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Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 21 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,091,524 times
Reputation: 15538
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For the Op reading the original post and some of the others I get the impression that you are able to meet the financial obligations on just one salary for now. I realize there may not be much left over for vacations etc but you are meeting your bills. Reading your words in #56 you seem offended that people don't agree with you. If your husbands salary can provide a standard of living then consider your self fortunate as many need both incomes just to live.
Yes we raised on kids on one income as I was in the service, we did with out somethings but till the day they were in High School they never had to leave or come home to an empty house. That was our choice but we also sent them to daycare 2 days a week the year before kindergarden. You say your child "deserves a home and a back yard" why because it's LI? He deserves 2 parents that Love him ; regardless of what type of home it is.
Take the time to evaluate what is really important and you will probally find that being a parent is better than providing a trip to Disneyland every summer.
Let me start off with the night job, not everyone's field of work has a night job. If I wanted to work at 7-Eleven, yes, I could get night hours but I would not earn enough. My husband is getting transferred to brooklyn with his job and may have the option of working different hours, if that's the case than I may only need a babysitter for a few hours until I get home. But he works for a large company and sometimes things fall through and don't pan out. You can't say about night work b/c it's not in everyone's field and most night jobs that anyone can do, work at Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, those type of places don't pay as much as I make and I pay 1/2 the bills in the house...so considering I wouldn't be able to pay my electric, gas and lots of other utilities, where would you expect me to live?? My child deserves a house and a backyard to play in of his own. I could live in my inlaw's basement but I refuse...I am way past that point and don't rely on that stuff....Oh, and if you thought it ws for free, b/c you make it sound like you are done with your children, etc., no, I would have to take a loan out to redo their basement...so yes, I would be paying my own way to live there AND increasing the value of THEIR home.
I know there are some grandparents who are willing to take care of their grandchildren and there are others who have worked most of their life and dont' want to take care of their grandchildren. You know, I know a lot of people who feel the way you do. Unfortunately, things are much different from the time you had kids to today. Back then, when I was a child, most mothers were able to be stay at home moms which really don't exist anymore. And, who ever said i wanted them to raise my kids f/t??? My mom retired about 2 years ago and she didn't want to take care of any grandchildren. However we agreed that she would help out 2 days a week, which she is doing now and she enjoys watching all the new things he is learning, etc.. I don't understand how some grandparents feel the way that you feel. I look at my son and hope that I am around when he has children so I can see my grandchildren grow up and help them if I am able to at that time. I am 38 and this is what I think about when I think about my son having a family of his own one day and how I would love to be a huge part of my grandchild's life. It really makes my mind boggle when I hear grandparents saying they don't want to help out raising their grandchildren. My grandmother is 94 and keeps saying she would love to watch my son if she could. She feels bad he is in daycare and she's not a fan. Back when I was a child, the grandparents loved to help. I'm not pointing you out specifically but there are a lot of grandparents who feel the way you feel and I know when you are older you want to enjoy your own life...but you and many other grandparents make it sound like it was a terrible job having to raise your own kids. I just don't get it.
Oh, and i just read your last part about "not some stranger either". Do you live on Long Island??? Do you knwo what the costs are to afford a home after the year 2002 and have a decent life on LI? You sound very naive to me. Do any of your kids even have children yet??? Do they come from a wealthy family where they won't have to work when they have a child? Or, did they buy their house before the housing bubble and have a MUCH smaller mortgage than most families these days? In today's life, I'd say about 95% of families have to work. So God bless your kids if they are able to stay home with their children...but most people today after buying a home on LI and the cost of the taxes and mortgage, one salary just doesn't cover all the bills in the home. Do you think I WANTED to leave my son in daycare?? Do you think it was by choice?? My other choice was not to have kids and to miss out on that special moment. To me, it sounds like you are living in the caveman days. Good luck to your kids if you are not living in the real world today knowing hte costs of housing, and other bills. I hope they understand that you will not help them out at least once or twice a week. and, if you do have grandchildren, most likely, it will be worst for them financially when they are in their 20's and 30's, looking for a home to buy. That's my concern also when I look at my son...there are NO jobs today and what will it be like in the future...AND, LI cost so much now, what will that be like in the future as well. I think you need to open your eyes and look at the whole picture in today's adult eyes....I'm assuming you brought your house many, many years ago and have it paid off and just pay taxes with enhanced STAR. That's why you aren't understanding the cost of everything...which is okay. My grandmother's the same way b/c she grew up in a totally different era. Just know, it's very hard for young families to afford everything today. Most people have a mortgage of $2k or more a month and then utilities and other expenses on top of it, and taxes on LI start at about $8k...depends where you are looking and they go up every year. So, it's understandable why it's so hard to live on LI financially. No parent wants to put their child in daycare. The only reason why I like it is b/c my son is getting socialization with other children which I believe is important. However, I'd much rather be home with him and being the on taking care of him. I cried my first day back at work when I had my MOTHER watchign him. Even that was hard for me... Leaving him at daycare was even harder... Please don't make it sound like I wanted to leave him at daycare b/c I did not... It's hard to find someone you can trust to watch the most precious person in ones life and sometimes in life you jsut don't have a choice to stop working. All I am saying is please realize that it is MUCH harder for the younger families to survive on one salary today. Things were different years ago when one parent could stay home. This is why most families leave LI...to find a better life where they could afford things. However, my husband cannot transfer to another state... we've already thought about it..and I would miss my parents dearly.
