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Subject: Mattel recently announces the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Long Island market:
Jericho BARBIE:
This princess Barbie is sold only at Roosevelt Fields Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Louis Vuitton handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey
and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Nesconset BARBIE:
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Wine Dance BARBIE (Wyandanch)
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable
bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Old Westbury BARBIE
This yuppie Bar comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.
Shirley BARBIE"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's
butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper sticker absolutely free. We don't know where Ken is because he's always
out a-'huntin' with Shirley Ken.
Syosset BARBIE"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available.
Riverhead BARBIE:"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of the
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top.Let's not forget the ass tatoo and thong. Also available with a mobile home.
Great Neck Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her
Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Great Neck Barbies
and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Ronkonkoma BARBIE"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Too bad you can't get the photos up here. I would love to see them. Sounds like great stuff.
This is what I meant way back when on some other post. New Yorkers in general and Long Islanders in particular have a certain wit about them that is not really found anywhere else, or at least it is not as common. They think we are rude and crude, but that is because they don't get the jokes.
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Long Island market:
Central Islip Barbie - This Modern Day Retro-Barbie comes with Two Gold Teeth, Acid Washed Jeans, White Reeboks, Feathered Hair and a Double Ring Belt. She also comes with Ken, her brother/boyfriend, complete with house arrest bracelet and Dodge Neon. Parole Officer Sold Separately.
Hempstead Barbie - This Barbie comes with Hoop Earrings, Hair Weave, Food Stamps, a bus pass, a search warrant, and a court date. She also comes with three babies and three different Ken's (one daddy for each baby). Also, Each Ken comes with his own bag of weed.
Brentwood Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and four baby Barbies in the backseat (no car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket, lunch pail, and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Brentwood Barbie or Ken.
Uniondale Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop then we don't know what you are talking about
Great Neck Barbie - This stuck-up yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Mastic Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small with a roll of fat hanging over the top. A NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Levittown Barbie - This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hicksville Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home. Huntington Barbie - This doll actually smells like tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Huntington Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free. Massapequa Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with teased black hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings and 1 ankle bracelet. Included are a permanently attached cell phone and a black Monte Carlo with ILUVTONY license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a black haired Tony doll with hairy chest and gel/hairdryer kit.
The connection between height and success/power I would assume would be because of basic psychological reasons, just like how better looking people are usually more successful. Height is desirable, and this puts someone taller at an advantage to someone shorter, but this doesn't mean that only tall people can succeed, obviously. Off the top of my head I can think of Napoleon as an example, I'm sure there are at least a few more. Who is going to take a really short guy seriously though? It's just funny, I for one for the most part, couldn't really fear a little guy. So, this would tie into class because it has to start somewhere down the line.
Don't forget, with their underreported income they can now sign up for Children's Health Plus, paid for by NYS via medicaid. Healthcare for the "poor" in Muttontown claiming 40K a year income.
Totally
I watched my buddy Sammy put every dime of his financial aid up his nose in College after family paid cash for his housing and tuition.
His Dad had a "Flooring" business in Locust Valley.
I feel for the under privileged youth combing the mean streets of the Gold Coast.
Way, way back there someone was asking about class and what is costs to live on LI...I think.
Here are simple facts: the median and averages listed for the country have nothing to do with LI. We are a weird and tough-to-define bracket all our own with grossly distorted numbers on paper. Look closely at the lists of expensive places to live: Nassau County (often grouped with Suffolk, but that's another mistake altogether, further exacerbating the skew) is always in the top 10 most expensive counties in the US, reliably along with Los Angeles and Santa Clara (containing San Jose and Mountain View), CA. It also has one of the very highest property /school tax burdens. Example: I have a smaller 3 bedroom Cape in a nicer working class community with 1 bath, no basement or garage, and measuring roughly 1500 square feet. I pay well over $700 a MONTH in cumulative school and property taxes. The sound I often hear after that statement is the jaws of friends in other locales hitting the floor.
If considering strictly financial criteria, class lines are shifted northward, and yes, $100,000 is solidly middle class for a single or couple, but only working-middle class for a family.
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