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Old 06-14-2007, 09:20 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,834,930 times
Reputation: 26919

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Hey all. I haven't posted on this particular board in forever!

I initially found CD because I was so homesick. I am from New Jersey. For the past two years I've lived in Southern California. It seemed like a great idea at the time--my husband is from here, my family was getting kind of scattered--but I never counted on this degree of homesickness.

Today is a bad day that way. Very bad. I am so homesick, I'm just about in tears. It's ridiculous for a grown person to be this wimpy but there you have it.

I remember a long time ago, someone told me it takes about two years to assimilate and feel like SoCal is "home". It's now been two years and three months for me and I thought I was doing pretty well with this--definitely making a concerted effort--but all of a sudden it's back. I miss the seasons so badly. And the people are just really different. I just don't fit in...I really don't.

I should be grateful. I live in a lovely town (near San Dimas) and there's a good school system. I know it's pretty, I know this. I can look around and see it. It's pretty but it's not home. Period. Will this ever pass? Anyone else been through this? Experiences?

Last edited by JerZ; 06-14-2007 at 09:20 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 06-15-2007, 01:53 AM
 
28 posts, read 139,653 times
Reputation: 23
I moved from Boston to LA about 2 months ago and absolutely love it. It does not feel like home by any means and I never thought I would miss the variance of East coast whether but I do. That being said I still do very much enjoy it here and would like to stay for awhile. I am a a young male so that may have something to do with it. There is just so much culture and excitement to get wrapped into. I miss my friends and family dearly but I wasn't completely content back East either or I wouldn't have made the move in the first place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Hey all. I haven't posted on this particular board in forever!

I initially found CD because I was so homesick. I am from New Jersey. For the past two years I've lived in Southern California. It seemed like a great idea at the time--my husband is from here, my family was getting kind of scattered--but I never counted on this degree of homesickness.

Today is a bad day that way. Very bad. I am so homesick, I'm just about in tears. It's ridiculous for a grown person to be this wimpy but there you have it.

I remember a long time ago, someone told me it takes about two years to assimilate and feel like SoCal is "home". It's now been two years and three months for me and I thought I was doing pretty well with this--definitely making a concerted effort--but all of a sudden it's back. I miss the seasons so badly. And the people are just really different. I just don't fit in...I really don't.

I should be grateful. I live in a lovely town (near San Dimas) and there's a good school system. I know it's pretty, I know this. I can look around and see it. It's pretty but it's not home. Period. Will this ever pass? Anyone else been through this? Experiences?
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Old 06-15-2007, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Orlando
640 posts, read 3,065,805 times
Reputation: 524
Hey hang in there! I moved from the Philly burbs to Ventura back in 1981 and ended up living in CA for 14 years. The first year or so we decided to move back to PA but then had 2nd thoughts about it. We felt like we weren't there long enough to discover CA and give it a chance. I think when you're born and bred in the East, you will always miss it. Family, seasons, friends. We ended up moving back to PA and it's nice that things never change too much there. I lived there another 10 yrs and after going through a divorce and remarriage, ended up in central FL. I would move back to S. Cal in a heartbeat, I miss the weather and the beauty. We are targeting a move there in the next few years. I'm really over living in the northeast and the cold weather.

Helpful hint.... just take more trips back east, it helps to get it out of your system. The more you do this, the more you get over it. This past Christmas we went up to Philly for a week. It was cold, miserable and downright ugly. We were never so happy to get back to great weather, new roads and nice home.

Also remember to "bloom where you are planted". Don't dwell and get yourself worked up over this because it can really cause problems in a marriage. Nothing is forever, just enjoy the moment and make the very best of your situation.
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:04 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,834,930 times
Reputation: 26919
Thanks to both of you.

I've been giving this some serious thought and I know if I'm honest with myself, there were things about New Jersey that I didn't like. If I had loved every single part of my life there I would never have moved. Admittedly the winters are very harsh. That's probably the biggest drawback. In Jan.-Feb. there would always be one or two week long snaps here and there that were zero or below zero with the wind chill factor. And it was always scary for me to drive in the snow. A lot of accidents happen that way every year.

Anyway, in thinking about this, what I really miss probably isn't singular to New Jersey. I miss the seasons, oh I miss having seasons horribly. And I miss the types of homes (I don't dig all the one-story Spanish-style homes here...yes, it's pretty architecture with a history...but it does not have a "home-y" feel for me). I miss that neighborhood feel.

