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Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
1,558 posts, read 2,723,240 times
Reputation: 1652
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Real talk, since you asked for it:
* Large space
* Short commute
* Reasonable rent/mortgage payment
For most people who work in Manhattan, you can only get two out of the three. The problem is that when posters try to bring that to your attention, you shoot them down. If you can't make that sacrifice, you need to look elsewhere. Then you say you won't leave family, so then it's a stalemate. Everytime somebody offers a compromise situation, you have some abstract reason or another of why it won't work. If you can't make those adjustments, what else can we suggest besides moving?
Like I said in another thread (I don't think you posted in that one, so I don't know if you read it), when you come to a certain age and maturity, "family" becomes who you bring into this world, and you need to do what's best for THEM. It sucks, but that's life. For many of us, the departure will only be temporary anyway. My parents already know that I'm probably leaving, but they're thinking about leaving too and, depending on where I go, they might follow me down.
Moving somehere like Delaware, which is only three hours away (2.5 at night), still enables you to come up for birthday parties, and other events. To be honest, I don't see my family up here too often anyway-- we're all on different schedules grinding with our different jobs. It actually makes visiting more special because the whole weekend is set aside to spend time with them.
There are some challenges, though. If you're new to an area, it must be hard to find babysitting on short notice, or somebody to pick up the kids from school when you get a flat tire. In the end, you have to do what's best for YOU.
Dude, I know you can do it-- go over it with your wife and put together a five and ten year plan for where you want to be (be it Long Island, or elsewhere). You're an MIT grad, I know you're smart and can come up with a pragmatic plan to thrive wherever you are. Maybe the answer is changing fields, look and see what people in your field often switch into- you may be surprised. I'd bet that's even more productive than some of your posts on these boards
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 16 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,075,134 times
Reputation: 15537
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBlue53
Family values? Ha. They went out with fall out shelters. Just read any news site today and you can see where this country is headed.
The phrase "Nuclear Family" was coined in the 1947 (Nuclear family - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) . Since that time Americans have viewed the family unit as parents & kids not as a broad extended family like the OP believes. Just because the family unit is smaller and more spread out than older generations doesn't mean they lack any less values, have suffered on a quality of life or have been snubbed by relations who choose to stay. If a person grows up with out a sense of who they are or values that is the fault of the parent(s) not the demise of staying where everyone else is.
You may (wishfully) think so, but a majority of kids don't.
Then tough, kids get what is right for them, they don't always get what they want. I refuse to raise my kids to be materialistic jerks. Materialism is why we are in this mess that we are in now.
Ya i would never leave my family and friends. Too important. Material things mean nothing. Rather be poor surrounded by ppl I love than rich by myself.
Thank you!! At least someone understands where I am coming from!!
JDawg: maybe you can give me a serious answer as to what areas of Long Island and/or New York City are affordable for someone like me, after I have 2 kids? Thank you.
You come from a very cold and vindictive background, are you kidding me. So according to you granparents will never visit because you dared leave the location they are in....
Does it matter what the kids want or is it the parents job to instill values in kids? If my kids valued an iPad over their grandparents than I know I did a bad job.
Am I the only person on this board who cares about family values?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitsguy2001
Thank you!! At least someone understands where I am coming from!!
JDawg: maybe you can give me a serious answer as to what areas of Long Island and/or New York City are affordable for someone like me, after I have 2 kids? Thank you.
Seriously... are you asking jdog for somewhere to live, lol... She has no kids and used to live in a 300sqf condo... Everyone has their own unique situation... What works for her doesn't necessary will work for you
This is pretty much the bottom line. If you can't make a life where you live than you really don't have a choice. Complaining that everything is to expensive and you are to good to move to a lesser town is not going to solve anything. By the time you are in your late 20's early 30's you should have your life together with a plan.
My issue is, what are the "middle of the road" towns that are less expensive than places like Smithtown, Garden City, or Floral Park, but aren't as bad as places like Central Islip, Roosevelt, or Hempstead, and are also a short commute to the city (in case I lose my job on Long Island), and has housing large enough for a family of 4?
* Large space
* Short commute
* Reasonable rent/mortgage payment
For most people who work in Manhattan, you can only get two out of the three.
I don't need "large space", just someone big enough for (mostl likely) a family of 4 (which, to me, means 3 bedrooms; don't need to be big bedrooms).
Quote:
The problem is that when posters try to bring that to your attention, you shoot them down. If you can't make that sacrifice, you need to look elsewhere. Then you say you won't leave family, so then it's a stalemate. Everytime somebody offers a compromise situation, you have some abstract reason or another of why it won't work. If you can't make those adjustments, what else can we suggest besides moving?
Like I said in another thread (I don't think you posted in that one, so I don't know if you read it), when you come to a certain age and maturity, "family" becomes who you bring into this world, and you need to do what's best for THEM. It sucks, but that's life. For many of us, the departure will only be temporary anyway. My parents already know that I'm probably leaving, but they're thinking about leaving too and, depending on where I go, they might follow me down.
Moving somehere like Delaware, which is only three hours away (2.5 at night), still enables you to come up for birthday parties, and other events. To be honest, I don't see my family up here too often anyway-- we're all on different schedules grinding with our different jobs. It actually makes visiting more special because the whole weekend is set aside to spend time with them.
There are some challenges, though. If you're new to an area, it must be hard to find babysitting on short notice, or somebody to pick up the kids from school when you get a flat tire. In the end, you have to do what's best for YOU.
And one of the main reasons why I want to stay near family is so that I have someone to provide babysitting for an hour or two or to pick up the kids from school when I have a flat tire.
Quote:
Dude, I know you can do it-- go over it with your wife and put together a five and ten year plan for where you want to be (be it Long Island, or elsewhere). You're an MIT grad, I know you're smart and can come up with a pragmatic plan to thrive wherever you are. Maybe the answer is changing fields, look and see what people in your field often switch into- you may be surprised. I'd bet that's even more productive than some of your posts on these boards
What field can I switch to where I can make more money and have more job security, and be able to work on Long Island (and not commute to the city; that would completely defeat the purpose) with my civil engineering degree, and not have to start at an entry level salary (that too would defeat the purpose). Honestly, nothing, which is why I feel it is best for me to stay where I am and just do whatever it takes to keep my job. If I do lose this job, then it's time to look for the least of all evils, whether it is relocating and abandoning my family, commuting to the city and not even having time for my immediate family, moving to the South Bronx, etc. But I haven't gotten to that point yet.
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Am I the only person on this board who cares about family values?
