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How about applying to the local county court system in Nassau/Suffolk as a clerk to judges? Likely doesn't pay great, but hours could be flexible and benefits are great. Just a thought.
I believe those jobs are like any other civil service job. Wait for them to administer the appropriate exam, get on the list, and then wait and wait and pretty sure it's a NYS civil service exam.
For court clerk gigs, they post openings on the NYS Courts website, and you apply directly to particular openings. The jobs are fairly competitive and generally political connection plays a role.
And OP, I know you mentioned the concern that a part-time gig at a small firm on Long Island might not pay enough to cover the cost of childcare, but even if it doesn't, it's something you need to do if you EVER want to work (as a lawyer) again. No one's going to want to pay you a fifth-year-associate's rates (or whatever it is that you'd be based on your graduation year) when you worked for, it sounds like, under two years - that's going to become more and more true the more out-of-date your past experience is. I'd imagine that's going to be true anywhere, even in Tennessee. Right now, someone who's been at a law firm for a year has more useful experience than you do, fancy degree or no. If you ever want to work again, you need to change that.
And ditto everyone on all of the financial planning advice you've been given.
I'd normally agree with this position but she's paying PMI. I'd prepay my mortgage as aggressively as I could in order to eliminate that $400-500/mo nut.
Unless she's planning to sell quickly.
I re-read some posts, yes...$400-$500 in PMI
Thats nutts! That can get you $100K++ (extra) Mtg/payment-30 years.
So, agreed too...pay off your mtg. Re-Fi at lower rate, drop PMI, I am sure that would be around $1,000 per month +/- in your pocket per month.
Then, if things are STILL tight....SELL the home with the $500K mtg, down size to a $350K mtg, you will save even more!
Man, I wish I had those problems with a $250K salary coming in!
I re-read some posts, yes...$400-$500 in PMI
Thats nutts! That can get you $100K++ (extra) Mtg/payment-30 years.
So, agreed too...pay off your mtg. Re-Fi at lower rate, drop PMI, I am sure that would be around $1,000 per month +/- in your pocket per month.
Then, if things are STILL tight....SELL the home with the $500K mtg, down size to a $350K mtg, you will save even more!
Man, I wish I had those problems with a $250K salary coming in!
Exactly. After the refi, just ride out that ultra-low interest rate for 30 years. Do not prepay and just invest invest invest (obviously maxing out all your tax-advantaged opportunities (401(k) and backdoor Roth IRAs).
Coney, I am the first one in my family to go to college, much less grad school. My parents are wonderful people but they didn't and don't have the financial sophistication to see the trainwreck coming and I was too young to realize the implications of my decisions. It's a sad situation and it happens all too often I think. And even if they were savvy enough to see the problem coming, I wouldn't have listened to them. I was 21 years old. I could drink in a bar. I knew it all.
As for my husband's parents, they are deceased, so again, nobody there to really step in and give either of us the benefit of wisdom created by age. How could I have not known that going into Biglaw was selling your soul? At the time I made the decision to go to law school, I wasn't terribly concerned with my soul or work family balance or anything that matters now. I was concerned with making a lot of money and being a "big f'in deal". I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making excuses, because I'm not. These decisions were all mine and I take full responsibility for them and am trying to address them as proactively as I can now.
You are correct in that we are considering Williamson county, but I absolutely see your point in it being much like Long Island. Again, living anywhere else never really occurred to us, and I'm grateful to third parties for pointing out alternative solutions. We may consider Murfreesboro and things in that area as well. We'd like to stay to the south of Nashville to remain close to my family, but maybe it doesn't need to be Williamson County and I need to do more research beyond just general reputation. Or be open to living in a lesser ranked system while the kids are young (my child isn't even 2 yet) and maybe moving up once things get in order. And yes, Coney, there were absolutely opportunities that we could have made more of. I've beat myself up a lot over not paying down debt when we had the chance and a host of other things. I think part of the trap we are in now that your post made me see is that we are attributing our "needs" and "wants" to our child rather than taking responsibility for them ourselves. It's not that we need a nice house, it's our child that does. It's not that we want a certain standard of living, it's that we owe it to our child. And that's just simply not true and we need to accept that before we are the people who have a house in foreclosure while our kid drives a BMW or something insane like that.
