Help me with "Miss," "Ma'am," "Mr." (Lake Charles: high school, camp)

[kayanne]

I've been living in Lake Charles for a couple of months now (my first time to live anywhere in the south). I know I've already offended at least one woman by calling her "Cindy" rather than "Miss Cindy." (oops, sorry, I just didn't know better.)

My husband says that everyone at his work calls him "Mr. Bob." In all the cities we've lived up north, he was called either "Bob" or "Mr. Smith."

I had a conversation with a cashier recently about using "Ma'am" and she said that if she had ever failed to say "Ma'am" as a kid, she would have been beaten. (maybe exaggerating, I don't know).

At any rate, I feel "fake" using these terms, and am not even sure when I should use them. If I'm speaking to a woman younger than me, and I don't know her name, should I use "Ma'am"? If I know someone's first name, should I always use "Miss" or "Mr" with it? Or is that only a formality used in a business situation, but not among friends? Are southerners in general fairly understanding that northerners aren't accustomed to using these titles, and that we mean no disrespect by omitting them?

[WesternPilgrim]

Great questions. I too await the answers!

[WesternPilgrim]

Also, as you are a northerner, I would love to know your own impressions of Lake Charles, good and bad.

[suzy_q2010]

//www.city-data.com/forum/north...d-thing-7.html

http://btdas.blogspot.com/2010/02/ye...etiquette.html

I was born and reared in GA, and use of ma'am and sir was expected. It was used primarily to address one's elders. The first time I was called "ma'am" was by a younger student when I was working in my high school library. I was sixteen years old.

Now that I am of an age where I am often the elder, I will use it for someone younger. For example, if someone holds the door for me, I will say, "Thank you, sir." even if the door holder is much younger. I've done it, with a smile, even if the door holder is ten years old!

I will also say thank you, ma'am or sir to store clerks or others who render a service.

The phrase you really need to be aware of is "bless your heart." It does not mean what you might think it does!

http://www.ignitepoint.com/?articleid=286411

"Miss" with a first name is generally for a lady who is older than you are. A child might call his friend's parents Mrs. Barbara and Mr. Bob, for example. A teacher could Miss Cindy or Miss Smith. A coach might be Coach Ralph or Coach Jones. In general, the person being addressed should indicate his or her preference at the first meeting, as in the kindergarten teacher who says, on the first day, "Hello, I'm Miss Cindy."

In a professional context, I would use Mr./ Ms./ Mrs./ Miss until asked to do otherwise.

[kayanne]

Originally Posted by suzy_q2010

//www.city-data.com/forum/north...d-thing-7.html

Beyond the Diapers and Spills: Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir Etiquette

WOW! I just read through all 4 pages from that thread. I see there are some strong opinions about this! I wish everyone in the pro-ma'am camp could understand that it really is just a geographical thing. Certainly I was raised to say thank you, please, etc, but we didn't happen to say ma'am. Now that I live in Louisiana, I will try my best to learn to show respect as defined by southerners, but "ma'am" is not going to roll off my tongue naturally just yet. If I sometimes forget, I hope no one considers me rude. I always smile at clerks, food-servers, etc.; I always have as my goal the desire to make their day a little more pleasant; I give complements on their service whenever appropriate. I think I'm off-the-charts on the politeness, kindness scale.....but when in Rome, do as the Romans, so I appreciate the explanations of what is considered polite in the south.

Thanks, y'all!

[CountryFisher]

At any rate, I feel "fake" using these terms, and am not even sure when I should use them. If I'm speaking to a woman younger than me, and I don't know her name, should I use "Ma'am"? If I know someone's first name, should I always use "Miss" or "Mr" with it? Or is that only a formality used in a business situation, but not among friends? Are southerners in general fairly understanding that northerners aren't accustomed to using these titles, and that we mean no disrespect by omitting them?

Of course you should use them. It's a sign of respect and manners. You'll get used to it after a while!

If speaking to a younger woman, yes it's okay to use ma'am. You can also say "excuse me" or "miss".

If you know someone's first name... it depends. If you're close intimate friends, then no. But if you're just co workers or mutual friends, etc. then it'd probably be best to use Miss/Mr.

[annie_himself]

I use them frequently. Even with little girls. I grew up saying it, I don't take offense to people who do not use these terms, however, in certain situations you would be foolish not to use them.

[kayanne]

Originally Posted by annie_himself

I use them frequently. Even with little girls. I grew up saying it, I don't take offense to people who do not use these terms, however, in certain situations you would be foolish not to use them.

So....what would these "certain situations" be?

[St. Josef the Chewable]

This is so funny! I lived in the South for many years, and so I've grown used to using "Ma'am" and "Sir", but I've inadvertently confused or possibly even offended people in New Jersey by using it. I once addressed my boss as "ma'am" and she looked at me like I had two heads. She insisted I call her by her first name. (She was also one of those "we're all equals here, we're anti-hierarchical and progressive" types, which, sadly, was not borne out by the way in which she treated her employees.) I was once helping a Southern customer take a package to his car and related the fact that my boss didn't let me call her "Ma'am." He looked at me for a second and then drawled in disbelief: "Well, what do y'all call her?"

[annie_himself]

Originally Posted by kayanne

So....what would these "certain situations" be?

Professional situations. I would include social gatherings as well but a northerner may not agree.