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I moved to the Lawrence, KS area 5 months ago to escape the negativity of Kansas City, MO and I have now had child services called on me twice. To make a long story short, I am a black, single mom by choice of 3 children. My children are my life and I would lay down my life for them. I have never gotten any child support from their father since divorcing and I don't mind one bit. I work full-time and have worked very hard to raise them. My oldest is 12 and my youngest is 9.
The first time SRS was called on me was by the principal of Deerfield Elementary. In Missouri, my family was living in a townhome that was emitting toxic sewer gas at low levels for a year, so our health suffered and my children missed alot of school. When we came to Lawrence I enrolled them at school and disclosed what happened to our family but the principal still singled my family out. So, I decided to homeschool them the rest of the year to give my family a break. We had just been through enough and I had proof! As soon as I gave notice I was homeschooling, the principal reported me to SRS. I'm not getting any deeper into it but let's just say the school board apologized for this gross abuse of power on the principals part.
The 2nd time actually just happened, my youngest daughter very innocently enjoyed playing with my neighbors children, she would go over and play in their backyard with them almost everyday. I went ahead and enrolled them in the public school system but they didn't start school until the day after because their paperwork was still being processed, anyway, SRS shows up at my door today. Saying that someone reported that my daughter was not being supervised, her clothes were clean but too little, her shoes were too big, said that I would allow her to stay out all day and didn't care about her whereabouts, that both of my daughters were skinny, not malnourished but skinny, the kids missed the first day of school and that I, the mother might be pregnant.
Now my daughter only plays with one family in our neighborhood so I knew exactly who reported it. At first it was hilarious to me, then I felt betrayed, angry and hurt.
First of all, who the hell calls SRS because a childs clothes are too small?? Are you serious??? I have a 9 year old and there are clothes that she chooses to keep wearing that might be tight but she doesn't want to let them go. And shoes are too big?? What the hell kind of materialistic hell have I been dropped off in!! Even though I must say, my children have lots of clothes! But since when does a child having imperfect clothes equate as a bad mother? Keyword is, her clothes were clean! And they were play clothes!!! Why would I let my child bounce around on a trampoline and play with a dog with brand new clothes and shoes?
And skinny? Their father is a skinny guy!!! And my girls are both very healthy, do they have to be fat asses in order to be healthy? Wtf? My children are very well fed, I cook home cooked meals with desert every night, not the pizza and other junk my daughter told me they were eating. And really my children aren't being supervised??? I knew exactly where my child was everytime she visited these people! She would come and ask me if she could go, I allowed her to go to make her happy, not to get rid of her. For God's sake I homeschooled my children! I wouldn't mind being with my children EVERYDAY! I don't like that I have them in public school but since I am pregnant and was quite sick with this pregnancy, I decided to send them back. However mainly because they wanted to go back!
And they weren't at school on the first day!?! LOL, can I say, ***** mind your own business! They were slated to be homeschooled another year but I went ahead and enrolled them 4 days before school started, it's not my damn fault Lawrence takes forever to prepare for a new student, the first day of school was 8/16/12, the school called me on 8/16/12 to let me know they could start on 8/17/12! Again, mind your own business!!!! Jesus!
Lastly, what did me being pregnant have to do with anything??? So I'm a bad mother because I'm pregnant? Look, I am 35 years old and yes I am single but I wanted another child before I got too old. Not to mention the horrific miscarriage I suffered last year, that pregnancy was the result of a relationship that ended so I decided since I have always supported the 3 I already have, why not have one on my own.
Everyone has a story and a reason and I really don't care who judges me! I work everyday and I pay these high ass Kansas taxes and I don't appreciate anyone looking at me and judging me based upon my race and marital status. It's bs!
Of course, I went to their house and very respectfully confronted them, of course they lied and the woman of the house who reported me hid behind her husband like a coward and wouldn't even talk to me. I keep wondering, what was her motive, did she not like my black daughter visiting?
I think it's terrible the way people abuse the system to hurt people based upon their own prejudices. SRS is a wonderful agency that helps people and it should not be used as a weapon against people, especially people who don't deserve it! I noticed my ex-nanny discussing how her and her sister would call SRS on eachother because they were arguing amongst eachother. Wth? SRS is not to be used to settle a score or because you don't like someone or you don't agree with their lifestyle. It's to help children and families who are really in need and to help kids who are really being abused. I am a child advocate against abuse and have cried many nights over the reality that children are always targeted because they are small and weak. I would never harm my children or any other child, yet child services have been called on me twice within 5 months!!!!
I have never had child services called on me before I moved here and it pisses me off that me and my family cannot live peacefully because of hateful mean spirited people. Luckily, the SRS worker knew it was frivolous from the beginning. She saw my house, which I literally just deep cleaned because for 2 months I was so fatigued the only thing I had energy to do was work. Thank God I work from home. She also met with my children and was very impressed on how loving of a parent both of my daughters stated I was.