You could opt to live in a smaller place or a rental and stay home with the kids. Owning a house- and having all the extra associated bills is a choice, not a necessity for a child to be happy.
My kids do not have a backyard of their own- it doesnt make them less happy. They dont have their own rooms. We all SHARE 1 bedroom
I could probably land a good paying job in the city- but my kids would need to be in daycare about 12 hours a day and we feel that it is better to stay home in this case., plus the commute, the waking at at 5am coming home at 7pm is absurd to do for "stuff" basically- my kids have more than they need.
When I was growing up in Russia- i NEVER had my own room- most families lived WITH their parents- especially young families ... this was prior to 1991. Having a 2 bedroom living space was pretty much standard regardless of how many people you had.
My husband, grew up with both of his parents and his brother in a SMALLER apartment then we currently have. He turned out fine.
Do not get me wrong, i would love to own a house and a have backyard for my kids , but i would not be doing that if it required both of our incomes to meet the burden of covering the basic expenses. ... and so i am not doing that- we sort of subscribe to the idea that we need the smallest living quarters to meet our needs to live comfortably and while our kids were little 1 bedroom was plenty, now we looking to move up to 2 bedrooms. I dont understand why so many people spend so much on housing. I may live in a one bedroom but we still take 1 big vacation every year etc.. there are people spending all their money on housing and i dont get it. (sorry this went off tangent)
For the Op reading the original post and some of the others I get the impression that you are able to meet the financial obligations on just one salary for now. I realize there may not be much left over for vacations etc but you are meeting your bills. Reading your words in #56 you seem offended that people don't agree with you. If your husbands salary can provide a standard of living then consider your self fortunate as many need both incomes just to live.
Yes we raised on kids on one income as I was in the service, we did with out somethings but till the day they were in High School they never had to leave or come home to an empty house. That was our choice but we also sent them to daycare 2 days a week the year before kindergarden. You say your child "deserves a home and a back yard" why because it's LI? He deserves 2 parents that Love him ; regardless of what type of home it is.
Take the time to evaluate what is really important and you will probally find that being a parent is better than providing a trip to Disneyland every summer.
I wish you were right that I said we could survive on one salary..but we cannot. I'm working 3 days a week now and we are having a hard time making ends meet. Believe me, if I was able to stay home f/t I would do it in a heartbeat. I may have to go back to work a 4th day...especially if I want to give my son a sibling which I have in the back of my mind. I can barely afford the daycare for 3 days a week on my current salary. If the reason I felt that I had to work was b/c of taking my kids on vacation, I would not even work for those reasons...I'd much rather be home with my child but to be able to afford our house and the bills that come along with it, I NEED to work at least 3 days if not more...
My parents helped me one day a week with my oldest but then when I had my second they wouldn't watch 2 kids and neither would my (then) inlaws. Both my mother and (ex) mother in law worked part time back then, and on their days off they really didn't want to watch the kids. My nine year old daughter was in daycare at 5 weeks old and was never watched by anyone but a daycare/preschool provider while I worked. My income was worth it back then but the economy is not the same now as it was 10+ years ago.
I stay home now with my two youngest and my parents are retired but have no desire to watch my children so I can go to work. They help out financially now and then, and would rather do that then babysit. My father in law is in his 80's and could not babysit and my husbands mother passed away 30 years ago. We struggle financially some months and don't go on any vacations like a lot of people we know do.
We have friends who's parents/inlaws babysat their kids until kindergarten, it saved them a lot of money and allowed for them to live more comfortably.
