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Old 03-16-2009, 10:02 PM
 
Location: USA
2,796 posts, read 6,874,654 times
Reputation: 1901

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Ok I got one. If you can stand this oldie but goody. Has everyone watched "Gomer Pyle: USMC" ? On this show Gomer (Jim Nabors) had a girlfriend named Lou Ann, a spry young southern gal.

One day Gomer and Lou Ann were in a city park having a picnic and afterwards were laying on a blanket. Shy Gomer tells Lou Ann "Lou Ann may I touch you?" She says "of course as long as it's decent" So he caresses her arm (aww) and next he says "May I kiss you on lips" Lou Ann replies "Well I don't know Gomer, but I guess it would be all right" (mmm mmm mmm smack!) Then Gomer says "Lou Ann, may I stick my finger in your belly button?" Lou Ann replies "Gomer Pyle I think your getting a little fast for me, but if it will make you happy, go ahead. A couple minutes went by and suddenly Lou Ann exclaims "Go mer Pyle, that is not my navel!" With a big smile on his face , he says proudly "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!; that's not my finger either!
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:03 PM
 
Location: TENNESSEE
159 posts, read 512,405 times
Reputation: 48
Cajun Firefighter:
One dark night outside of Westlake , a small town in Louisiana , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
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But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From a distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Cajun Hackberry Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company, composed mainly of Cajuns over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down, it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Hackberry old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.. It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Cajun old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local KPLC TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking the chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Whall," said Boudreaux, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first ting
we gonna do is fix dem brakes on dat damn truck!"
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:04 PM
 
Location: TENNESSEE
159 posts, read 512,405 times
Reputation: 48
hdwell, ROTFLMBO!!! that is a good one, giggles.. havent heard that one in ages.............
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496
Lmbo yall are funny! Now my jokes seems so lame but I will go anyways
:Little Johnny Wants Some Ice Cream Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” He says, “I wanna play Mommie and Daddy.” Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?” Johnny says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down.” Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father’s old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His mother raises up and says, “What do I do now?” In a gruff manner, Johnny says, “Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:13 PM
 
Location: TENNESSEE
159 posts, read 512,405 times
Reputation: 48
ROTFLMBO!!!! OMG.. thank goodness for arms on chairs or I would have fallen onto the floor.. that was gooooooooooooooooood..
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:32 PM
 
Location: USA
2,796 posts, read 6,874,654 times
Reputation: 1901
ROTFLMAO Homesick! Fix the damn brakes, HA!

Ok here's one- There was a Cajun named Boudreaux who died and went to hell (now we know that really wouldn't happen, but...) and the devil greeted him and took him in to a chamber with a few gators. The devil left thinking he had one on Boudreaux. A few hours later the devil returns and notices the cajun laying down and the gators are all gone piled up dead and skinned. Devil asked, what became of the gators? Boudreaux replies " I killed the gators and made gator sauce piquante with the meat" Devil puzzled and remembered "He from Louisiana" Then he took Boudreaux to another chamber where he had to stand waist high in excrement and drink coffee. Later when old Satan returned Boud was smiling and said "nothin' like a good strong cup of coffee" Getting frustrated, the devil escorted Boudreaux to the third chamber and cranked the heat up high with plenty of tropical moisture. "There!", he said, "You gonna love this" Later when the devil returned , he met a smilin' Boudreaux standing in the chamber enjoying himself thoroughly. Angry now, the devil asked Boudreaux, "So what's the deal? You have been in three of my most trecherous chambers and nothing seems to bother you! I've got one more chamber to take you to, and if you don't become miserable there..."well, Boudreaux went to the chamber with the devil and this time the temp was like -95F and falling. So cold ice crystals were hanging from the ceiling and every wall and floor had a coating of ice. The devil looked and Boudreaux stood there just smiling away. "What in the hell is wrong with you, Boudreaux? I haven't found anything yet that you can't seem to take, but I was sure this was it. Boudreaux replied with a joy never seen by Mr. D himself before " The Saints made it to the Superbowl and won!"
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:34 PM
 
Location: USA
2,796 posts, read 6,874,654 times
Reputation: 1901
Stacie, LMAO. Good one!
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,178,423 times
Reputation: 1496
Well yall I laughed my butt off! (and believe me that was a lot of laughing) but I gotta go to bed 5am comes early. Good night keep the jokes coming I love it!!! Who know Louisiana people had a sense of humor! LOL just kidding! Yall are great!!!!!
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Old 03-16-2009, 11:01 PM
 
Location: USA
2,796 posts, read 6,874,654 times
Reputation: 1901
Good night Stacie and homesick and all.
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Old 03-17-2009, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,440,563 times
Reputation: 691
Hey, yall waited til I went to bed to get the party started.



VICK's Vapor Rub.

During a lecture on Essential
Oils, they told us how the foot
soles can absorb oils.
Their example: Put garlic on
your feet and within
20 minutes you can 'taste' it.

Some of us have used Vicks Vaporub
for years for everything from chapped lips
to sore toes and many body
parts in between. But I've never
heard of this. And don't laugh,
it works 100% of the time,
although the scientists who
discovered it aren't sure why.

To stop night time coughing in a child
(or adult as we found out personally),
put Vicks Vaporub generously
on the bottom of the feet at
bedtime, then cover with socks.
Even persistent, heavy, deep coughs
will stop in about 5 minutes and
stay stopped for many, many hours
of relief. Works 100% of the time
and is more effective in children than
even very strong prescription cough
medicines. In addition it is extremely
soothing and comforting and they
will sleep soundly.

Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio
and picked up this guy talking about
why cough medicines in kids often do
more harm than good, due to the
chemical makeup of these strong drugs
so, I listened. It was a surprise finding
and found to be more effective than
prescribed medicines for children at bedtime,
in addition to have a soothing and
calming effect on sick children who
then went on to sleep soundly.

My wife tried it on herself when she had
a very deep constant and persistent
cough a few weeks ago and it
worked 100%! She said that it felt
like a warm blanket had enveloped
her, coughing stopped in a
few minutes and believe me, this
was a deep, (incredibly annoying!)
every few seconds uncontrollable cough,
and she slept cough-free for hours
every night that she used it.

If you have grandchildren, pass this
on. If you end up sick, try it yourself
and you will be absolutely amazed
at how it works.
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