I think I actually have a better chance of getting a job in Tn, than my husband. His field of law is pretty central to NY and there's not much work outside of this area. He would need to change fields, which he is absolutely open to doing, but right now I'm trying to see what my connections can bring. I spent most of the day networking and the response has been overwhelming. I'm terrible at keeping in touch and people I haven't talked to in more than 3-5 years are being so awesome at helping out, but the current theme right now is that there's just nothing out there, anywhere. But since we do have an income right now, I'm hoping that we have the flexibility to wait until something does come up and then maybe we will be able to make it happen.
This morning I applied to about 10 in-house or local jobs. Since we don't know what the future holds, I think it makes sense for me to actively pursue leads in other parts of the country at the same time I search for work here that will still allow me time with my child.
Logical, I get what you're trying to say, but we didn't have a baby too soon. We had a baby when it was right for us, and while we didn't sit down and do the calculations and make sure all of our debt etc was paid off, that's one decision I'm totally ok with. I'd rather be hopelessly in debt and have my kid right now than anything else. Not logical, I know. But sometimes it's ok not to be logical, as long as you don't whine (too much) about the consequences.
My husband is fed up and he is looking on LI and at the courts, but I have no control over his job search efforts. He's dealing with his own depression and sense of hopelessness about the situation and is having a hard time making forward progress. I created his resume, but for a few blanks, and his cover letter, and I ask him about it every day, twice a day, but he has done nothing. Nothing at all to send it out. That's a whole different can of worms. So rather than scream and be irritated at him, I just do me, and deal with what I can control!
For court clerk gigs, they post openings on the NYS Courts website, and you apply directly to particular openings. The jobs are fairly competitive and generally political connection plays a role.
And OP, I know you mentioned the concern that a part-time gig at a small firm on Long Island might not pay enough to cover the cost of childcare, but even if it doesn't, it's something you need to do if you EVER want to work (as a lawyer) again. No one's going to want to pay you a fifth-year-associate's rates (or whatever it is that you'd be based on your graduation year) when you worked for, it sounds like, under two years - that's going to become more and more true the more out-of-date your past experience is. I'd imagine that's going to be true anywhere, even in Tennessee. Right now, someone who's been at a law firm for a year has more useful experience than you do, fancy degree or no. If you ever want to work again, you need to change that.
And ditto everyone on all of the financial planning advice you've been given.
I've thought about this, and I just go back and forth whether it makes sense to lose money, and lose time with my child to keep a skill set up. I don't know the right answer. I have more than 2 years experience, closer to 5 and I would never expect a salary equal to my class year, and not even a salary equal to a first year when I return to work. But you're right in that there will always be someone with more or more recent experience than me. But that's the case even now, I think? It's been what's been holding me back from applying anywhere, the thought that no matter what I have to offer there are 1000 other attorneys here in NY who have as much, probably more, so why apply. But, like I said in a previous post, I've changed that and am now sending my resume to every opening. It doesn't cost me anything to do that.
Coney, I am the first one in my family to go to college, much less grad school.
This is what I had thought. Neither of my parents went to college either. Yet in law school (and later at Biglaw) it seemed to me like every person's parents were lawyers/professionals, and came from real money. I went to a good public high school on LI; my father made decent money but nothing flashy. So it was a culture shock later being surrounded by people who came from true wealth.
I was determined that I couldn't fit into that kind of lifestyle and didn't want to. So I moved out to Queens after graduating, later to LI; I'm an outlier to be sure (I can count on one hand the number of associates who commute in from LI), but I think it's making me happier in the long run.
Not sure if any of this makes sense. I think my point is: Biglaw is a temporary means to an end; a ways to get a boost or an head start on an otherwise middle class lifestyle in the 'burbs. I think most of my colleagues would make fun of that thought, but with that perspective it's not so bad.
