Making friends (Knoxville, Maryville: live, cabin, gardens)

[Chequers]

Hang in there. There is a sort of clannish, family only mentality in Knoxville. You'll have more luck with other transplants like yourself. Make it a point to befriend someone from somewhere else but don't give up completely on the natives. There are some nice ones.

[BarbG]

Originally Posted by toreachbeyondthesunset

I was helped by your posting. I am moving to Knoxville in August to continue with my education at UT. I am transfering from the University of Idaho. Before that I lived in California and before that, I spent some time in North Carolina. Iam originally form Uganda. Needless to say, I have moved around quite often and feel that its time I found a place to call home. All the postings I have read on here have helped me form an idea about what kind of place knoxville is. It looks like a place filled with genuine, friendly, warm, good and decent people whom I would be privileged to call friends.
Reading this post compelled me to sign up and respond because it made me realise that the reason I have not made many friends during my stay in Idaho is not because of other people but because of my attitudes and expectations. I have been too needy for companionship and unable to loosen up and let things evolve. I should be paying you instead of my therapist.
I look forward to meeting the good people of Knoxville; the real salt of the earth.

Wanted to respond to your post, because it really touched my heart. The greater Knoxville area IS a place filled with wonderful people, as you said. Deep friendships aren't built overnight, and it's always hard when you move to a new place. We've been here 4 years, almost 5 now, and have begun to build those deep relationships with some people who were 'acquaintances' at one time. One couple we are the closest to right now adopted their child through foster care, around the same time we did. We share our struggles and our celebrations as our children heal from the pain of their past. There's nothing quite as bonding as going through the same experiences together.

I hope you are able to build friendships that last a lifetime in your journey through Knoxville. As I hope we all will.

[NJDevil]

My therapist told me a lot of Baptist churches frown upon women having friends outside of their family. They are made to feel guilty if they have friends and their family is not their first priority at all times. I never would have known that.

[happyin]

I read your post and have to say I've been here for a few years and I find that the mentality it's like living in a tiny rural town some where in Vermont. But ay least in Vermont u don't have to join a church to be accepted, people here do not have any social skills like light banter @ "happy hour" U speak in jest and they look at u like you're from another planet. Everyone is very polite while judging u behind your back. I'm a transplant and have lived all over this country and never had a hard time making friends ( Good friends) but here weird so I have to agree it's lonely here unless you're a follower or clone.

[weisgarber1]

Originally Posted by NJDevil

My therapist told me a lot of Baptist churches frown upon women having friends outside of their family. They are made to feel guilty if they have friends and their family is not their first priority at all times. I never would have known that.

I don't think that is remotely accurate, having many friends who are Baptists, and having attended Baptist churches in the past. Not remotely accurate, from my experience.

[weisgarber1]

Originally Posted by happyin

I read your post and have to say I've been here for a few years and I find that the mentality it's like living in a tiny rural town some where in Vermont. But ay least in Vermont u don't have to join a church to be accepted, people here do not have any social skills like light banter @ "happy hour" U speak in jest and they look at u like you're from another planet. Everyone is very polite while judging u behind your back. I'm a transplant and have lived all over this country and never had a hard time making friends ( Good friends) but here weird so I have to agree it's lonely here unless you're a follower or clone.

One doesn't have to join a church here either and people do have skills such as banter. Your comments appear to me to be mean-spirited and inaccurate. And if you personally do not like it, you would have other options.

[kdweller]

Thanks. I think there's a lot of nice people here.

[kdweller]

I was thanking Chequers for his comment...Don't know if that was clear.

I established earlier in this thread that I believe Knoxville to have many assets, including friendly people and many good people and businesses. I had relocated frequently in life (childhood and adulthood), spent a lot of that time in Appalachia, but am in Knoxville for the long haul. I have never lived anywhere before that I did not made friends fairly easily and quickly. So I was baffled to find, even after a few years, a different situation here.

I was careful to do all the "right" things: be friendly to all encountered, but not pushy or needy. Volunteer and join things. Help others. Not limit to just one area to make friends, such as church or one organization. I don't expect to monopolize my friends, but it would be good if we could get together every couple months, if possible, as well as have an exchange of emails or ph. conversations 1-2 times a month. If they want more, or they need my help on something. I can do that. If they want less contact than what I described, that's fine also.

I'm not a complainer and most think of me as an optimist. it took me years to even post anything online about this. And since my interest in people is quite sincere, I'm considered a good listener.

I understand people's right to voice their opinion on a post they disagree with. That is good and fine.

What I don't understand is going beyond disagreement and telling them there are plenty of highways out of here leading to other places.

People can't always just quickly leave for many reasons, including work contracts, obligations to family and lack of financial ability. And while they are here, they should be able to speak their mind without immediate reprimand and told they can leave if there is something they don't like.

I'd like it to participate in a forum a place where when Person A someone voices an opinion about something Person B does not agree with, Person B can state their disagreement without telling Person A they can leave if they don't like something.

Otherwise, an open disintegrates into a place where people hesitate to post or stop bothering posting at all.

[hiknapster]

kdweller, knowing Weisgarber, I believe he was responding to the person that said if you have friends here you must be a follower or a clone. I found that to be not very nice. I have friends here. I suspect he or she just insulted me!

Of course, the guy or gal also said that Knoxville is a like a small town in Vermont. Maybe that's true, because I'm from a small town in New England!

I found that out of all the places I have lived in, Knoxville is the only place where people "get" me and laugh at my jokes. I've never had someone just blankly stare at me. I had that happen a LOT in Florida when talking to some retirees!

I really think it is has a lot to do with what neighborhood you are in, where you work, etc. I worked in one place where the people were not friendly at all and another where they were great. When I lived out in the county, I hated it. However, the neighborhood culprits were from way-upstate New York. They were horrible and started all kinds of trouble with the entire neighborhood.

And that is not a slam against New Yorkers, who I will defend until the end. It was just those folks. It could have easily been locals, too.

It is not Pleasantville all the time. But it is sure as heck nicer than anywhere else I have lived. But not everyone is wonderful.

Church? I don't go. There are lots of atheists and agnostics and pagans and all kinds of folks floating around in Knoxville. Yes, there are a lot of religious folks, too. It's the Bible belt. But I don't have people asking me to go to their church, either.

I don't know. Some places are just not right for some people. If you are getting lots of blank stares like I got in Fort Myers, FL, then this area probably isn't for you. Everyone should find a place to live where they are comfortable; where they can tell a joke and everyone laughs like crazy. It's fabulous. I sincerely hope that everyone finds their right place. If there was one perfect place on the planet we would all want to live there. But there might be the perfect place for YOU. Let's hope we all find our place.

And kdweller: I think that for the most part, people on this forum have been very nice to you.

[kdweller]

I've not run into the "blank stare" you refer to much in my life and I have not encountered it here. And I can't agree more that there is no perfect place and no perfect people. As to people being nice to me on the forum, I was not talking about that, and I apologize to anyone who thought I was.

I just want people to post without having to unduly censor their opinion, as long as it is not specific personal attacks, such as 'Joe Blow of Maryville is a loser"). Otherwise what is presented as an open forum becomes a place where people limit postings to positive comments and questions that are unlikely to draw criticism.