Yesterday I was at the park with my two lil ones and I saw a few sets of grandparents watching their grandbabies. They seem thrilled to be doing it, but my parents would rather be golfing or playing tennis!
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 21 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,091,524 times
Reputation: 15538
Quote:
Originally Posted by LIgirl74
I wish you were right that I said we could survive on one salary..but we cannot. I'm working 3 days a week now and we are having a hard time making ends meet. Believe me, if I was able to stay home f/t I would do it in a heartbeat. I may have to go back to work a 4th day...especially if I want to give my son a sibling which I have in the back of my mind. I can barely afford the daycare for 3 days a week on my current salary. If the reason I felt that I had to work was b/c of taking my kids on vacation, I would not even work for those reasons...I'd much rather be home with my child but to be able to afford our house and the bills that come along with it, I NEED to work at least 3 days if not more...
Fair enough we had a similar dillema at one point, for my wife to work her salary potential would just cover the child care. For 2 years she ran a child care program at the house for 2/3 kids that brought the little extra money we needed and allowed her to work at home.
Keep looking at options but don't assume family can help. Look hard at your expenses and see where you can scale back (ie cable services/channels?). As for a second child you never know, ours came <2 years after the first. Preventitive methods don't always work...good luck.
Not sure if it's a possibility, but the reason my husband & I have been able to have a family and not spend a fortune on childcare is that we both work opposite shifts. I never have to worry about leaving work if my son gets sick at school, who's going to bring them to soccer practice, who's going to pick the little one up from preschool, etc. because one of us is always around to do it.
The weekdays are a little rough, but we got used to it and we're both off Saturday & Sunday so that helps. I also think it's nice that the kids are always with one of their parents.
Take the time to evaluate what is really important and you will probally find that being a parent is better than providing a trip to Disneyland every summer.
No knocking this poster because I know it comes from the right place, but there is STILL so much stigma placed on "daycare" as though people are just abandoning their kids to be raised by marms in orphanages of the 1600's. It's ludicrous.
People need two incomes now. Not for Disneyland, but to pay for the mortgage, taxes, heat and food. There is a way over 50% divorce rate which means many SINGLE parents that HAVE to work. There are students studying early childhood education and retirees (maybe even grandmas) who NEED jobs and work in reputable daycares taking pride in working with kids. Many of us are older parents ourselves and the gandparents have their own health issues, live too far away or have passed on.
It is NOT such a negative to send your kids to daycare, particularly one that puts an emphasis on preschool academics. Funny, when you call it "Head Start" it's a good thing, but "Daycare" is bad. Is it better for the kid to go to the park everyday with mommy or grandma and play on the swings or spend the day with other kids playing on the swings, learning to adapt, adjust, share, play, socialize, fight, make up, make friends, etc?
It is thought of as a luxury to be able to be close to your young kids all day and that may be true for some. My wife would have preferred to spend more time with my son than me when he was 2, lol! If I won megamillions I STILL would have sent him to daycare a few days a week! She felt guilty for months.
The fact is, it's not the 50's of Father Knows Best (as much as Kate Murray would like to make it so) anymore. Kids play behind the PVC, not in the street, both parents work and daycare is a costly but important expense. No need to feel like a heel just because some "holier than thous" lived on ramen noodles and burned the piano for heat so they could be with their precious toddlers to watch Blues Clues every day. They are just trying to make others feel bad. Don't let them. Do what is best for YOUR family.
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 21 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,091,524 times
Reputation: 15538
Quote:
Originally Posted by mongoose65
No knocking this poster because I know it comes from the right place, but there is STILL so much stigma placed on "daycare" as though people are just abandoning their kids to be raised by marms in orphanages of the 1600's. It's ludicrous.
People need two incomes now. Not for Disneyland, but to pay for the mortgage, taxes, heat and food. There is a way over 50% divorce rate which means many SINGLE parents that HAVE to work. There are students studying early childhood education and retirees (maybe even grandmas) who NEED jobs and work in reputable daycares taking pride in working with kids. Many of us are older parents ourselves and the gandparents have their own health issues, live too far away or have passed on.
It is NOT such a negative to send your kids to daycare, particularly one that puts an emphasis on preschool academics. Funny, when you call it "Head Start" it's a good thing, but "Daycare" is bad. Is it better for the kid to go to the park everyday with mommy or grandma and play on the swings or spend the day with other kids playing on the swings, learning to adapt, adjust, share, play, socialize, fight, make up, make friends, etc?
