Help my daughters education is a mess! (Seaford: house, school districts)

[bellasmom007]

Here's our situation. We have a 7 yr old daughter who has been receiving services since she was 19 months old. Didn't walk till late, never rolled over no speech. Got EI in home at 19 months. At age 2 went to little village. Then came the transition from cspe to cse. My daughter upon entering kindergarten wasn't potty trained and limited verbally. I wanted to hold her back a year and not start kinder in east meadow. I was told they have the final say and I cannot do that and if I did not enroll her in kinder that she would lose all services. So we listened to east meadow. Daughter started ritalin and speech finally came out. she was placed in a 12:1:1 class and severely behind. finally potty trained towards the end of kinder (no accidents at night ever, just when she was good and ready). Educationally she was severely behind.

So we have her annual meeting for 1st grade. Again I stated I wanted to hold her back a year. Again we were told east meadow has the final say in her education, we can disagree but they are going to do what they want to do anyway and she had to go onto 2nd grade. Now she was still in a 12:1:1 with k-1 students. She started making some progress. More in math, and little in reading. I felt comfortable with the program and looked forward to my daughter remaining in east meadow.

Since my child had made a lot of gains I demanded the the tri-annual be done about 7 months early. Before the annual cse meeting. Bad, bad idea. her iq actually went down to a 61! It went down from 2 1/2 years earlier, yet she was progressing! that didn't make sense to me. So hubby and I had a meeting with Moderator cut: name removed from Meadowbrook Elementary which holds the k-3 program. She stated "If the results were any different we would be talking about alternative placement. I don't see any reason why that would happen. She will remain in district." Hubby and I were happy with that and waited till the following week for our CSE.

The following week we had the CSE meeting and it was chaired by Moderator cut: please do not include names in this type of post the asst super of sped in east meadow. She stated "I went over the results and Maria will have to go out of district." To say I wanted to flip a table is an understatement. I was totally stunned. I asked "What transpired in a week to change what hubby and I were told?" Seriously, one school personall tells me one thing and then we are told something completely different the following week. Mrs. Betz stated her decision is final and I have to follow what the district recommends. There was no way for me to argue this.

So after that I told the super of sped Dr. Moderator cut: name that I despised Moderator cut: name removed , never wanted to deal with her again. Didn't trust her. Didn't trust the district at this point due to the two different conclusions of my childs tri-annual. So he forced me to look at a program in Seaford. and here's where it gets ugly.

So I go with Moderator cut: name removed to the program in Seaford. Many of the kids are below my daughters level. I told him that I didn't like it. He said it was the very best east meadow could do short of a BOCES program or more restrictive environment and no, I cannot fight to have my child back in district. This and more restrictive schools were my only choice I had to take it. "TRUST ME" he said.

So my daughter started the summer program there. Didn't like it. then she started in September. And thats when the problems really began.

My child kept coming home stating that a boy was hurting her. She came home with bruises and scratches and band aides. No one called me, no one wrote in the communication notebook. Nothing. I made call after call after call. No response from Seaford. We had a family situation at home that I needed to speak with the school phsychologist about to see if possibly my daughter could talk to her and not once did the school phsychologist in Seaford Manor ever return my calls. I was told by my district that everything first has to go through east meadow and they called seaford manor and were surprised no one called me back.

So then my daughter didn't want to wear pants. It started getting cold. finally got pants on her after many issues, but they were on her. I was demanded by Seaford Manor to put pants on my daughter because she had transition issues and would lay down on the floor showing her panties. Yes I have some skirts with shorts attached and used those frequeently. However Seaford manor stated they wanted pants on my child. And then now for the horrible part.

My daughter starts coming home with her pants changed, no note, call etc from east meadow or seaford. Just pants in the backpack with holes in the crotch only. I now have 9 pairs of pants and 5 pairs of panties with holes in the crotch. No holes in shirts, jackets, skirts etc. Just the pants and panties. 9 times my daughter went to the nurse to be changed and no one ever called or anything!