If anyone who lives in Lawrence, KS is reading this rant and calls SRS on people just because you feel like it or you are bored, please take note:
1. All black people do not abuse their children!
2. Clothes being too small and shoes being too big is not a sign of abuse and neglect.
3. Learn the actual signs of abuse and neglect in children! i.e. If a child knows they have to eat lasagna or something else they don't like to eat at home and they see you are having pizza, OF COURSE they are going to want to have pizza at your house! What kid doesn't want pizza over a healthy home cooked meal! Does that mean they are not being fed at home? Hell no!
4. Don't always assume single parents don't have control of their household or don't know where their kids are, we actually do a good job of parenting our kids!
5. Stop calling the authorities and get out and express your concerns for your neighbors, get to know them, stop assuming! Assuming makes YOU look bad, believe it or not. At the very least, ask the child!
If SRS gets a call on suspected abuse or neglect, they are required to investigate. I'm sure they are used to plenty of "unfounded" complaints.
And I bet school officials are also required to report to SRS when someone takes their kids out of school in order to "home school" them. Just so SRS can make certain they are actually receiving some sort of instruction.
Your idea of "neglect" may not be the same as your neighbors'. And your neighbor's idea of "neglect" may not be the same as the State of Kansas'.
My only concern is why you're not getting child support. I hate deadbeat parents. My sister's deadbeat ex owes her over $50k and he refuses to pay. She'sthiscloseto calling the cops and having him arrested and hauled off to jail. That's in Texas. Other than that, I would say you're doing good and tell other people to MYOB.
Welcome to Kansas! We are in SE KS and people here call SRS anonymously out of a sense of revenge, sadistic fun or boredom. I have had Adult Protective Services at my door with two policemen. My son is an adult with Down syndrome and I removed him from the local day program because there was abuse, neglect and exploitation. I know how you feel. Although I am not black, I am from Michigan originally and after living so many other places including states in the south, I find Kansas to be the most offensive when it comes to racial prejudice. I also homeschooled my son in Kansas and I don't feel you should have been hassled about that either especially with the poor quality of education in Kansas. Right now where we are, a very small group have decided to harass the Amish. These sick and small minded people just concentrate on every little detail in the lives of these innocent and peaceful people to pick at including wanting them to "diaper" their horses, complaining their horses were too thin, complaining their kids were in the road, complaining that they don't have to buy tags for their buggies, you get the theme I am sure. I am sorry you are having these problems. If this continues, I would make contact with officials in Topeka because local workers can be petty and continue to harass individuals since I know they do it here. Yes, SRS has its place but I have watched a conscious effort on their part to "grow" their programs by "workcount". SRS is only as good as the workers they have in a particular area. They can make it very rough on someone and they can be nudged into place by the state office.
I'm sorry, 2012. I'm sorry you are being harassed like that. I have found that certain members of the school and medical system, not to mention the community in general, have deep seated, often unfounded, prejudices and stereotypes of homeschoolers. The principal did seem to be acting out of revenge. And, if thinness is the sole sign of abuse, both of my children should have been taken away. Neither looked like they had been fed in a month of Sundays. I've run into people who make snap judgements....I've probably been that person a few times....and all I can say is I am sorry you and your kids had to go through that.
I am sure this is not the first thread on SRS but it did catch my eye. All I can say is I totally sympathize with you and wish you the best of luck. Once you catch the attention of SRS they rarely let go (and, yes other people may report out of bitterness, jealousy or revenge) Every bruise and anytime you discipline your children will be reported and investigated and, even if unsubstantiated can led to severance. Once you are under their supervision you will experience less time for your children as they mandate classes in order to "help" you. While there are many wonderful foster families the truth is that most children can do better with their own families (except for those whose life are in actual danger). I don't know about your area but reports of suspected abuse or neglect are up dramatically. Obviously caseloads for SRS workers, police involvement and court resources are stretched to breaking - or are broke. The other sad reality is foster care costs money which the State gladly pays for support to foster families but would never consider that a small portion of that in the home (or some other comparable service) might make a significant difference. Similarly, it is difficult to justify money for training and teaching a person to become productive in society when they can just be locked up. I realize you are not there and I hope you manage to avoid further entanglement. Really, good luck.
I am sure this is not the first thread on SRS but it did catch my eye. All I can say is I totally sympathize with you and wish you the best of luck. Once you catch the attention of SRS they rarely let go (and, yes other people may report out of bitterness, jealousy or revenge) Every bruise and anytime you discipline your children will be reported and investigated and, even if unsubstantiated can led to severance. Once you are under their supervision you will experience less time for your children as they mandate classes in order to "help" you. While there are many wonderful foster families the truth is that most children can do better with their own families (except for those whose life are in actual danger). I don't know about your area but reports of suspected abuse or neglect are up dramatically. Obviously caseloads for SRS workers, police involvement and court resources are stretched to breaking - or are broke. The other sad reality is foster care costs money which the State gladly pays for support to foster families but would never consider that a small portion of that in the home (or some other comparable service) might make a significant difference. Similarly, it is difficult to justify money for training and teaching a person to become productive in society when they can just be locked up. I realize you are not there and I hope you manage to avoid further entanglement. Really, good luck.
