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Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,784,224 times
Reputation: 2708
Quote:
HIF: I received an inquiry about a vacancy that I am trying to fill and wanted to know what others thought of this first sentence in the cover letter:
The cream rises to the top and I think you will find my resume will do the same.
Hmmm, very interesting first sentence. I think you should put that resume to the test: lay it in a bowl of milk and see what happens -- odds are, it's going to sink....but, hey, you never know....it just might rise to the top, after all! Hahahaha -- well, you have to admit that it did get your attention!
P.S. Is this for a whipped cream factory? (just joking!)
Well, I like the first paragraphs of the sample cover letters I found online. So, I guess humility is not necessarily the right tone to take...
Dear Ms. Hent,
Having broken sales records and exceeded sales quotas in all my previous positions and recently completed my MBA in marketing from the Stern School of Managerial Leadership at Florida State University, I am an ideal candidate for the regional sales manager position at Marriott Vacation Club International.
As the leading sales representative for Disney Vacation Club, I developed key sales material, trained new sales reps, and reinvented the way club memberships are sold. My team's revenue was more than double the average for the entire operation.
The vacation club industry is a dynamic and growing industry, and I am convinced I can help Marriott grow its reputation and dominant position in the industry.
We should meet to discuss the position. I will contact you in the next 10 days to arrange an interview. Should you have any questions before that time, please feel free to call me at 904-555-2341 or email me. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dear Ms. Aggarwaal:
As a highly qualified professional with the experience and strong motivation to excel in the
human resources field, I am applying for the Human Resources Director position you are
currently advertising. My ability to motivate employees and proven track record in improving
HR processes make me a great candidate.
Dear Ms. Parke:
Building human capital is my expertise. Challenged to develop leadership, business, and
operations skills within the management and staff ranks of hospitals and health systems, I have
consistently delivered. Now I aspire to bring my ability to get results to a training leadership
position with your organization.'
Dear Ms. Goldman:
My relevant health-care law experience offers me an outstanding opportunity to make a positive contribution to Health Co-op Associates in the legal counsel position you are currently advertising. I am also interested in the advertised position of in-house attorney.
I guess this is the candidates attempt at being different than the other cover letters/resumes in the market, but I agree that it does come off as becoming a little cheesy. I would not disqualify the candidate based on this solely though. Personally, I don't care too much for cover letters when I was hiring people since most people use a template they find online.
I like it. It sets you apart from the 30,000 or so other cover letters each employer gets for every postion posted.
Setting yourself apart from the crowd is what it's all about isn't it?
Take a chance. Whataya got to lose? Chances are already thin.
Your resume is a needle in a haystack. Make that opening line and make your resume a broom stick in a hay stack.
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(just joking!
)