So after a few pairs like 3 I started calling the school to see whats up. No return phone calls. Wrote in the communication notebook. No response until 11/21/14. They said I "sent" my child to school with a hole in the crotch! Yeah thats after 5 phone calls, 2 e-mails to the teacher and 3 write ups in the communication notebook. WTF??? Wait it gets worse.

so the weekend before thanksgiving after 11/21/14 my fathers dog dies. My father is starting with dementia and lives on his own. Had an issue that I had hubby take care of with that. So on monday morning the week of thanksgiving our family trainer comes over and my daughter tells her the gory story (my father fell on the dog killing it and didn't think it was dead and kept it in the house for 2 days until hubby was able to remove it from the house. I didn't want to see it and wouldn't allow my child on the property after I heard this. So neither her nor I saw the poor dog, but we were upset nonetheless). then she gets on the bus and tells the bus driver. Apparently it's a big deal for my daughter. And the dog went to sleep and went to heaven is what we are telling her. But she heard us discussing the situation so I'm like "geez now I have to tell the school, this is what happened, this is what my daughter overheard and she didn't see anything". I didn't have time to write it in the notebook.

So I called seaford manor that monday morning. Again about the pants and about what my daughter is saying about the dog. I was told I have to call east meadow. I call east meadow. My liason is not there and was told to call seaford manor back. Call back seaford manor. I'm in a state at this point. I'm on the pohne with my fathers brother and trying to get ahold of my fathers doctor. My father fell and couldn't breathe well and had 2 black eyes and I'm furious about the dementia and he needs to be in a facility (I'm an only child and my mother passed away last year). And I'm dealing with my daughters issues as well. So I'm clearly upset about several things.

So I call the school back and beg to let them to let me speak with the school social worker or phchologist about the dog and pants. Again nope they refuse to talk to you. So I said "Ok then I'm pulling my child out since this isn't going to work. I'm trying to let you know of a couple of situations, how they are being handled and you are refusing to talk to the parent". I was told that I could not pull my child out of the program.

So I drive to Seaford Manor, now I'm pissed. I have to deal with my fathers issues and now I have to deal with my daughters as well.

So I get up to the school, east meadow calls. I told them off. I said whats the deal with no communication and the pants? Please tell me. They said they were never notified about the pants.

I meet with the school phsychologist and told her about the dog issue. I'm upset, it was my dog originaly and now my dad killed it accidentally and hurt himself and he came home a few months earlier from a nursing home but is sliding again and we may have to put him back in and it's all on me as I'm his next of kin and now the pants issue with my daughter. Lot to deal with at 10 am.

I show the school phsychologist 2 pairs of the 9 pairs of pants with holes in the crotch. No one ever told her. Nobody saw anything was her response. I said "Liar, how do I know? 9 times someone saw a hole in the crotch of her pants and made my daughter change her pants!". So I started asking questions half the class is non-verbal could it be my daughter saw another child hold their crotch cuz they have to go pee? Nope. Could it be that the boys are grabbing their junk? Nope. did another child have a hole in their clothing and got out of class and my child saw this and thought hmmm great way to get out of class? Every day? Nope. So then I said you are a liar, know how I know? Cuz all men and boys grab their junk. Boys do it when they have to pee and I expect that from a non-verbal child. Duh that would make total sense. And I would be cool with that.

Then I had to ask the big question. Could someone have touched my daughter. Another student or maybe staff? And she says of course not. I said it wouldn't be the first time a sped child was abused. And some of these kids don't have the ability to not touch each other. It could have been as innocent as you show me yours and i'll show you mine. I would be fine with that do as kids are curious and we have to respect that as well. She was astonished and said that would never happen. Yeah ok. It never happened in all of mankind. The holes in my daughters crotch appeared magically or by my child.

So then I ask, if she kept doing it after the 2nd or 3rd time you should have seen a pattern why wasn't I notified? No answer. none whatsowever. Angry I took my daughter home and said I have to talk to my district. Something just didn't feel right about the situation.

The next day I have a parent teacher conference. I was told that my daughter refused to use the bathroom in the classroom and never went in school. I said that was odd, she loves public bathrooms and always used it in her old school. But she did say a boy follows her into the bathroom. The teacher said that never happens there is enough people in the class. I said ok sure what about the holes in the crotch of her pants? the teacher then tells me that she saw one time my daughter taking a pen to her crotch and manipulating herself and making a hole. I asked how come I didn't get a call immediately and how come cps wasn't called? No answer.

I go home and cps shows up. I'm mentally unstable and my daughter smells. So I showed them the pants, the communication notebook showing I contacted the school. My iphone showing I called the school and asked if she wanted to see the e-mails of me contacting the school. the caseworker just stood there dumfounded. She didn't know how to handle this. The cps caseworker contacted our social worker and our social worker said I had been discussing this with her for several weeks and I did as I was told. CPS then told the school district and my social worker she doesn't know what to do about this and was satisfied that we have the support we need and that there was something not right with the school not reporting the pants. Now cps is not returning calls to the school district (2 times) my daughters doc (6 times) I called her (1) time.