I wonder if there might be some other part of the country, that DH and I could settle on, that would offer me those seasons and that neighborhood feel. I know DH loves it here partly because of his family, though they also tend to get on his nerves and he's said more than once that he sometimes misses that "buffer zone" where he didn't have to deal with the family crap every two weeks...you know, all the usual family issues. But...I also thinks he just likes the west in general.

Does anyone have any ideas of a place that might afford me the things I'd love...and if it's within Cali that's fine! I personally haven't found it yet but then again, I've been in the "Cali v. New Jersey" mindset all along.

I'd love any ideas. For the future, of course. But if I knew I could have my seasons back one day it would make things a little easier for me in the interim.
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:38 PM
 
411 posts, read 1,596,749 times
Reputation: 182
JerZ, very smart of you to come to CD and spill it out. This is a great place for feedback.

There is nothing wrong with being homesick. New Jersey has its drawbacks but so does everywhere else. If you guys really want to head back east, go for it. Life is too short to be unhappy where you live.

We moved to Ventura County from the NY area six years ago. My husband has since retired and we now reside in Oregon. Yay, I got my seasons back! They aren't too harsh here either. The trick for me is to go back and visit my sister once a year. We do the NYC thing, go to a Yankee game, US Open Tennis and the beach. I love it. I deplore the humidity.

One thing about New Jersey is that it is a pretty effed-up state (sorry, lol). Recent headlines disclosed the state was bleeding millions of dollars in pensions initially set up to defray costs (earlier retirement was thought to be cheaper in the long run than keeping employees on the payroll). Oops, it didn't work. They are talking about raising taxes. This, in a state with the highest taxes in the US, or at least in the top five. When will this state get its act together?! That would infuriate me.

Try to get back more often. If you still feel that pull then cut your losses and head back. The northeast is the best part of the country to live, IMO, except for the weather.

Good luck and keep us posted! Hug to you.
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Old 06-19-2007, 07:18 PM
 
Location: in a house
5,835 posts, read 5,158,234 times
Reputation: 4890
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Thanks to both of you.

I've been giving this some serious thought and I know if I'm honest with myself, there were things about New Jersey that I didn't like. If I had loved every single part of my life there I would never have moved. Admittedly the winters are very harsh. That's probably the biggest drawback. In Jan.-Feb. there would always be one or two week long snaps here and there that were zero or below zero with the wind chill factor. And it was always scary for me to drive in the snow. A lot of accidents happen that way every year.

Anyway, in thinking about this, what I really miss probably isn't singular to New Jersey. I miss the seasons, oh I miss having seasons horribly. And I miss the types of homes (I don't dig all the one-story Spanish-style homes here...yes, it's pretty architecture with a history...but it does not have a "home-y" feel for me). I miss that neighborhood feel.

I wonder if there might be some other part of the country, that DH and I could settle on, that would offer me those seasons and that neighborhood feel. I know DH loves it here partly because of his family, though they also tend to get on his nerves and he's said more than once that he sometimes misses that "buffer zone" where he didn't have to deal with the family crap every two weeks...you know, all the usual family issues. But...I also thinks he just likes the west in general.

Does anyone have any ideas of a place that might afford me the things I'd love...and if it's within Cali that's fine! I personally haven't found it yet but then again, I've been in the "Cali v. New Jersey" mindset all along.

I'd love any ideas. For the future, of course. But if I knew I could have my seasons back one day it would make things a little easier for me in the interim.
Don't know if your hubby can up and move with his job, but what about Northern California near Sonoma or Mendicino? Even Marin County? Sometimes the feeling that you don't belong can be a mind set, something we talk ourselves into when we have trouble connecting with new people and places. Without realizing it, you could be unconsciously alienating people because you haven't let go of the dream of going back to Jersey and are afraid of commiting to LA. and new friends. It is very hard to live in the present and enjoy where you are if you are always thinking about where you have been. Been there,done that and it can only get better if you look forward and make a plan of what matters most to you and get started. Wish you the best, as always JerZ. Puffle.
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Old 07-01-2007, 05:17 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles, California
2 posts, read 12,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle View Post
Don't know if your hubby can up and move with his job, but what about Northern California near Sonoma or Mendicino? Even Marin County? Sometimes the feeling that you don't belong can be a mind set, something we talk ourselves into when we have trouble connecting with new people and places. Without realizing it, you could be unconsciously alienating people because you haven't let go of the dream of going back to Jersey and are afraid of commiting to LA. and new friends. It is very hard to live in the present and enjoy where you are if you are always thinking about where you have been. Been there,done that and it can only get better if you look forward and make a plan of what matters most to you and get started. Wish you the best, as always JerZ. Puffle.
I grew up in NJ and moved to LA over a year ago. I can say that once the "honeymoon" stage was over and I saw the real LA, it started me thinking. LA is really F*d up, but not more than NJ or any other huge population center. I lived in Hudson county, which is just like LA, but with winter and no palm trees, and better mass transit.

