Loooking for southern guru to guide me on my journey??? (Knoxville: fit in, new home)

[ak to nm]

I recently moved to Knoxville from the North (far north) and have found it to be completly different in every aspect. There are things here that I do not understand and have given up trying to understand. My thought is, this is where these people are from and it is not up to me to make judgements on how they do things. I am just trying to find a nich in this palce, somewhere I can find the comfort that I felt at home.

But there are certain things that have happend that I do not understand, and for some reason keep happening. These are things that go against what I beleive and understand. These are things that I need to have explained. And I hope that maybe someone here could explain.

Where I am from, you keep your personal business to yourself, you only discuss these things with family and very close friends. But since I have been here I have noticed it to be completely opposite.

I have had the strangest converstations, with complete stangers. People I have just met or hardly know have told me about their relationships in very intimate detail.

I was asked by a co-worker, who I had only known for two weeks if I could watch her 7 year old daughter. I don't know about any of you but who asks a complete stanger, who has just moved to town to watch their child?

Standing in line at the store, I have had people carry on conversation at full volume, discussing verious medical problems, sexual problems, children, spouses, the list goes on.

Also there seems to be no concept of personal space. At stores I have had people stand directly beside me, like if you saw us you would think we were together beside me. What is this about? During the hoidays, I was shopping with my husband and we were looking at a display. It was a round dispaly, everything the same, all the way around. It was just me and my husband standing there, out of nowhere this guy comes up and stands between us! Now, where I am from that would mean the guy was trying to pick your pocket. I am not sure what it means here.

Standing in line at the grocery store, talking with my friend, we are having a personal converstaion, not talking loudly but just so each of us could hear the other. This person behind us starts telling us about someone she knew in the same situation and what she did? Now it was nice of her to offer her advise, but it was not asked for.

Is this normal? Can someone please explain this. I am only trying to understand where these people are coming from. Maybe in this area, standing next to stangers is ok, and doesn't mean that you are trying to rip them off. Maybe here people think that offering opinions on other peoples conversations is being helpful. Could someone please explain this to me.

I have so many more things to ask, I do truly want to understand, I want to fit in, I also just want to understand this and all of the other strange things that I have come across.

I guess what I need is a southern guru to lead me on my path to understanding this place.

[snapdragon]

Hi! I'm new to Knoxville too, but I am a native Southerner.
I think everyone is going to have a different opinion on this one.
So here's *my* opinion.
Standing close is normal and not normal. When I'm in line at stores I tend to stand very close so that no one cuts in front of me. Because of this I have bumped into many people. oops As far as that man standing in between you and your hubby at a display, that does sound odd, and I would have held my purse tighter and walked away.

As far as talking about personal stuff, well, I don't know what to say. I have been the lady who said way too much to a stranger and I've also been the lady who said "Can you believe that someone told me such and such?!"

I have no idea if I've helped you, probably not. Maybe someone else here will have more of an answer.

Good Luck and welcome!

[JMT]

All of that behavior sounds perfectly normal to me. One of the things some people like about the South (and some people dislike about the South) is that Southerners seem to enjoy starting conversations with perfect strangers.

And actually, for most Southerners I think the adage goes "a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet." Or something like that.

As for the fellow who stood between you and your husband, maybe he was merely hoping to strike up a conversation with you two.

Just as many Southerners move up north and are bewildered at how seemingly cold Northerners can be, many Northerners move south and are annoyed at how "intrusive" Southerners can be.

But it's what makes life fun and interesting. The world would be a mighty dull place if we all behaved exactly alike.

[bbkaren]

Try to be patient...it's hard to let go of suspicions but I really think it's customary for folks in the south to be, just, I dunno, a little more open and receptive, I guess. And maybe they presume everyone else to be the same.

I've had the same experience and like the last poster, have been the "butt-er in" as well as the "butt-in victim". So when I go down south it doesn't bother me so much.

As for the guy standing between you & hubby...maybe he's just crazy.

You know, the north doesn't have a monopoly on crazy people!

Welcome to the forum--you're gonna love it here!

[jmarkey]

Being transplanted to the south from New England, I'll throw my two cents in.

Jabberfests are a southern trait I liked right from the start. I found TN to be the same as GA, in that spontaneous conversations pop up all the time. I like it - perks up a day of boring errands. Almost always (in my experience) it's women who do this. Maybe men find that other men get chatty, too. Don't know.

IMO, personal space is personal space. I haven't had a problem with people crowding me. Most folks are polite to the extreme and try not to knock into you.

Lastly, I don't care where you live, asking a person you don't know to watch your kid is insane. When my children were small, moms in our subdivision traded off watching kids all the time - once they got to know you.

I love CT and New England, but folks up there can be a little surly. Enjoy the people you come across. I'm kind of introverted, but I always enjoy talking to people in stores. It just gives my day a little lift. Common sense should prevail, though, as in the case of someone crowding between you and your husband. I agree with the above poster - I would have kept a tight grip on my purse.

