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DH and I moved to Cary 3.5 weeks ago. Too soon to give an opinion. But here are some noteworthy points.
Do a lot of research, but when you narrow down you choices, make sure you go see the place, more than once. Go different times of the year if possible. Research taxes, utilities, schools, DMV fees, groceries, etc. Not just home prices. I was pretty surprised at some things that are more $ here than on LI. There is 2% tax on groceries, you have to pay an annual vehicle property tax based on your cars value - this is a brand new law and it stinks! we're going to have to pay nearly $300 for both our cars just for the privilege of having NC plates.
I also grossly underestimated how much I would miss my friends and family. I am really homesick And it's REALLY freakin hot here! I feel like I am living in an oven. Yes we have central air, everyone does. But I don't even feel like leaving the house.
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It has been crazy hot here this week. I hope you didn't come last summer because it never even reached 97 last summer and it's been hotter than that all week. It's only June The sun is stronger too. Last summer was an anomaly and I bet a lot of people came here and thought "this isn't so bad". It is the southeast US and nearly as sub-tropical as FL.
If and when you ever buy a car here, you won't pay tax at the time of purchase. The tax when you move is unfair and to me represents double taxation but I don't have time to throw tea in the harbor about it. When you buy a car it works out better because you pay on the depreciated value every year, and you'll pay less over the course of owning the car and you won't pay it as part of the financing too.
Missing friends and family sucks. Feel for ya there - I didn't have to deal with that with the family and I made friends pretty quick - easier when you have kids.
If you aren't tied to an area because of your job I'm not sure why you chose Cary out of all the places in the Triangle - I love living here but wouldn't choose it if I didn't have kids. I would live in Durham or maybe certain parts of Raleigh. I would never live in Chapel Hill, I don't care how much "character" it has. But you might love it.
Good luck. Hope you adjust or find another happy place!
It has been crazy hot here this week. I hope you didn't come last summer because it never even reached 97 last summer and it's been hotter than that all week. It's only June The sun is stronger too. Last summer was an anomaly and I bet a lot of people came here and thought "this isn't so bad". It is the southeast US and nearly as sub-tropical as FL.
If and when you ever buy a car here, you won't pay tax at the time of purchase. The tax when you move is unfair and to me represents double taxation but I don't have time to throw tea in the harbor about it. When you buy a car it works out better because you pay on the depreciated value every year, and you'll pay less over the course of owning the car and you won't pay it as part of the financing too.
Missing friends and family sucks. Feel for ya there - I didn't have to deal with that with the family and I made friends pretty quick - easier when you have kids.
If you aren't tied to an area because of your job I'm not sure why you chose Cary out of all the places in the Triangle - I love living here but wouldn't choose it if I didn't have kids. I would live in Durham or maybe certain parts of Raleigh. I would never live in Chapel Hill, I don't care how much "character" it has. But you might love it.
Good luck. Hope you adjust or find another happy place!
We chose Cary because it's beautiful. Also liked the proximity to RTP, I am in the tech industry and if I ever want to look for a new job, I figured it would be convenient living near there.
I've heard mixed reviews on both Raleigh and Durham, but maybe Apex would have been a better choice.
I didn't leave NY because I "WANTED" to, I felt pushed out. Maybe that's why I am not excited as most people are when they move to a new area. My husband never liked NY. Never saw it's value (he's obviously not from NY originally). He pushed for the move, it took me a long, LONG time to get here. Now that I am here, I have regrets. I am starting to wonder if I should have given PA, NH and MA consideration. At least the climate wouldn't be such a shock - and they're more drive-able to LI. The drive from NC to NY is BRUTAL!!! Just brutal.
Like I said I'm happy to have the debate over prices and jobs, but that wasn't why I jumped in on this thread. It was the church and glacial pace generalizations that are flat out wrong, which caused me to reply.
Well, I am truly sorry that my numerous and long term personal experiences don't validate your particular worldview, but I stand by the experiences *I* have been through, which of course was the point of the OP, personal experiences.
No, I have not been in South-lite, or whatever it is you call it, or wait, maybe I have!!!! I distinctly remember quite a few years back as a very young and attractive Grilba I drove to Florida with a Black man. On the way we got off the interstate in the Carolinas. A very kindly sheriff who clearly did not want trouble stated "you folks must be lost" and directed us to the nearest expressway out of town.