I think it is wrong for people to say that you really messed up. Your husband still makes good money and your home is not too expensive in absolute $$ terms. Many people in LI and even in this forum are even worse off than you. Some bought homes at $700+ even at half the take home pay. Go watch the documentary Hard Times - Lost on Long Island. Those people are messed up with no way out or a means to cope. You are nowhere near being like them.
That said, better decisions could have been made. But that's water under the bridge.
It looks like the major things that are straining your family right now are: (a) your husband's grueling job, (b) his long commute, (c) your mortgage and (d) presumably your student loans.
Could you possibly sell your home at a good price? Then use the proceeds to pay the student loans. That should take a good load off your chests. Then rent (maybe in Queens/Bayside to shorten the commute) and invest the balance in emergency funds and a well-diversified portfolio instead of paying mortgage.
When both of you have shored up your savings, husband can look to leaving his big law employer for his own practice even if it means less pay. Having no mortgage or student debt will release the pressure of having to make a big salary.
OP has already explained that if she sells the house, she will incur some loss.
OK, I understand now about the lack of parental advice and perhaps, you got swept away by your classmates and professors with the push for the fast-track and high ambition. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but sometimes the priority has to be other things, including family. I assume you did not clerk in NY so you could not get a taste of the environment. I also agree with you about having a child. This is not an income problem, but a problem that all women are facing regarding the timing of starting a family. Sometimes, if you want to have children, there are medical reasons why you cannot wait. It's better that you made some financial mistakes earlier in life than later because these can be corrected. It sounds like the big factor here is hubby's dissatisfaction. That puts pressure on the marriage and family life.
As you probably know, Mursfreeboro is growing by leaps and bounds. It would be a cheaper alternative to Franklin and there are new subdivisions with homes at a modest cost. People do complain about the commute on I-24 to Nashville. Maybe, to your New Yorker husband, it wouldn't seem so bad, but it's not much better than a Long Island rush hour drive. Mursfreeboro is less transplant friendly than Franklin for now, but that may change as it continues to grow. Franklin continues to become more upper middle class with many transplants from CA, the northeast, and the UK. You could also check out Smyrna. There's a lot of school rezoning going on in Williamson with some new schools being built.
This is what I had thought. Neither of my parents went to college either. Yet in law school (and later at Biglaw) it seemed to me like every person's parents were lawyers/professionals, and came from real money. I went to a good public high school on LI; my father made decent money but nothing flashy. So it was a culture shock later being surrounded by people who came from true wealth.
I was determined that I couldn't fit into that kind of lifestyle and didn't want to. So I moved out to Queens after graduating, later to LI; I'm an outlier to be sure (I can count on one hand the number of associates who commute in from LI), but I think it's making me happier in the long run.
Not sure if any of this makes sense. I think my point is: Biglaw is a temporary means to an end; a ways to get a boost or an head start on an otherwise middle class lifestyle in the 'burbs. I think most of my colleagues would make fun of that thought, but with that perspective it's not so bad.
100% this. I've done the Biglaw thing in the past and will be returning shortly (took a break to do public interest stuff for a year). I have no intention of upgrading my apartment or my car, or running out and buying a $600K McMansion "because that's what's done." My designer suits were 80% off at the outlets. Sure, you're somewhat of an outlier when you live that way, but if your work is good (and your goal is "make enough money to get the heck out of this place" rather than "run this place"), it's not going to affect your career all that much. For me, the plan is 3 more years in Biglaw, during which time my husband and I are paying off both of our cars, paying off my student loans, and setting ourselves up with a 20% down payment for a house. Sit down with your husband and figure out what your goals are, financially, as a family. Then, sit down with a financial planner and figure out how to make those goals happen with the budget that you have. Maybe then you'll be able to give your husband some light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to, instead of the way things are for him now, where he's stuck on an endless hamster wheel of despair to keep your family in the lifestyle to which you've all become accustomed, with no concrete exit strategy.
Frankly, it sounds like you've both been managing your finances extremely reactively for your whole adult lives, and you both need to get a lot more proactive (regardless of whether or not you move).
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