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Old 03-19-2009, 04:52 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496

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Good morning!
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was screwed!"
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Old 03-19-2009, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496
Wife says: We cant afford beer anymore. Man says: No more makeup then. Wife says: But i wanna look good. Man says: That's what the beer was for
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Old 03-19-2009, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,913 times
Reputation: 691
[size=3]sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose head gear
partially blocked the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an
effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, 'i
think i'm going to move to utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.'

the second guy spoke up and said, 'i want to go to montana; there are only
5o nuns living there.'

the third guy said, 'i want to go to idaho; there are only 25 nuns living
there.'

one of the sweet little nuns turned around, looked at the men and in a
kind, calm, voice said, 'why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns
there.'
[/size]
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Old 03-19-2009, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496
Farmer's DivorceA farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces." The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
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Old 03-19-2009, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,913 times
Reputation: 691
Quote:
Originally Posted by stacieberry View Post
Farmer's DivorceA farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces." The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
She probably asks a lot of silly questions 2.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:33 PM
 
Location: TENNESSEE
159 posts, read 512,505 times
Reputation: 48
hehehehee... you guys have me laughing so hard tonight.. great jokes...
so hows it going for everyone.. enjoying the beautiful weather I hope.
Have granddaughter staying all night again tonight.. and she is such a hungry little thing.. Don't know where she puts it all.
Once she goes home I will catch up to ya'll.
Keep them funnies coming. I am enjoying them.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496
Quote:
Originally Posted by Homesick4Home View Post
hehehehee... you guys have me laughing so hard tonight.. great jokes...
so hows it going for everyone.. enjoying the beautiful weather I hope.
Have granddaughter staying all night again tonight.. and she is such a hungry little thing.. Don't know where she puts it all.
Once she goes home I will catch up to ya'll.
Keep them funnies coming. I am enjoying them.
Doing good headed to bed now! Had a long day. Two of my babies hurt them selves good tonight! But all is good now. Enjoy that grandbaby
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Old 03-19-2009, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Wrangell, AK
297 posts, read 555,300 times
Reputation: 669
Hi y'all. Stacieberry sent me an invite. She said something about me being a funny gal...she should know that looks don't count in the dark!

LOL at the nuns.

Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls

1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. (Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.)

2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" (Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.

3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. (Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill,
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! (Women's restroom, The Filling Station,
Bozeman, Montana

5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. (Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort,
Dallas, Texas)

6. No wonder you always go home alone. (From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at
Beverly Hills, CA)

7. Beauty is only a light switch away (Restroom in the Perkins Library, University of Houston-Clear Lake)


8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. (Women's restroom, The Irish Times,
Washington, DC

9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. (Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Flagstaff, Arizona.)

10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. (From Revolution Books,
New York, New York)

11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. (Men's restroom, Murphy's,
Champaign, IL)

12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor (unknown)

13. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. (Men's restroom, Lynagh's,
Lexington, KY)

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Old 03-20-2009, 03:59 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,754 times
Reputation: 1496
Good morning its to early to be up! Have a good day.
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