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Old 09-28-2015, 02:24 PM
 
1 posts, read 709 times
Reputation: 10

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Dear Ms. Arndt,
I am writing to express my strong interest in the Health Care Management/Administrator position at SCL-Colorado Lutheran Home. I am currently a student at Metropolitan State University of Denver and will be graduating in spring of 2017 with a degree in Health Care Management. I’m very interested in joining your team and applying my creativity and focus to an impressive company like SCL- Colorado Lutheran Home.
I believe that my academic background and training has prepared me perfectly for this position. While a student at Metropolitan State University of Denver, I had the opportunity to learn a number of valuable skills such as managing and supervising workers as well as great communication skills that will undoubtedly contribute to my success in this role.
I look forward to making an impact at SCL- Colorado Lutheran Home right away. I’ve attached a resume, and look forward to hearing from you and further discussing this great opportunity. Thank you for your time and attentions.
Sincerely,
Karyl Ecca
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Old 09-28-2015, 02:32 PM
 
44 posts, read 37,231 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayz33 View Post
Dear Ms. Arndt,
I am writing to express my strong interest in the Health Care Management/Administrator position at SCL-Colorado Lutheran Home. I am currently a student at Metropolitan State University of Denver and will be graduating in spring of 2017 with a degree in Health Care Management. I’m very interested in joining your team and applying my creativity and focus to an impressive company like SCL- Colorado Lutheran Home.
I believe that my academic background and training has prepared me perfectly for this position. While a student at Metropolitan State University of Denver, I had the opportunity to learn a number of valuable skills such as managing and supervising workers as well as great communication skills that will undoubtedly contribute to my success in this role.
I look forward to making an impact at SCL- Colorado Lutheran Home right away. I’ve attached a resume, and look forward to hearing from you and further discussing this great opportunity. Thank you for your time and attentions.
Sincerely,
Karyl Ecca
T format has always worked for me. Make it super easy for any hiring manager/HR rep to see how your qualifications match the job req.
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Old 10-01-2015, 10:23 PM
 
Location: COS > DEN > ATL
3,893 posts, read 3,237,712 times
Reputation: 3410
Since I've been pretty busy writing cover letters as well I thought I would run this by you guys as well to see if you had any recommendations for improvement. My letters vary some as some relate to the Electric Utility industry and some are for data analysis positions. Any feedback would be welcome.



Here's the job Requirements:
Implement and maintain forecast models.
Research and develop new progressive forecast models to improve accuracy.
Develop a thorough understanding of the processes and data used in our operating divisions and identify opportunities for improvement in current processes with a focus on increasing productivity, lowering fixed and variable costs, and improving our sales process and customer management.
Perform a broad range of operations research analysis (quantitative and qualitative) requiring unique, creative, innovative uses of techniques, advanced approaches, and/or new technologies
Collect, report on, model, analyze, and present large amounts of data with meticulous attention to detail.
Effectively communicate analyses and recommend a course of action to high level stake holders across the organization and executive team.



To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing in response to the Business and Forecasting Analyst opening at Prescient.

I am currently a senior at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs who will be graduating this December. I am pursuing a major in Economics and minor in Statistics. This summer, I worked as an intern for Xcel Energy. Many of the skills I learned during this experience and throughout my time in college would be relevant to this position and therefore I believe I would be a good fit as a Business Analyst.

While at Xcel Energy, I spent significant time researching new regulatory changes coming from FERC and presented what I had learned to others within the company. From my research and that of others, our group met together to determine the course of action that Xcel Energy should take in order to ensure compliance. I presented findings from reports I had created to both individuals in a one on one setting and to larger audiences. With this experience, I feel I would be competent in tasks such as effectively communicating analyses and recommending a course of action to high level stake holders across the organization and executive team.

Also at Xcel Energy, I frequently use of Microsoft Excel to lookup and filter through data looking for outliers or odd results in energy transactions or employees who were listed incorrectly in the HR database. In addition, I assisted in managing Xcel's Compliance Management System which was set up in Microsoft Access, giving me experience in that product as well.