It's not over yet. The monday after thanksgiving hubby and I go to the school. Long story short, we have an emergency CSE meeting. Hubby and I both stated that we demand a meeting asap as there may be an issue of possible molestation. My daughter was telling us one second a boy touched her, a boy followed her into the bathroom and then the next she ripped the hole in her pants. We don't know what to think but we only wanted the issue addressed with the pants.

I bring the 9 pants and 5 panteis. While waiting for the meeting to start we get a call from an agency about home instruction. We said we didn't agree to that and knew nothing about that. Our district had called in advance without our knowledge and consent and placed our child on home instruction.

then the meeting starts I showed everyone the pants and panties. And the report from the er showing that the doc requested more supervision and a reason why there are holes in the crotch (Had my daughter examined and the doc said she possibly was groped maybe one time and could be innocent but that could be enough for her to start ripping holes in her crotch). The teacher tells everyone that the aides see this, she is not always in the class and they don't always tell her anything. I yell at the school pshychologist and say "You failed to do your job. When this became a pattern on the 2nd or 3rd day you should have called me as this is distrubing and came up with a plan to get my daughter to stop doing this. You never contacted me or my school district".

So Moderator cut: please omit names and titles says "we are going to sever our ties with you and your child becasue "we don't want to accept responsibility for this". Thats after he saw the clothing which he didn't want to see and I made damn sure everyone saw all the clothing!

So now my daughter is on home instruction. And my district puts in to some schools. Both contacted seaford and was told that we made "accusation" and didn't want my child in their program. Yes my district said this.

Now my district said they are going to try to put her in any old program that will take her.

My child never made holes in any of her clothing at home. Doesn't do it during 1 to 1 instruction. No one has answers and now we may have another district badmouthing us and our child potentially making it hard for her to get any free and appropriate education.


the only good thing coming from this is that we are getting the district to pay for a neurophsychological which they didn't want to do. And thats starts the 2nd week in january. When the reports are done and cse meeting we probably won't have any answers till the end of January beginning of february.

In the meantime my daughter gets 1 hour a day 5 days a week of home instruction. it's before the christmas break so not much finding a school is being done. And we are at our wits end.

Called the li advocacy center and they don't have funding or advocates. don't have money for legal counsel. And we need help.

I was told that I should just homeschool her and she will never go back into district.

Please someone help us!

Moderator cut: Please do not include the names of people you are dealing with in your posts. I had considered removing this whole post, but I understand that the parent is truly in need of advice so I left it in . Thanks

[Zytos]

I was going to say get a lawyer; then I read the third-to-last sentence. Maybe try some other pro bono organizations.

[mistym]

Try the media or the state dept of education....just my 2 cents.

[kokonutty]

You have problems with your daughter and her education program but you're not helping the situation by calling people "liars" if they can't possibly have direct knowledge of what is going on. You need to put all the other things in your life that are affecting your emotions aside and deal with this situation in a businesslike fashion. No name calling, no shouting just consistent pressure on those involved. Find one person out of this mess that you trust and use them to help you find the answers you need. Continue to document all communications and stay calm lest you be targeted as the root of the problem.

[RonkonkomaNative]

Start a paper trail. Keep a notebook of every contact. Neuropsych testing will give lots of information. Breathe. NYS must educate your child. Under no circumstance are you expected to home school her. If you can put aside your emotional response to these people, you can be your daughters best advocate. You are her best advocate.

I hope everything works out for you. You sound like an awesome Mom.

[lubby]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine. I say go to the media as well, document everything, save emails and texts, maybe even secretly record your next meeting with the schools or record the phone conversations you have. The more ammo you have the better for you. Good luck and keep us posted. Your child deserves the same services as every other child with disabilities. Keep fighting. How about contacting Americans with disabilities??

[Coney]

Did you speak with the SEPTA rep at either of these 2 school districts?

I do believe that the districts record the CSE meetings and there should be a parent rep at these meetings.

Please don't sign anything that you do not agree with.

[TLSJ]

Call NY Special Education Quality Assurance 631-952-3352 they will connect you to your regional representative. They know what all the special ed laws are and can tell you your rights as a parent. They also give advice. It is free.