for this. I have George Washington’s autograph in my pen case, man. Oh, yeah, I helped build this real funky company from the ground up. It started out as this little Cracker Jack place in Massachusetts selling dehydrated water to crazy old people. We sold so much that we had an IPO in 1795 and by 1810 we were one of the first mega-conglomorates in the world. Even King George bought some of our product; his preference was Eau de Skunk. We eventually were bought out by the forerunners of Wally World.
Education
Ye OldeCountryHigh School, 1776 – 1780
We was banging even back in these days. I only attended high school and graduated with a diploma in Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. Goes to show that you don’t need an advanced education to be the head honcho in Corporate America!
References Available on Request if I can make them up.
(It's just for fun, I didn't know where to post this and I thought we needed a lighter topic to break the tension as of late.)
Last edited by fireandice1000; 05-04-2012 at 10:40 PM..
Reason: A lot of coding gobbledy **** came up on my original posting
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Lol.