Finally, in college I have spent time studying Econometrics teaching me how to obtain and interpret results from regression analysis that we obtained via statistical software Stata. This taught me quantitative ways to conduct research in the field of Economics. Also in high school, I have taken several programming classes in SQL and C++, so I have had some introductory experience in programming in those areas as well.

During my college experience, I found that I enjoyed working with data to find meaningful results and finding explanations for trends. As a result, working as an Business and Forecasting Analyst position at Prescient interests me greatly. I am available for contact any time throughout the day. I look forward to hearing a reply.

Thanks for your time and consideration,
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:25 AM
 
Location: KC, MO
855 posts, read 856,722 times
Reputation: 687
Exclamation Cover Letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil P View Post
Since I've been pretty busy writing cover letters as well I thought I would run this by you guys as well to see if you had any recommendations for improvement. My letters vary some as some relate to the Electric Utility industry and some are for data analysis positions. Any feedback would be welcome.



Here's the job Requirements:
Implement and maintain forecast models.
Research and develop new progressive forecast models to improve accuracy.
Develop a thorough understanding of the processes and data used in our operating divisions and identify opportunities for improvement in current processes with a focus on increasing productivity, lowering fixed and variable costs, and improving our sales process and customer management.
Perform a broad range of operations research analysis (quantitative and qualitative) requiring unique, creative, innovative uses of techniques, advanced approaches, and/or new technologies
Collect, report on, model, analyze, and present large amounts of data with meticulous attention to detail.
Effectively communicate analyses and recommend a course of action to high level stake holders across the organization and executive team.



To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing in response to the Business and Forecasting Analyst opening at Prescient.

I am currently a senior at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs who will be graduating this December. I am pursuing a major in Economics and minor in Statistics. This summer, I worked as an intern for Xcel Energy. Many of the skills I learned during this experience and throughout my time in college would be relevant to this position and therefore I believe I would be a good fit as a Business Analyst.

While at Xcel Energy, I spent significant time researching new regulatory changes coming from FERC and presented what I had learned to others within the company. From my research and that of others, our group met together to determine the course of action that Xcel Energy should take in order to ensure compliance. I presented findings from reports I had created to both individuals in a one on one setting and to larger audiences. With this experience, I feel I would be competent in tasks such as effectively communicating analyses and recommending a course of action to high level stake holders across the organization and executive team.

Also at Xcel Energy, I frequently use of Microsoft Excel to lookup and filter through data looking for outliers or odd results in energy transactions or employees who were listed incorrectly in the HR database. In addition, I assisted in managing Xcel's Compliance Management System which was set up in Microsoft Access, giving me experience in that product as well.

Finally, in college I have spent time studying Econometrics teaching me how to obtain and interpret results from regression analysis that we obtained via statistical software Stata. This taught me quantitative ways to conduct research in the field of Economics. Also in high school, I have taken several programming classes in SQL and C++, so I have had some introductory experience in programming in those areas as well.

During my college experience, I found that I enjoyed working with data to find meaningful results and finding explanations for trends. As a result, working as an Business and Forecasting Analyst position at Prescient interests me greatly. I am available for contact any time throughout the day. I look forward to hearing a reply.

Thanks for your time and consideration,

There is too much here.

It is dense-looking and impatient resume screeners won't read it all and may even become impatient with it and toss it just to make themselves feel better.

You need to cut this back by half to two thirds.

Focus on the most important parts of the job and make those dense-looking paragraphs look like bullets instead of chapters in a novel.


You also have grammatical errors in the text.


A Cover Letter is supposed to contain bullets of achievement/experience just enough to pre-close someone as to why they should hire you. You have everything including the kitchen sink here.


There's no sizzle here or if there is, it is buried in the text. You are supposed to whet their appetite, not do a data dump.



Paul..........


.......
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Old 10-02-2015, 11:03 AM
 
Location: COS > DEN > ATL
3,893 posts, read 3,237,712 times
Reputation: 3410
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeadhunterPaul View Post
There is too much here.

It is dense-looking and impatient resume screeners won't read it all and may even become impatient with it and toss it just to make themselves feel better.

You need to cut this back by half to two thirds.

Focus on the most important parts of the job and make those dense-looking paragraphs look like bullets instead of chapters in a novel.