This is an excellent reply and is in line with what I have seen over the years. We attempted to adopt a child through the state years ago (we were investigated and approved) and they would not let those kids go, you know the ones that are always in the paper and the tv so once they are caught by the system, they can't get loose either. After almost 3 years of asking about child after child and getting nowhere, we adopted a baby with special needs through a private Christian agency. I agree that spending the time, money and effort on improving the current living conditions would go much further and be better for everyone involved except in extreme cases which you have mentioned. Sadly, foster care has become an industry like all the other services offered by SRS. They have built an empire! If you have ever seen the number of reports and the percentage actually substantiated, it is unbelievable as hardly any are substantiated. They allow the reports to be submitted anonymously and while I understand the reason, I think that needs to be tweaked. Race does play into the picture in Kansas and there is no denying it and often religion and you name it, "different" and you will have a bad time.
Welcome to Kansas! We are in SE KS and people here call SRS anonymously out of a sense of revenge, sadistic fun or boredom. I have had Adult Protective Services at my door with two policemen. My son is an adult with Down syndrome and I removed him from the local day program because there was abuse, neglect and exploitation. I know how you feel. Although I am not black, I am from Michigan originally and after living so many other places including states in the south, I find Kansas to be the most offensive when it comes to racial prejudice. I also homeschooled my son in Kansas and I don't feel you should have been hassled about that either especially with the poor quality of education in Kansas. Right now where we are, a very small group have decided to harass the Amish. These sick and small minded people just concentrate on every little detail in the lives of these innocent and peaceful people to pick at including wanting them to "diaper" their horses, complaining their horses were too thin, complaining their kids were in the road, complaining that they don't have to buy tags for their buggies, you get the theme I am sure. I am sorry you are having these problems. If this continues, I would make contact with officials in Topeka because local workers can be petty and continue to harass individuals since I know they do it here. Yes, SRS has its place but I have watched a conscious effort on their part to "grow" their programs by "workcount". SRS is only as good as the workers they have in a particular area. They can make it very rough on someone and they can be nudged into place by the state office.
I agree, I am very lucky that the worker that came out was fair. There are some who are corrupt and make money off of removing children from homes, even good homes. There are some that go into foster care and suffer every kind of abuse known to man. I thank God for that, an angel is watching over our family.
For the OP---you do NOT have to let CPS workers in your home! I, too, have been harassed over the years by CPS--Texas, to the point of a complete breakdown. The original involvement began with a false and malicious report that took us by complete surprise. It took 6 months and $10,000 in legal fees to close the case. But, those cases never close. You're put on the radar then. They go around asking schools, neighbors, etc all about you, but you're not supposed to know you're being investigated. kind of hard not to notice social workers at your door with a sherrif!
Since the original report, we've been reported over and over, for any little thing. its usually the school, sometimes neighbors, sometimes my children themselves. When all this stuff started, the kids were 8-9 years old, and gullible. They were told by CPS workers to call them any time they felt "uncomfortable', which could be anything. Once my ds called CPS because I told him to clean the cat box! The school would call for any little thing, like a forgotten lunch, lunch account went negative, any little bruise, etc, etc. They literally destroyed the fabric of our lives!
I've instructed my kids they do not HAVE to talk to CPS workers. They like to approach the kids at school and intimidate them into answering twisted, leading questions. Also, CPS told my kids they should not tell me the talked with them. I told my kids CPS cannot tell them what they can say to whom---they aren't the Gestopo! Also, I never let CPS workers inside the home. I keep one porch chair outside, I sit, they stand. they are NOT invited guests, you don't have to treat them as such. Do NOT sign anything! They wanted me to sign a blanket release for ALL medical records, going back to infancy. I simply said NO. Then they said they would come back with a court order. Ok, I would be happy to comply with a court order, but unless they had one, no. Tell them that violates HIPPA. You don't have to live like a criminal in your own home.
So, to remember:
Do NOT let them inside
Be polite, but not friendly
Tell them they need a court order for any signatures, records, etc.
MaryleeII: I have seen this here where we are. One child got a burn on their hand and the mother put burn ointment and a bandage on it and when the child went to school, CPS showed up at the door and told her that she must take the child to the doctor who said that what she did was the correct way to deal with this. Also, there was a long time worker at the day center who complained about some of the conditions affecting the clients there and not too long before CPS was at her door and she was fired for personal use of a computer at the center. A friend told me that she hears calls on the police scanner where the mother has called in to have the police come to the house because the 6 year old refuses to go to school. While that seems rather trivial, I am guessing if she touches the child and/or threatens them (such as taking away a privilege, etc.) in any way to get them to go that she has experienced CPS at her door and doesn't want them there again. The thing is, some intervention is justified but they need to tighten the parameters for it and make those reporting a little more accountable for their actions.
I am glad the OP got a fair worker and I think many are but still, they need to find a way to make the system more user friendly.
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