[knoxgarden]

Read Florence King's Southern Ladies and Gentlemen.
While it's a bit dated, it still rings true and provides insight into the Southern Psyche.
Amazon.com: Southern Ladies & Gentlemen: Books: Florence King

[goodbyehollywood]

Originally Posted by newbee2knox

My thought is, this is where these people are from and it is not up to me to make judgements on how they do things. I am just trying to find a nich in this palce, somewhere I can find the comfort that I felt at home.

I guess what I need is a southern guru to lead me on my path to understanding this place.

Well, I'm certainly not a guru, but then, I don't think you need one. Southerners aren't some weird species from an alien planet; they're warm, friendly people who, as a rule, want to be kind and courteous. Now, some may cross the line and some may be more intimate than you would like or are used to and some may jump, uninvited, into a conversation. Others don't. This isn't unique to the South and, in fact, many who live here aren't even Southerners. I have had everything you mention happen to me in California, with the exception of a stranger discussing their sex life in line (and that would be weird anywhere). None of these things are uniquely Southern; they're just differences in where people choose to place the line between friendliness and intrusiveness.

But, yes, at the risk of generalizing, Southerners tend to be friendly and open and they do tend to strike up a conversation wherever they happen to be. To a Southerner, conversing is a pleasant way to pass the time when you're standing in line or glommed together in a crowd. Most are just trying to be nice, but perhaps you have met some who are a bit too friendly for your taste. I don't think Southerners have a different definition of "personal space" or what is appropriate conversation for a public place. And, yes, standing next to strangers is OK. They are probably not trying to rip you off. If they're standing too close, simply step away. If they step closer, they're not being a Southerner; they're being a pervert or a pickpocket and regionality is irrelevant.

I don't know why you're having all these issues, but I do know that when you say things like "this place" and "these people" over and over again, you are distancing yourself. You're putting up barriers that will make it difficult for you to ever feel at home or "fit in" here. You can either acclimate and appreciate the differences, stay and bemoan them or go back North, where you won't be subject to them. Drawing a line between "them" and "me" keeps you an outsider and it doesn't sound like that's what you want to be.

Good luck! I hope you're happy here.

[JR AND CHARLA]

We Noticed That People In The South Wave When Driving By,in California You Think Someone Is Up To Something-in The South They Honk Their Horn-in California This Could Bring Road Rage Or A Shooting-in The South People Are More Friendly-but Will Be Most Likely Misunderstood In Most States-most Of America Is Loosing Hospitality-at Least The South Is Trying To Hold On For The Most Part-

[gemkeeper]

Neebee2knox, I had to chuckle when I read your post. My dad was born and raised into his teen years in the south and was the chattiest man I have ever known. He was a farm boy once the family moved to PA.

As a kid I would be embarrassed (I grew up in PA) that he would start a conversation with anybody who was within 6 feet of him. He would even introduce me and my siblings to complete strangers.

And, yes, when I took my children with me shopping, I am sure that I embarrassed them by being so chatty. (In case no one has noticed!) But, they are now grown and very sociable and friendly to all, as well. So, it is perhaps a southern trait that rubs off by association!

Now, having lived in the south for awhile I have found that just as JMT noted, this is the rite of a stranger becoming a friend. It seems to cross all economic-social strata - with anybody being fair game to join in the conversation!

This is one of the things that is so charming in the SE. I do not find this to be the case in the mid-west, ne coast or southwest US. Maybe, SmokyMtnGal or others who have lived in the SW can speak more to that than I can.

You must still exercise caution just as you would anyplace about strangers being toooo familiar with you, such as asking where you live, let me give you a call sometime, etc. But, by and large, it is just being neighborly and very soul-warming.

I think in any part of the world, let alone the US, you would have to be desperate to ask a stranger or someone who you hardly knew to watch your child!! This is careless, unthinking behavior unless your co-worker did an FBI check on you. Some of the nicest people on the outside have proven to be very devious inside. I hope you declined!

You will enjoy being here on the forum. You will find the same kind of "closeness" here as you might expect to find in the grocery store. You should feel that you have many friends here after a very short time.

I think you will eventually begin to relax a bit about the openness of people in TN and, hopefully, will even enjoy it. It can be stimulating to chat with someone that you know just wants to pass the time just as you do.

Welcome to the forum. I hope we hear about your transition and new home area as time goes on. We'll look forward to it.

[Jersey Devil]

Basically, if you want to keep a lot of secrets, it will be difficult to do here. If you have any big dark secrets, they'll probably be discovered in short order.

In the south, if you have a problem, you tell a few close friends about it (usually with the preface of " don't tell anyone BUT...") then your friends tell everyone else about it, the problem becomes exposed to everyone...this helps to keep most people honest