And also, while I can somewhat tolerate the religious proselytizing, I cannot tolerate the legislation these people DO cause to happen, yes in the states *I* lived in, of course your wonderful area would never do such things...
We chose Cary because it's beautiful. Also liked the proximity to RTP, I am in the tech industry and if I ever want to look for a new job, I figured it would be convenient living near there.
I've heard mixed reviews on both Raleigh and Durham, but maybe Apex would have been a better choice.
I didn't leave NY because I "WANTED" to, I felt pushed out. Maybe that's why I am not excited as most people are when they move to a new area. My husband never liked NY. Never saw it's value (he's obviously not from NY originally). He pushed for the move, it took me a long, LONG time to get here. Now that I am here, I have regrets. I am starting to wonder if I should have given PA, NH and MA consideration. At least the climate wouldn't be such a shock - and they're more drive-able to LI. The drive from NC to NY is BRUTAL!!! Just brutal.
Thanks for your advice and well wishes.
We originally considered PA as well. Then my whole family up and moved to NC so it seemed silly to go to PA. But I've always loved Bucks and Chester Counties and they are very close to LI. You couldn't pay me to go north of that area. I'm done with winter, and New England's are never good. I'm from LI and am like your husband - never wanted to live out my life there.
You say you chose Cary because it's beautiful, but then you said it was "Stepford" on another thread. That's why I was thinking Durham might be a better fit - more of a vibe that might suit you. Apex is pretty much no different than Cary, nor Holly Springs, nor Wake Forest...
When relocating, especially for financial reasons, I think it is good to research many different areas to see what is the best fit. There are places in this country I KNOW I could never live, without even visiting. It especially sucks when you feel "pushed out". But I'm a big believer in giving a place a chance, if only so you can say that you did and not deal with "I told you so" - you can always say it was an adventure rather than an attempt at a relocation! Just keep in mind with no kids yet and no real ties, if it doesn't work out it is not the end of the world. At least you tried.
We originally considered PA as well. Then my whole family up and moved to NC so it seemed silly to go to PA. But I've always loved Bucks and Chester Counties and they are very close to LI. You couldn't pay me to go north of that area. I'm done with winter, and New England's are never good. I'm from LI and am like your husband - never wanted to live out my life there.
You say you chose Cary because it's beautiful, but then you said it was "Stepford" on another thread. That's why I was thinking Durham might be a better fit - more of a vibe that might suit you. Apex is pretty much no different than Cary, nor Holly Springs, nor Wake Forest...
When relocating, especially for financial reasons, I think it is good to research many different areas to see what is the best fit. There are places in this country I KNOW I could never live, without even visiting. It especially sucks when you feel "pushed out". But I'm a big believer in giving a place a chance, if only so you can say that you did and not deal with "I told you so" - you can always say it was an adventure rather than an attempt at a relocation! Just keep in mind with no kids yet and no real ties, if it doesn't work out it is not the end of the world. At least you tried.
If my whole family upped and moved here, well, that's the dream! Lucky you.
You know how it is when you visit a place, even 3 times like we did, and you fall for it based on looks. But then when you actually live there, you start noticing things like - everything looks the same. There's no history, no character. There is also no trash on the side of the roads, and everything really is very well cared for in Cary. This is why I am thankful we're renting first - so we can get a feel for Cary and surrounding areas. Apex is much more appealing to me now than it was when we visited. Even though the quaint downtown area is only 1 block, it's something.
Re: New England and winters, I honestly think that I could better tolerate a cold winter's day over 100 degree heat. I realize that's not the trend for most people.
BTW - any tips on how to deal with a super annoying mockingbird from hell??? He is so darn loud and squawks all day long, sometimes at night too. I want to snap his little neck! LOL (j/k)
If my whole family upped and moved here, well, that's the dream! Lucky you.
You know how it is when you visit a place, even 3 times like we did, and you fall for it based on looks. But then when you actually live there, you start noticing things like - everything looks the same. There's no history, no character. There is also no trash on the side of the roads, and everything really is very well cared for in Cary. This is why I am thankful we're renting first - so we can get a feel for Cary and surrounding areas. Apex is much more appealing to me now than it was when we visited. Even though the quaint downtown area is only 1 block, it's something.
Re: New England and winters, I honestly think that I could better tolerate a cold winter's day over 100 degree heat. I realize that's not the trend for most people.
