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Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California ,
Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan ,
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial
to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New
California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay
their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you
need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they
don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming
home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up,
but we're ! not wil ling to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all
cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans
(thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus
Stanford, Cal Tech, UCLA, Berkeley and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88%
of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of
all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing
the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only
a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher
morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico .
You can keep your beaches, I'd like my freedom back.
I'd also like my God to stay on my money and in MY National Anthem.
I also would like to be able to call things as they are and not face reprisals.
Oh yeah, I also like my babies ALIVE.
Then you should ask them to repeal the Patriot Act ...kidding. I remember in the 70's/80's there was none of this red/blue talk, just US talk. That is what is most important. Things have gotten very divisive in recent years. Hopefully there is less of that going forward. We'll just have to wait and see.
Funny how those red states of N. Carolina, S. Carolina, Texas, and Utah have been among the most forward thinking in the tech sector, research and development, biotech, energy, etc. and that their economies have created more new jobs than many blue states combined. I wonder why that is?
The blue states can burn in hell for all I care. Its funny how sacred life is in war, but not in the womb and how the left shows more mercy to killers facing just capital punishment than for innocent defenseless unborn children. Hollywood decries guns and the ownership thereof but yet their movies are saturated with wanton mindless graphic violence and the same stars who are so anit NRA are making a good living blowing people away left and right. Its funny how idiots can believe that we are just a bag of chemicals that just magically evolved from some primordial soup and that the universe just came from nowhere and nothing. There is such a thing as micro evolution but macro evolution is more science fiction than science. It takes more faith to believe in atheism than to have the more rational and plausible belief that there is a Creator God. You cant actually believe that this is just some big cosmic accident. That's comical. Only a fool or a devil or one who lives like one does not believe or want to believe or worship God. There is no ultimate purpose or meaning of your existence and no truth but what you want it to be. Here's something the Bible says about the fools who make up the progressive secular heathen godless immoral blue states. "The wisdom(worldly wisdom) of this world is but foolishness to God. Blue states, what is the purpose of life? Run after pleasure and accumulate things and die! Meaningless meaningless meaningless! You are chasing after the wind and one day you will stand before your Maker to be judged if you want to believe it or not. The good news is that this God that so many in "blue states" hate and scoff at sent His Son to die for all our sins, both red and blue. God became a man and died on a cross and gave up his life to redeem us because He loves us. That's the God I believe in. The problem with too many is that they want to be their own god. The funny thing is none of us would even exist in the first place if it wasnt for the Creator. I hope this country remembers what made America great, or should I say "who" made America great and repent of our sins and turn back to God so that He will heal this land. If not then this country is surely doomed and will face the coming judgement of our God which may have already begun. We are living in dangerous times and we are heading down the road to destruction if we dont have a spiritual reawakening.
azzurony, a lot of the growth in tech has been fueled by northerners moving down south. And things are getting a lot more liberal. Look at the vote results in Durham and Wake counties, or Travis County (Austin) in Texas. "Red state"/"blue state" is a huge simplification.
it amazes me how just because a democrat might favor pro choice, no one will even listen to anything else they have to offer. how f$#king stupid can people be? and btw where was "god" helping bush? boy did he do a great job.
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...kidding. I remember in the 70's/80's there was none of this red/blue talk, just US talk. That is what is most important. Things have gotten very divisive in recent years. Hopefully there is less of that going forward. We'll just have to wait and see.
