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Old 03-15-2009, 11:41 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496

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A classroom full of first year Veterinary*students*were participating in their first day of*anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table. The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must*possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.” For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,”*the professor says. Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then*sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a*keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.” The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher*when you’re stupid.
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Old 03-16-2009, 04:47 AM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Quote:
Originally Posted by stacieberry View Post
A classroom full of first year Veterinary*students*were participating in their first day of*anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table. The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must*possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.” For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,”*the professor says. Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then*sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a*keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.” The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher*when you’re stupid.
Now there is a statement that's as true as true can be. Good one Stacie.
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Old 03-16-2009, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Well, I can't top that one Stacie but here's one.


A woman walks into the Louisiana Welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW!" the social worker exclaims. "Are they all yours?''

"Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the girls are all named 'Leighroy'."

In disbelief, the case worker. "Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?"

Their momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yells, 'Leroy!' An when it's time for dinner, I just yells 'Leroy!' an they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yells Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Then I calls them by their last names."
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Old 03-16-2009, 05:18 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496
Maybe I should have named all my kids Leroy! LOL. you might be from the South if… • You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. • Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. • Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. • You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. • You burn your yard rather than mow it. • You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. • The Salvation Army declines your mattress. • Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. • Your house doesn’t have curtains but your truck does. • You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it. • You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. • You come back from the dump with more than you took. • You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. • A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of home improvements. • You’ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap. • You use a rag for a gas cap on your pickup truck (or car). • You’ve ever hit on somebody in a VD clinic. • You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496
Little Johnny told his teacher I got a dead cat in my yard. Teacher: really how do you know the cat is dead? Johnny: cause I pissed in his ear and the cat did not move. Teacher: you did what? Johnny: you know I said psssss and the cat never moved!
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Old 03-16-2009, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496
Come on people this chat was out here for us to use! If you got a joke share it with us. No jokes? That is fine then tell us what is on your mind! These people were nice enough to get the chat started for us to help us get to know each other and give us a chance to just play around or talk so let's use it!
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Western Hoosierland
18,264 posts, read 7,540,601 times
Reputation: 5943
Good Evening people of Louisiana!!

broadening my horizons by wanting to meet new people on here!


let me introduce myself: My name is Gdude and I am from Indiana(The Great Hoosier State!)
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Quote:
Originally Posted by stacieberry View Post
Come on people this chat was out here for us to use! If you got a joke share it with us. No jokes? That is fine then tell us what is on your mind! These people were nice enough to get the chat started for us to help us get to know each other and give us a chance to just play around or talk so let's use it!

I bet you where a cheerleader Stacie. LOL
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdude View Post
Good Evening people of Louisiana!!

broadening my horizons by wanting to meet new people on here!


let me introduce myself: My name is Gdude and I am from Indiana(The Great Hoosier State!)
Hi gdude. What in the world is happening in Indiana?
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Read slowly and let it soak in.

A quote by the late Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931–2005
"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.
You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."
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