It is thought of as a luxury to be able to be close to your young kids all day and that may be true for some. My wife would have preferred to spend more time with my son than me when he was 2, lol! If I won megamillions I STILL would have sent him to daycare a few days a week! She felt guilty for months.
The fact is, it's not the 50's of Father Knows Best (as much as Kate Murray would like to make it so) anymore. Kids play behind the PVC, not in the street, both parents work and daycare is a costly but important expense. No need to feel like a heel just because some "holier than thous" lived on ramen noodles and burned the piano for heat so they could be with their precious toddlers to watch Blues Clues every day. They are just trying to make others feel bad. Don't let them. Do what is best for YOUR family.
You missed a key point in my post. I was under the impression that the OP was meeting their financial obligations on one income. Too many households have both parents working because they want all the extra's, thats a big difference from familys were both work to pay the bills.
You could opt to live in a smaller place or a rental and stay home with the kids. Owning a house- and having all the extra associated bills is a choice, not a necessity for a child to be happy.
My kids do not have a backyard of their own- it doesnt make them less happy. They dont have their own rooms. We all SHARE 1 bedroom
I could probably land a good paying job in the city- but my kids would need to be in daycare about 12 hours a day and we feel that it is better to stay home in this case., plus the commute, the waking at at 5am coming home at 7pm is absurd to do for "stuff" basically- my kids have more than they need.
When I was growing up in Russia- i NEVER had my own room- most families lived WITH their parents- especially young families ... this was prior to 1991. Having a 2 bedroom living space was pretty much standard regardless of how many people you had.
My husband, grew up with both of his parents and his brother in a SMALLER apartment then we currently have. He turned out fine.
Do not get me wrong, i would love to own a house and a have backyard for my kids , but i would not be doing that if it required both of our incomes to meet the burden of covering the basic expenses. ... and so i am not doing that- we sort of subscribe to the idea that we need the smallest living quarters to meet our needs to live comfortably and while our kids were little 1 bedroom was plenty, now we looking to move up to 2 bedrooms. I dont understand why so many people spend so much on housing. I may live in a one bedroom but we still take 1 big vacation every year etc.. there are people spending all their money on housing and i dont get it. (sorry this went off tangent)
Honestly, and this is nothing personal or anythign against you. I couldn't do what you do unless I had too... We owned a 1 b/r condo a few years ago and we wanted to wait until we purchased a home to have a child. I grew up in a hiranch and my husband grew up in a colonial. Our 1 b/r condo was just big enough for us and our 3 cats. The people above me had a child and I saw how they struggled to live with their child in such a small place. They wanted to move too. There were some people living like you with 2 kids in a 1 b/r apt. It's just not for us though. I guess b/c you and your husband grew up in such small living quarters, you are okay with it. I just couldn't do it.
Also, I remember when I was growing up, my friends whose parents rented, they were always moving from rental to rental...I just don't want that. To me to try to stay put is a better living for a child...not to keep having to get up and move from a rental. I rented when I was single and I know that you can get some good landlords or some terrible ones...I am just not willing to take that chance these days unless my husband lost his job. if he did, I would have no choice but to move and go and rent. His salary covers the mortgage. I give you a lot of credit to have so much patience to live in a 1 b/r apt. I just couldn't do it. Maybe it's b/c we grew up as kids having a bedroom of our own when we had siblings.
I read your earlier posts and I wish you lots of luck with everything. Like I said, I think back to my friends whose parents rented and they were always being uprooted..it's just not for me and after having my own personal experiences with rentals when I was single, I am pretty much done with landlord's. LOL..
You missed a key point in my post. I was under the impression that the OP was meeting their financial obligations on one income. Too many households have both parents working because they want all the extra's, thats a big difference from familys were both work to pay the bills.
We still have our piano...
Fair enough and thank you for acknowledging the piano joke..I worked hard on that one!
From my experience on LI, unless the house was handed down from the family so zero or small mortgage OR the 1 income parent makes a REALLY good income...both parents have to work to pay the bills. People's level of "extras" varies. We seem to have fewer and fewer every year. Lots of staycations all of a sudden, but for me, it's a bonus. I'll take a good backyard BBQ over another lame Orlando trip any day, but I don't begrudge anyone who works hard and wants to go to Disneyland. If they choose to send the kids to Tutor Time so they can have income for activities, luxuries and vacations, more power to them. As my other post alludes, it doesn't make them better or worse parents for it. It's just what they deem priorities for their family.
Others on here seem to think anyone who doesn't keep little Jimmy on their teat until school age is a horrible parent and that kind of bugs me.
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