Divorce Help? (Los Angeles: credit, house, income)

[2mares]

The taking the kids away part isn't good advice. I mean, come on.

I agree with this. Unless your husband has abused the children or you sneaking away is wrong and can be devastating to the kids, not to mention your husband.

Get advice from an attorney. You will most likely be awarded temporary support for the kids and would probably qualify for some assistance. You may also consider letting your husband have primary custody.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Hi...I'd love any help with this.

I am going to file for divorce from my husband. We have two children. One has special needs (autism and intellectual handicap/intellectual delay).

He works, I only work part-time from home and make a few hundred dollars a month. Obviously I will need to get a job. There will be a tough aspect of this as there are few jobs local to me in my former line of work (editing) - those are all in Los Angeles proper, and we can not both commute and be an hour and a half away from the children. This leaves me with administrative assistant type possibilities (I REALLY have to swallow my pride but survival is survival).

So for the hours that I will be at work and the children will be at daycare, apparently, I will be making less than I'm paying in daycare. Sucks but what can one do...I just don't know how else to do this.

Anyway.

I have no clue where to even start. I have no family support here - this is 100% my husband's territory, 2800 miles away from mine; he has the money; he has the support; he has the job. I have...well, just my own guts and my ability to work, for whatever small amount that seems to be worth.

Is it possible to get a lawyer and sue for divorce when you really don't have money? Or, WE have money, together...I guess I would just take that out of the bank before he knows I'm doing this? Should I be keeping it a secret from him? (Our mutual unhappiness is no secret, he just feels he has ultimate power over me financially and via my isolation and so he doesn't believe I'll actually divorce him. But if he's surprised, that's on him as I have stated VERY CLEARLY that this WILL NOT GO ON any longer.)

How do I begin?

Should I check with the state and see if I can get any aid based on my child having special needs? I hate to do that but it's my husband who wants to stay in expensive Los Angeles - so it's pricey to live here pretty much no matter what. Not my choice, I'm just dealing with it.

Any ideas? Has anyone here been the one to leave, when you were the one who did not have money, and had the children to take care of?

Thanks so much for any help.

So sorry to hear it's come to this JerZ, but I know it's been a long road for you.

I will DM you shortly.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by the minx

Call a lawyer for a consult (free). They can help you 100%.

My only suggestion is to go on a recommendation not just an ad on the net.

I would stop the thread here.

I would also check into free legal aid in your community. I know LA proper has a legal aid society. Cant speak for your specific residence.

[Rakin]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

So sorry to hear it's come to this JerZ, but I know it's been a long road for you. .

I recall some of her ordeals but don't know her situation and her husbands temperament.

The best place to start is to maybe borrow a few hundred and go talk to an attorney on how to proceed.
Maybe she does need to take half the savings and put into a separate account.
If he is abusive and controlling it changes the game.

Legal advice is needed.

[Lilac110]

I'd definitely check with legal aid. Isn't California a community property state? So wouldn't you and your husband have to split everything so that you both come away with equal value, anyway?

California Community Property FAQs.

[TabulaRasa]

As a former Legal Aid employee, my experience is that the family law divisions of Legal Aid foundations do not, as a rule, handle divorces in and of themselves, and the main thrust of their family law services tends to be prioritizing situations where a spouse and/or children is/are experiencing threats to their safety. The Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles has a family law division, but it exists to provide legal advice on issues of child abduction and concealment, sexual assault, child custody and visitation, and domestic violence.

The Legal Aid office I worked for was similar, and while they did not handle divorces, the held free trainings on DIY divorces. One thing most people don't understand about Legal Aid is that it doesn't simply exist to provide pro bono services for anybody needing a lawyer but unable to afford one. It primarily exists to provide emergency assistance for people in some type of danger, be it domestic abuse, having things like Medicaid erroneously discontinued when in medical need, incorrect Social Security Disability payments that put disabled people at risk of homelessness or illness, etc. The first priority in Legal Aid in taking on a particular type of case (after determining if guidelines for low income are met) is if there is an immediate threat to safety and well being. Those will always be highest priority. "I can't afford an attorney," by itself, is typically insufficient to meet Legal Aid's priorities...but they CAN offer resources and information regarding options.

[1986pacecar]

Consult a lawyer before you do anything.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

As a former Legal Aid employee, my experience is that the family law divisions of Legal Aid foundations do not, as a rule, handle divorces in and of themselves, and the main thrust of their family law services tends to be prioritizing situations where a spouse and/or children is/are experiencing threats to their safety. The Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles has a family law division, but it exists to provide legal advice on issues of child abduction and concealment, sexual assault, child custody and visitation, and domestic violence.

The Legal Aid office I worked for was similar, and while they did not handle divorces, the held free trainings on DIY divorces. One thing most people don't understand about Legal Aid is that it doesn't simply exist to provide pro bono services for anybody needing a lawyer but unable to afford one. It primarily exists to provide emergency assistance for people in some type of danger, be it domestic abuse, having things like Medicaid erroneously discontinued when in medical need, incorrect Social Security Disability payments that put disabled people at risk of homelessness or illness, etc. The first priority in Legal Aid in taking on a particular type of case (after determining if guidelines for low income are met) is if there is an immediate threat to safety and well being. Those will always be highest priority. "I can't afford an attorney," by itself, is typically insufficient to meet Legal Aid's priorities...but they CAN offer resources and information regarding options.

Excellent post with great info

JerZ needs a lawyer, and yes, her husband will have to pay for that lawyer out of joint funds whether he likes it or not.

[JerZ]

Hi, everyone, and thank you for all the advice.

I don't want to be too public about what I plan to do from here on out as my husband "stalks" my messages sometimes, though I don't know if he knows I still go on CD. I delete all my notifications immediately after I receive them so he isn't seeing them in my gmail inbox.

So I will keep that on the DL but I wanted to thank you all tremendously for the ideas.

And no, I definitely don't plan on taking my children away from him, for those wondering.

[JerZ]

Here's a question though. Can just one partner freeze assets on an account if s/he is suspicious of something?