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Old 10-25-2010, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Somewhere.
10,481 posts, read 25,200,634 times
Reputation: 9115

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Quote:
Originally Posted by las vegas drunk View Post
I will admit PinkString was right. I have a very sweet and loving side to me that I got from my mother, but there is that mean, evil side I got from my dad that I try my best to suppress. I am still doing the best I can to get rid of "his" part of me. I do not want to be a bad person. To be quite honest, I am ashamed of myself every time I let the evil come out.
I didn't say you were evil, I said it feels to me like you have about 3 personalities. When you black out and you are out there doing whatever, you don't remember, so it makes sense that another personality you aren't aware of is doing something.
You have the good, the bad and the bewildered.

 
Old 10-25-2010, 08:10 PM
 
848 posts, read 1,719,067 times
Reputation: 221
Firefly is finally open in Spring Valley.

Firefly - Las Vegas Sun
 
Old 10-25-2010, 08:25 PM
 
1,408 posts, read 3,305,417 times
Reputation: 952
That was such a nice post LVD. You know what? You didn't inherit your parents traits, you learned them. And just like you spent 18 or so years learning those, you can spend 18 or so years now learning the ones you want to have. I'll bet your Mom came from a loving family. She might have been able to stop your Dad's abusiveness but she was probably passive and afraid. When this happens it is called "enabling." She enabled him to continue being the way he was. It could have been financial reasons...who knows, many women have been trapped because they couldn't afford to get out but I wish she would have been able to stand up to your Dad and tell him that she was walking out the door with you, never to return, if he ever opened his mouth like that to their son again. I'd like to think on your Dad's death bed, he had many regrets but I have a feeling he didn't even know he could have made it much better. He just parented the way he was parented. Fortunately you are wise enough should you get the chance to have a child, to for the first time, break that dysfunctional cycle in your family and raise that child with positive reinforcement and praise instead of destructive lip. The only reason I know these things is because I was raised same as you. And so was every kid and every cousin in my family. I couldn't even repeat the things we were called in this public forum. And after watching these adults all self-destruct with alcohol, none of us became drinkers. We read whatever we could, we talked amongst ourselves and others and we soaked up everything we could about families until we had figured out what was wrong in ours and began to boost ourselves up to realize we really were good people and not the worthless, idiots we had been called all our lives. When my Dad died and I was cleaning out his things, I came across every newspaper clipping or mention of my name in print there ever was but he never verbally acknowledged my accomplishments or said he was proud of me and no one in the family ever hugged their kids and told them they were loved.
 
Old 10-25-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Location: La La Land
1,616 posts, read 2,477,516 times
Reputation: 2838
If I may:

1) It's just sad that in a country where people can make millions and billions of dollars a year, live in homes with 20 bedrooms, and own 10 luxury cars simply because they tell jokes or play a game, we cannot guarantee everyone basic medical coverage. We are not talking about a luxury and I don't mean taking care of people who abuse themselves. I am referring to basic coverage for legitimate illnesses and emergencies. This issue is beyond political affiliations andis truly a symptom of a dysfunctional society. OK, enough on that.

2) LVD, the dysfunctional family is more the normal than people will admit. Even parents who truly love their childen can be far from perfect and exercise some questionable judgment in their parenting philosophies. And we are a product of our genes and our environment. We do not live in a vacuum and we are not completely responsible for who we become as adults. We are, however, responsible for how we act as adults. I completely understand what you mean by having two sides. While my upbringing was a little more sedate than yours, there are similarities. I also find that as a result I have developed two modes of being. I think, however, the fact that you admit and accept who you are is very significant. Many people live in denial of their true personalities. By not admitting what they are capable of they do not exercise any control over or responsibility for their actions. I know that before I accepted what I was capable of, I did some scary things. Now, after accepting the truth about myself I am much more able to control what I do, take responsibility and live a more productive life. Sometimes, allowing a bit of the "evil" into my daily life allows me to accomplish things that my "nice" side would never be able to do. These changes took years and I am no longer a "young" man. But, I live a better life that I ever did and am able to face myself in the mirror with a clear conscience every day.
 
Old 10-25-2010, 09:14 PM
 
Location: Home!
9,376 posts, read 11,904,384 times
Reputation: 9282
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjameson922 View Post
I think if you guys who have had to put up with the verbal abuse start to do a little checking, you'll find the person dishing out the verbal abuse grew up being talked to the same way. When I say they don't know any better, that's what I mean. I can't tell you how many people I have run across who raised their kids a certain way and then realized after they were grown, there were better ways to do it and one of the common denominators is they finally get around enough to observe how other people do things in their homes and end up shocked and ashamed when they observe not everyone bad mouths the people they love. They think telling someone off, ripping them to shreds and venting all their anger on them is the way to motivate someone and relieve their own frustrations. In many cases, this pattern begins generations ago with alcohol abuse and the dysfunction usually continues through the generations until someone breaks the generational cycle by wising up and running things in their house 180 degrees different.
Yes. This is what I mean when I say that as adults we should learn better.
 
Old 10-25-2010, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Home!
9,376 posts, read 11,904,384 times
Reputation: 9282
Quote:
Originally Posted by las vegas drunk View Post
Luckily, I had a mother that was the total opposite who was totally loving. Still, I struggle even know my dad died 11 years ago. I will admit PinkString was right. I have a very sweet and loving side to me that I got from my mother, but there is that mean, evil side I got from my dad that I try my best to suppress. I am still doing the best I can to get rid of "his" part of me. I do not want to be a bad person. To be quite honest, I am ashamed of myself every time I let the evil come out.

EDIT: oops, I reread my post for errors. My grandpa did die a few months later but it was because of heart disease, not because of me. I never physically did anything to him, all I did was yell and scream at him.
Some sick things were said to you. So sorry for that. You did not ask for that.

I wonder if your "evil" comes out when you are sober? I know you know that you continue your grandpa's and your dad's legacy by drinking. I am glad you are not taking an innocent person down with you, but I am sad that since you choose this route, you do not get to know what a great relationship is.
 
Old 10-25-2010, 09:27 PM
 
3,622 posts, read 5,576,333 times
Reputation: 4322
So............today sure felt like Fall to me! You have to be very careful because you just might miss it: the few crunchy leaves on the ground, the cooler temperature in the wind. It's not obvious but it's there. There just has to be something in between hot and cold, right?
 
Old 10-26-2010, 01:37 AM
 
Location: El Camino Real
990 posts, read 1,646,711 times
Reputation: 958
LVD is not evil. What happens is something is said on the board that feels like the kinds of criticism he has been subject to his whole life and he reacts to it the only way he knows how. He isn't talking to us at this point. He's talking to his father and grandfather.

LVD, am I close to right?
 
Old 10-26-2010, 02:11 AM
 
Location: Somewhere.
10,481 posts, read 25,200,634 times
Reputation: 9115
Lyra, great weather! Aired out the place nicely today. Perfect temps. Not hot and not cold enough for a sweater. Well, right now it is, but not earlier.
The a/c has been off for almost a month now. It's very nice to save some money.
 
Old 10-26-2010, 02:56 AM
 
10,494 posts, read 27,129,286 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by tazz View Post
LVD is not evil. What happens is something is said on the board that feels like the kinds of criticism he has been subject to his whole life and he reacts to it the only way he knows how. He isn't talking to us at this point. He's talking to his father and grandfather.

LVD, am I close to right?
Sort of. Sometimes that is true. Other times I just take things out of context and over react.
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