I find that LA can be great if you want it to be. I have tons of people I left behind in NJ, but I took a risk and made a move many of them will never have the guts to do. In that move I gained great perspective and I feel that I have a broader view of things.

Sure, there are things I hate about LA, like "lifted" pickup trucks. Seriously, this is a something I just can't understand, especially with gas prices being so high here. People here also speed and tailgate WAYYYY to much, which really makes me question the collective IQ of this area. And there is scribble on everything you look at.

However, there are palm trees. The people are generally nicer. Even though most people can't drive well here, the majority use their turn signals, and more people here let you in a lane than in NJ.

There are numerous job possibilities here in MANY different industries. We may have more illeagals here, but look how close we are to the border. Go to Union City NJ, you won't hear English there either. People complain about the gangs here, which are many, but drive through Newark or Camden at 3am.

LA doesn't have seasons. New Jersey has seasons, yet much of the year looks like June gloom without vegetation. It's all relative.

If you love NJ and can't stand being away, move back. It's not the worst thing in the world and if it means you will be happy, go for it, no one will think less of you for it.

I have my moods too, when I think LA sucks and I want to move back. But then I usually try to focus on the positives and the opportunity that is here. I also don't mind renting right now with the insane house prices here.

Still though, if I had kids, that LAUSD scares me... There are MANY towns in NJ with GREAT school districts and "affordable" housing.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide on.
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Old 07-01-2007, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
5,861 posts, read 15,175,992 times
Reputation: 6757
I lived in northern NJ and moved to LA. I actually live in Seattle now but when I left NJ I never looked back. I love L.A. I don't mind visiting NJ but have absolutely no desire to ever live there again.
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Old 07-01-2007, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Little Rock, Ar
227 posts, read 725,735 times
Reputation: 108
JerZ, I think I can understand what you're going through in some ways. I left CT 11 years ago for Miami and never looked back (I only really missed the seasons). Then last year my husband and I picked up and went to Argentina for a year where we had our daughter. Now we're in NC (incidentally one place you might want to consider) but wanting to head to California because of his job/business but also because we actually miss teh SPANISH style homes and are now suffering from allergies again, well I am at least and so is our 6 month old, and hubby for the first time in his life since he didn't have them in France.
Anyway, I guess my real point is as many pp's said, you have to really try and see the positives in what you have. Having lived abroad I really knew what it was like to be homesick for the things you knew and missed, but I did find that traveling back definately helped, especially during holidays. But I also learned to try to embrace the "differentness" and try to incorporate it into our lives.
The other thing is to make friends maybe from the NE who are in Cali but don't make the bad mistake of only getting together to b**** about what you miss back home, instead figure out how you can bring a bit of home to you there.
I don't know if my ramble helps but I wish you luck.
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Old 10-10-2007, 01:59 AM
 
17 posts, read 65,747 times
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I have lived in CA for 9 years. I moved to LA from Boston. At first I liked it. I was so young, and it was exciting to be immersed in a lively city such as L.A.. I have had so many bad experiences here, I could write a book. I won't do that, but I will say that overpopulation, crime/illegal immigration, irresponsible people, and outrageous home prices have turned me off. CA used to be nice, but I believe the place is a living hell now.

I stay here because I am used to it. My work and business is here, and I can escape from my family. At night I take classes at various universities, I like that very much. I don't move back East because I am bored with it. I don't want to re-adjust or move backward. If CA leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and you like it better at home, I suggest going back. CA has a dark future, and you would be better off in the East.
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