[tazz]

Originally Posted by MediocreButArrogant

You couldn't be more wrong. Think a Petroleum Engineer can find a job in any city? Think an Electrical Engineer can find a job in any city? Engineers don't have the choice of where to work like nurses or accountants.

Nurses don't have choices? Every hospital I know in is hiring experienced nurses. Traveling nurses can name their state.

[MediocreButArrogant]

Originally Posted by tazz

Nurses don't have choices? Every hospital I know in is hiring experienced nurses. Traveling nurses can name their state.

I guess my wording was confusing. The word "do" was missing from the last sentence. I meant unlike nurses and accountants, engineers have fewer choices of cities where they can work.

[bledsoe3]

It sounds like he was forced to move by his wife and mother. I keep hearing how happy those two are about Vegas.

No wonder he is not happy.

[Tiger Beer]

I'm also bothered by the 'he must have a girlfriend in Chico' comments. If the guy isn't happy being controlled by his parents, and wants to visit the city he lived in for 6 years prior to being 'talked into' moving to be near his parents....he therefore MUST have a girlfriend there.

I doubt it.

[tazz]

Originally Posted by Tiger Beer

I'm also bothered by the 'he must have a girlfriend in Chico' comments. If the guy isn't happy being controlled by his parents, and wants to visit the city he lived in for 6 years prior to being 'talked into' moving to be near his parents....he therefore MUST have a girlfriend there.

I doubt it.

You have taken the word "perhaps" and substituted "MUST have."

[PinkString]

If this is all for real, I say let the guy make up his own mind where he wants to live and work. If he's happier in Chico, then butt out and let him live his life there. Quit interfering and expect him to change, because the more you try to change him the farther he will run the other way.

[stingraynm]

I think the community involvement and friends are a big factor. I can make myself at home just about anywhere (and have quite the veritable experience doing just that), but nowhere ever really feels like home until I have friends and find activities and local efforts that give me something to live for besides work, work, and more work. Every move has come with a salary increase for me as well (though 200K exceeds my wildest dreams as youthful fantasy phases into adult reality), and money is nothing if you don't feel like a good fit where you're at. Also, the more pay always has come with more responsibilities, and usually the encouragement of "just-out-of-college work" phases into the malcontent chiding of "now-you're-a-pro work". That's tough to get used to, and I consider myself lucky that my employer in Vegas has broken that trend I was seeing in prior work and gone back to more encouraging managerial approaches.

My parents are quite involved in my life, too. I don't think that's necessarily as bad as some on here have painted it, but it is good advice to not interfere too much. I have yet to meet an adult who doesn't feel "babied" eventually when parents get overtly (and overly) concerned all the time. One thing that I do second is that the decision does ultimately belong to his new nuclear family now. Parents can only say so much. PinkString is right, too. You don't want to "spook" him into a state of mind where he feels he can no longer even confide in you. That can do irreparable damage to family dynamics.

As for the comments about a girlfriend, I can't say. If we're pondering the possibilities, I'm surprised nobody mentioned that there are certain activities that are a major facet of Chico culture that you won't find so much around here. Those activities are a bit more accepted in a $60K job than a $200K job, I'll bet as well. Maybe your son became accustomed to taking an occasional mental break, if you will, that he can no longer give himself.

From there, Chico really is just a lot more laid back on a lot of fronts than Vegas, and as some have mentioned, the responsibilities that warrant a $200K salary are probably quite a jump up from the routine of a $60K salary. That alone could drive any happy fellow into a cold shell.

[tijlover]

I've dead stopped trying to encourage any friends/relatives to move out here.
If they take your advice, they move here, are unhappy, then you end up bearing the blame, reponsibilities, criticism. No thank you!

My brother did move out here, without my encouragement (I even tried to encourage him to stay put), loved it here for 2 years, she hated it, and as usual, it's the wife that makes the ultimate decision, through either direct or indirect pressure. It was her idea to move here, he didn't want to move here.
But she turned against it, and he followed her back to Minnesota. Now, interestingly enough, she kicks herself for leaving here. Too late now!

My feeling is that he's perhaps a more passive aggressive type, and he punishing those that hoodwinked him into moving here. His criticism of the city, I feel, is justifiable.

I'm like him, I'd take the passive aggressive approach as well, except I'd take it furthur than he's taking it.

No girlfriend in Chico, IMO!

[stingraynm]

Originally Posted by tijlover

His criticism of the city, I feel, is justifiable.

Unfortunately, as much as I love many things about this locale (pretty much what the wife loves), I have to agree. For a person who has come to enjoy life in rural/wilderness townships, a heavily stratified, fast-paced city really does come like a punch in the face. It sounds like the son and his wife may have very divergent preferences on that front.

Two divergent parts of my mentality like either urban or rural/wilderness, but the less urban part of me feels the son's pain.

[jfkIII]

it must be that Vegas magic. Sounds like the wife couldn't give a rat's a$$ about her husband...but surely does like the $200K. He sounds so depressed that he might be one step away from suicide. Get help quickly.