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Old 03-01-2013, 12:31 PM
 
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I currently live in Brooklyn with my wife and infant son. We are extremely happy currently, but in 1-2 years when the kid is older, we likely will move to the suburbs. It makes more financial sense to go the burbs, especially with the cost of private schools. The NYC income tax in my tax bracket is also a killer that I want to escape.

My question mainly pertains to my wife, who will be a stay at home mom raising our son, and possible future kids.

How is life for a stay at home mom in the North Shore? Specifically I am looking to move to Manhasset or Port Washington. Here in Brooklyn, she has all sorts of young mothers with kids she socializes with, and there are a ton of activities since the part of Brooklyn we live in is essentially a yuppie breeding ground.

I am worried my wife will be isolated if we move to the burbs.

I am familiar with the north shore of long island since my family moved there from nyc in my teen years... Great Neck specifically. I recall growing up in Great Neck, most people mostly kept to themselves, and there was very little neighborly interaction unlike how it was where I grew up in brooklyn and queens. I only knew one immediate neighbor and for years had no idea who lived across the street.

I am assuming with successive waves of young families that continue to move to the North Shore things are different, but I don't know that for a fact. I'm also picking Port Washington and Manhasset as oppose to Great Neck because they appear to be less pretentious than Great Neck.

My biggest fear is my wife going insane isolated in the house all day. Becoming an alcoholic on Prozac, Xanax and driving backwards on the expressway.

Any housewives out there who moved from the city to the burbs, what are your experiences? Do you have regrets?
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Glen Head, NY
840 posts, read 2,436,476 times
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YMMV, but my wife was a stay at home mom when we moved here and she didn't know anyone but through school events and such, she quickly made friends. If you move to an area with community events and an active pro/pta, it's easy to meet people.
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Hamburg, NY
1,199 posts, read 2,856,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 85dumbo View Post
I currently live in Brooklyn with my wife and infant son. We are extremely happy currently, but in 1-2 years when the kid is older, we likely will move to the suburbs. It makes more financial sense to go the burbs, especially with the cost of private schools. The NYC income tax in my tax bracket is also a killer that I want to escape.

My question mainly pertains to my wife, who will be a stay at home mom raising our son, and possible future kids.

How is life for a stay at home mom in the North Shore? Specifically I am looking to move to Manhasset or Port Washington. Here in Brooklyn, she has all sorts of young mothers with kids she socializes with, and there are a ton of activities since the part of Brooklyn we live in is essentially a yuppie breeding ground.

I am worried my wife will be isolated if we move to the burbs.

I am familiar with the north shore of long island since my family moved there from nyc in my teen years... Great Neck specifically. I recall growing up in Great Neck, most people mostly kept to themselves, and there was very little neighborly interaction unlike how it was where I grew up in brooklyn and queens. I only knew one immediate neighbor and for years had no idea who lived across the street.

I am assuming with successive waves of young families that continue to move to the North Shore things are different, but I don't know that for a fact. I'm also picking Port Washington and Manhasset as oppose to Great Neck because they appear to be less pretentious than Great Neck.

My biggest fear is my wife going insane isolated in the house all day. Becoming an alcoholic on Prozac, Xanax and driving backwards on the expressway.

Any housewives out there who moved from the city to the burbs, what are your experiences? Do you have regrets?
Sounds like you would be a good fit for Port Washington. Lots of activities for babies and their mommies, you won't be bored. It's not going to be as neighborly as Brooklyn, but you will have no problem finding lots of Brooklyn and Manhattan ex-pats to relate to and the trend is for more and more of those types to be moving in (they are really taking over the place if you ask me).

The PRC is a good place to find activities to do with young children: Classes for parents and children - Parent Resource Center of Port Washington, NY

It's certainly less pretentious than Great Neck and more diverse. Though I have to say that the majority in Port tends toward the upper middle class and since our income is more middle (or even lower middle by LI standards) we are feeling increasingly out of place here and looking to move. It's not a bad place to live though and I would recommend it to someone looking to live in a more sophisticated and NYC friendly suburb compared to many other LI suburbs.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:06 PM
 
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Portnorth, thanks for the info and link.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:09 PM
 
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I have always thought South Shore people were more down to earth and sociable than North Shore people but maybe that is me and maybe that is b/c on the whole NS is richer than SS.

Billy Joel obviously agrees: "Either date a rich girl from the North Shore or a cool girl from the South Shore." Pick your battles wisely. More people on the north shore are snooty I feel than the people are on the south shore- of course there are both types on both shores.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Huntington
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As another poster pointed out, schools are a good source for meeting other parents, and your wife will make plenty of connections there. In the meantime the next best thing to do after you make your move is for your wife to join some kind of community group; whether it's a historical society, horticulture club, choral society, church or temple, etc., where she will make some friends. Another thing for her to do is to take some walks through your future neighborhood and strike up some conversations with the neighbors who are out and about - particularly on the weekends when people are more likely to be home.

It can be difficult being a stay-at-home mom. I know - I did it for 20 years, and watched as career opportunities came and went and passed me by. Now I'm a workplace dinosaur. There's no making up for a 20-year loss. That's a huge price your wife will be paying if she goes that route. Over a period of 30 years she will be losing at least $500K between salary, benefits, and some sort of IRA plan. Was it worth it? Yes, I've got two great kids. Monetarily no. And I didn't even rely on drugs or alcohol to get through and never landed in the local insane asylum, even though at times I had plenty of cabin fever. What I did do for a few summers was to spend a week away taking courses at a university out of state. It was a very much needed break - much better than any family vacation could have been.

Last edited by AndreaII; 03-01-2013 at 01:18 PM..
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:12 PM
 
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There will be plenty of opportunities to get involved and meet other parents through preschool and other kids' activities. I think you're more likely to find the vibe you are looking for in Port Washington.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:31 PM
 
2,770 posts, read 3,513,641 times
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Kudos to you AndreaII.

While I have nothing against the working mom, I think the stay at home mom has a harder job.

Its a small sample size, but among the children I see in my condo in brookyln, there is a definitive difference in behavior and even language skill in a kid that was raised by a nanny/baby sitter/day care versus mother.

I'm fortunate enough that my income does not require my wife to work. My wife gladly "retired" from her job the day she married me and she hated the corporate grind.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:36 PM
 
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This isn't a North Shore vs South Shore thing.

The North Shore is a way easier commute for my work.
I'd probably pick a nice South Shore town if it had an easy commute, but unfortunately that is not the case.

I really really hated Great Neck growing up which is one reason why I love living in Brooklyn. If it wasn't for the kid, I'd never leave Brookyln.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:53 PM
 
414 posts, read 805,441 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 85dumbo View Post
Its a small sample size, but among the children I see in my condo in brookyln, there is a definitive difference in behavior and even language skill in a kid that was raised by a nanny/baby sitter/day care versus mother.
.
I don't know that I would agree with that. I've seen just the opposite myself. My kids were in daycare since they were babies, because we need the 2 incomes to survive, and they have and are still doing wonderfully in school. I know lots of stay at home moms w/nannies that do nothing but their nails and the gym.

On a side note, remember the taxes on LI are sky high, you wife may need to work after all just to afford that, especially in the area you are looking.
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