BTW - any tips on how to deal with a super annoying mockingbird from hell??? He is so darn loud and squawks all day long, sometimes at night too. I want to snap his little neck! LOL (j/k)
I saw the mockingbird thread, LOL. I have no advice as I've been plagued by birds every since we bought our first home on LI in 1997. I would like to snap their little necks too, but maybe we should keep that discussion off the boards, LOL.
I would encourage you to get out and explore on the weekends. There actually is a lot of history here, even in Cary, which was settled a long time ago. But it doesn't have to be all about Cary. Personally, although I live in West Cary, I really like the more central part of Cary (around Kildaire Farm Road and Tryon Road) - it reminds me of Nassau County (which is why I didn't want to live there, LOL) but it's more like what you're used to probably. Apex's downtown is small, but it's very busy which I think is great for the town.
One thing I read when I was moving was "try to find one nice thing to say about where you moved every day". I thought that was great advice, although I didn't really need it, but when you move with kids (who are always reluctant to move) it's good advice. I would also say, even if you don't plan on staying more than a year, try to invest yourself in the area a bit. I spent the first weeks here doing things like getting library cards (we practically lived at the library in NY), signing up the kids for religious ed (they were thrilled ha ha - but it was the continuity that counted)....things like that. There are some active meetup groups here too. Also if you want to get out of your apartment but still be in AC, check out the science and history museums in Raleigh - they are both free. You can also tour the capitol (free) - these are things I do in summer with the kids when it's just too hot and we are sick of the house. There are some really good restaurants in Raleigh too - Sitti, Gravy, Boku - all on the same stretch of S. Wilmington Street. Take in a Durham Bulls game - minor league baseball is way more fun than major league. I mean where else can you stand on line for a beer and hotdog before the game and actually have the players on line with you?! Tons of places to eat in Durham too - check out the American Tobacco Campus, it's right next to the ballpark.
Give it a year and if you move on, at least then you can say "hey, I tried. I did something new and now I know what I REALLY want". I think homesickness can make you think things are worse than they are - and if fall into the trap of constantly saying "this or that was so much better where I'm from" - you create a mindset where you can't be happy. I'm not trying to talk you into liking it here - but it's easier to try to be happy if you're here for a year. Also, you did a nice thing for husband by compromising and you should do a nice thing for yourself by seeking out what makes you happy even in the short term. If you could get someone in your family to come visit, I bet you'd feel better (I'd advise not going back to LI just yet, just like you wouldn't let a homesick college student come home lest you never get them back to college!). When someone visits you, you're more apt to want to show them the great things about where you live.
And by the way don't be surprised if all those people whose family says they will NEVER EVER move suddenly get the same idea as you. I know a ton of transplants down here who have at least one family member and most have more than that - even if not here in Cary, at least somewhat close by. One of my friends moved here with her then-boyfriend right after she graduated from college. Their families laughed and said "see you next week". Guess who has been here 20 years and whose family on both sides have followed them down here (from Nassau County BTW).
This summer looks like it's going to be sucky but the fall here is spectacular. I hope it comes fast!
I saw the mockingbird thread, LOL. I have no advice as I've been plagued by birds every since we bought our first home on LI in 1997. I would like to snap their little necks too, but maybe we should keep that discussion off the boards, LOL.
I would encourage you to get out and explore on the weekends. There actually is a lot of history here, even in Cary, which was settled a long time ago. But it doesn't have to be all about Cary. Personally, although I live in West Cary, I really like the more central part of Cary (around Kildaire Farm Road and Tryon Road) - it reminds me of Nassau County (which is why I didn't want to live there, LOL) but it's more like what you're used to probably. Apex's downtown is small, but it's very busy which I think is great for the town.
One thing I read when I was moving was "try to find one nice thing to say about where you moved every day". I thought that was great advice, although I didn't really need it, but when you move with kids (who are always reluctant to move) it's good advice. I would also say, even if you don't plan on staying more than a year, try to invest yourself in the area a bit. I spent the first weeks here doing things like getting library cards (we practically lived at the library in NY), signing up the kids for religious ed (they were thrilled ha ha - but it was the continuity that counted)....things like that. There are some active meetup groups here too.
Give it a year and if you move on, at least then you can say "hey, I tried. I did something new and now I know what I REALLY want".