You also have grammatical errors in the text.


A Cover Letter is supposed to contain bullets of achievement/experience just enough to pre-close someone as to why they should hire you. You have everything including the kitchen sink here.


There's no sizzle here or if there is, it is buried in the text. You are supposed to whet their appetite, not do a data dump.



Paul..........


.......
Thanks for the feedback! That's what I wanted to know, what exactly are they looking for. I have bullets listing my work/experience in my Resume though, and I feel that bulleting here would just be a repeat of that. Specifically the challenge I am having is that jobs I'm applying for have specific requirements like knowledge of ISO tariff language or demand response, so I'll put that in my resume, but I feel like I need to explain how someone in Regulatory Compliance working for 2 months would have any knowledge in that area, and that's where the paragraphs come in.

I'm working on trying to cut out all fluff that I can though and am trying to make it as succinct as possible.
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Old 10-02-2015, 11:32 AM
 
Location: KC, MO
855 posts, read 856,722 times
Reputation: 687
Exclamation Cover Letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil P View Post
Thanks for the feedback! That's what I wanted to know, what exactly are they looking for. I have bullets listing my work/experience in my Resume though, and I feel that bulleting here would just be a repeat of that. Specifically the challenge I am having is that jobs I'm applying for have specific requirements like knowledge of ISO tariff language or demand response, so I'll put that in my resume, but I feel like I need to explain how someone in Regulatory Compliance working for 2 months would have any knowledge in that area, and that's where the paragraphs come in.

I'm working on trying to cut out all fluff that I can though and am trying to make it as succinct as possible.
Phil,

Too many people 'take pride' in their Cover Letter instead of looking at it critically.

Remember what the Hiring Authorities here at C-D keep saying-

They don't have time to read Cover Letters;

Cover Letters are a waste of their time;

The resume contains all that needs to be said.

So you are playing to the crowd who does want to see a CL and you are endeavoring to overcome objections the other HA's have about not wanting to read your CL.

The only way this is going to come out in your favor is if you write something that is 'high and tight' like a military [buzz] haircut.

Worry less about explanations and instead, focus on facts that support your being qualified.

Keep it simple, easy to read and compelling.


Don't be afraid to include a bullet from your resume in the CL. Some here have said that is a no-no but in fact, there is no actual 'authority' about this stuff, only preferences and druthers.

So make your point and make it easy to read.


Lastly, read what you have written as though you are the meanest, toughest and least caring SOB who is doing the hiring and then ask yourself if you have made an adequate and compelling case for yourself.

And if not, then it's back to the Drawing Board and that does not mean add more text, it means write more effectively because, after all, you are competing against 397 other resumes in that stack.




Paul...........


....

...
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Old 10-03-2015, 01:12 AM
ERH
 
Location: Raleigh-Durham, NC
1,350 posts, read 1,906,125 times
Reputation: 2678
I'm hoping cover letters become a distant memory. I hate writing them, and I sure hate reading them!
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Old 10-03-2015, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Houston
291 posts, read 351,218 times
Reputation: 300
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeadhunterPaul View Post
Phil,

Too many people 'take pride' in their Cover Letter instead of looking at it critically.


...
Paul, you hit the nail on the head.

Bottom line with cover letters, less is more.

Drawn out cover letters will not be read, period. Figure out how to say something substantial about yourself using as few words as possible, or even just highlight a very important trait, skill, or quality.

Less is more.

-Buz
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Old 10-03-2015, 04:16 PM
 
Location: KC, MO
855 posts, read 856,722 times
Reputation: 687
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzliteyear View Post
Paul, you hit the nail on the head.

Bottom line with cover letters, less is more.

Drawn out cover letters will not be read, period. Figure out how to say something substantial about yourself using as few words as possible, or even just highlight a very important trait, skill, or quality.

Less is more.

-Buz

Buz,

Thanks and yes, what you said about CL's is true.

My remark you isolated goes along with that bad advice that says one should take their resume to a 'neighbor, friend or relative' for critical review.

Naturally, all that happens is that person says, "....looks pretty good to me!"


People need to more often take a more objective posture when reading/assessing their resumes and cover letters.




Paul.............


...

...
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