Why is Arcadia, CA so unfriendly? (Los Angeles, San Diego: appointed, rent, daycare)

[saimamom]

My husband, four kids and I moved to Arcadia five months ago (job). We rented here because the move was so hurried and we had to get the kids registered in public schools. We initially tried to get the two older kids in Pasadena private schools so we could rent in Pasadena. But it didn't work out and here we are.

Arcadia has a lot of families and plenty of kids. But they never play or go outside. My kids rode their bikes and played outside during the Summer. But they could never find any kids to befriend. It was like the Twilight Zone. When school started, they were disappointed again that many kids didn't have the outgoing and humorous personalities they had hoped. Every kid was hyper focused on being perfect, almost robotic in their schooling. My kids are A students but I have raised them to have varied interests.

Maybe it's my years in San Francisco that makes me feel out of place here. I'm used to strangers looking me in the eye, smiling and even saying "hello." I'm used to neighbors actually stopping and talking with each other. I'm used to block parties, bbq's, playdates. None of that exists here. My husband and I are now getting ready to move to Pasadena this Summer. We're touring private schools soon. We decided we'll make a sacrifice of buying an older, smaller home so our kids can live a happier life. It's a shame that a cute town like Arcadia probably used to have a strong sense of community in "the good old days." I'm guessing that San Marino is even less friendly and more conservative? Pasadena is more liberal and more diverse?

[majoun]

Originally Posted by saimamom

My husband, four kids and I moved to Arcadia five months ago (job). We rented here because the move was so hurried and we had to get the kids registered in public schools. We initially tried to get the two older kids in Pasadena private schools so we could rent in Pasadena. But it didn't work out and here we are.

Arcadia has a lot of families and plenty of kids. But they never play or go outside. My kids rode their bikes and played outside during the Summer. But they could never find any kids to befriend. It was like the Twilight Zone. When school started, they were disappointed again that many kids didn't have the outgoing and humorous personalities they had hoped. Every kid was hyper focused on being perfect, almost robotic in their schooling. My kids are A students but I have raised them to have varied interests.

Are you Chinese? If not, can you speak Mandarin or Cantonese?

If the answer to these questions is "no", that might explain why Arcadia seems unfriendly.

[majoun]

This should be in the Los Angeles subforum, btw.

[BB_210]

Originally Posted by majoun

Are you Chinese? If not, can you speak Mandarin or Cantonese?

If the answer to these questions is "no", that might explain why Arcadia seems unfriendly.

I agree with this.

[capoeira]

Originally Posted by saimamom

Arcadia has a lot of families and plenty of kids. But they never play or go outside. My kids rode their bikes and played outside during the Summer. But they could never find any kids to befriend. It was like the Twilight Zone.

The Twilight Zone = a "10" rated school district. Those kids are in their Kumon lessons,Chinese language school lessons,music lessons,tennis lessons,swim lessons,art lessons etc. etc. You are in an area that views riding bikes and playing outside as a waste of time.

For public schools I suggest looking researching Claremont.

[CA4Now]

Originally Posted by saimamom

Arcadia has a lot of families and plenty of kids. But they never play or go outside. My kids rode their bikes and played outside during the Summer. But they could never find any kids to befriend. It was like the Twilight Zone.

I think that many communities are like this now (and have been for quite awhile). I grew up in a SG Valley community in which every kid on the block played outside after school and on weekends. Now it seems that they're all in organized sports, classes/tutoring, or daycare. And they were when our kids grew up there as well, a couple of decades ago. I was amazed at the change.

Maybe it's my years in San Francisco that makes me feel out of place here

You've chosen a very conservative city, probably not that different than your experience in Palos Verdes, from what you mentioned on your other thread.

My husband and I are now getting ready to move to Pasadena this Summer. We're touring private schools soon. We decided we'll make a sacrifice of buying an older, smaller home so our kids can live a happier life.

Parts of Pasadena are very conservative and others are very liberal. Make sure you know the area before you move, so that you won't be disappointed.

[LuvSouthOC]

Originally Posted by majoun

are you chinese? If not, can you speak mandarin or cantonese?

If the answer to these questions is "no", that might explain why arcadia seems unfriendly.

lol ^this.

[LuvSouthOC]

The homes in Arcadia are so very tasteful, not garish in the least.

[RosieSD]

Five months may not be long enough to really judge whether a neighborhood is friendly or not. Have you tried getting involved with the PTA at your kids' schools? Before high school, a lot of my kids' best friendships seemed to stem from me meeting other parents and then us getting the kids together. In a new neighborhood, that might help even more.

That said, in my Southern California area (San Diego), I do notice that there are less kids playing outside after school than there used to be 20 years ago. Partially, it is because more school now seem to have after school child care programs, and maybe part of it is also due to more kids being tethered to smart phones at a younger age. Of course, that wasn't your experience in the Bay area, so maybe this is a Southern California thing?

I don't know that your kids would have had a "friendlier" experience if they'd gotten into the private school you preferred. In my experience, private schools tend to draw kids from a wider geographic area, so that limits playing after school to some extent too.

I hope you start to feel more settled soon!

[SportyandMisty]

Tiger Moms?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle...e_Tiger_Mother