And by the way don't be surprised if all those people whose family says they will NEVER EVER move suddenly get the same idea as you. I know a ton of transplants down here who have at least one family member and most have more than that - even if not here in Cary, at least somewhat close by. One of my friends moved here with her then-boyfriend right after she graduated from college. Their families laughed and said "see you next week". Guess who has been here 20 years and whose family on both sides have followed them down here (from Nassau County BTW).
I don't think ANY part of Cary reminds me of Nassau!! Wow - it's amazing how 2 people can see the same thing so differently. My parents live in Nassau and I was there every weekend up until 4 weeks ago.
We also live in West Cary - but actually wanted to live near Tryon / Walnut - near Crossroads. We chose West Cary b/c we were able to get a MUCH bigger and nicer place for just a little more $ a month than the communities in the other area. It's kind of a PIA to drive so far to go to BJ's, Sweet Tomatoes, Crossroads, Trader Joe's - but it's not the end of the world.
I have never lived more than 1/2 an hour away from family before. So this is really tough for me. We signed a year lease - so we'll see what happens. As for people moving here - no chance. My folks are tried and true NYers. They go into the city a lot, their house has been paid off for decades. All they need to worry about are the taxes and utilities. They are fortunate to be financially sound. (Thank God!). My Mom absolutely HATES the summer, she would never agree to move to a hotter climate. I need to come to terms with the fact that they will never move.
You'll find your way. I can't STAND Crossroads, and neither can anyone I know, no matter how long they've lived here, LOL. Talk about being like Nassau County - I think the evil designers of Roosevel Field had a hand in that place! I actually go to the BJ's in Brier Creek - it's no different mileage wise and the ride it much prettier (out Aviation Parkway). If you think driving to those places is bad, imagine being one of the original settlers. One of my friends is old school Italian from Brooklyn and moved here 20 years ago. Stone Creek and Cornerstone did not exist - the only Target was the one by Crossroads and the closest grocery was on Cary Parkway at Old Apex Road! Talk about culture shock. I'm not sure I could've done that!
My parents are financially sound too but on principal my dad couldn't handle paying $10K a year in taxes anymore (the irony is that he is now surrounded by retired Suffolk civil servants who constantly brag about their pensions, LOL).
You'll find your way. I can't STAND Crossroads, and neither can anyone I know, no matter how long they've lived here, LOL. Talk about being like Nassau County - I think the evil designers of Roosevel Field had a hand in that place! I actually go to the BJ's in Brier Creek - it's no different mileage wise and the ride it much prettier (out Aviation Parkway). If you think driving to those places is bad, imagine being one of the original settlers. One of my friends is old school Italian from Brooklyn and moved here 20 years ago. Stone Creek and Cornerstone did not exist - the only Target was the one by Crossroads and the closest grocery was on Cary Parkway at Old Apex Road! Talk about culture shock. I'm not sure I could've done that!
My parents are financially sound too but on principal my dad couldn't handle paying $10K a year in taxes anymore (the irony is that he is now surrounded by retired Suffolk civil servants who constantly brag about their pensions, LOL).
ahh yes - to be a public "servant" on LI is akin to hitting the lottery - ironically, that is why your Dad is here, he was tired of paying their pensions. Now they're his neighbors LOL.
Speaking of which, a friend of mine moved from LI to Austin, TX last year. Her DH took an early retirement from NCPD, she works from home, also in the tech field... long story short, they bought a $625K house that is to die for. MUST BE NICE right?
I had to laugh when you compared Crossroads to Roosevelt field.. okay you got me there! It is confusing as heck and pretty crowded. Maybe that's why I like it.
BTW I have been to the BJ's in Brier Creek - it is much closer than on Walnut. But we seem to always find ourselves in the Crossroads area.
BTW - what is the DEAL with I-540 and the tolls?? Can I use my EZ Pass? since I too live in West Cary, I have been avoiding the toll road because I can't for life of me figure out how much it costs! I went on the website for the Quick Pass and it says that you can use EZ Pass - but I cannot figure out how much it costs - and if its worth it to pay a toll or take the back roads. Any insight?
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And it's REALLY freakin hot here! I feel like I am living in an oven. Yes we have central air, everyone does. But I don't even feel like leaving the house. 
The sun is stronger too. Last summer was an anomaly and I bet a lot of people came here and thought "this isn't so bad". It is the southeast US and nearly as sub-tropical as FL.
