Moving from Dubuque, Iowa: Madison or Chicago Suburbs? (Milwaukee, Altoona: cliquey, apartment)

[jedifrogman]

Hello,

A little bit about me. I'm 36 years old and currently live in Dubuque, Iowa. I'm originally from the suburbs of Chicago, but I landed here for work after college in 2008. I'm very tech savvy and work in web development and computers in general. The problem is, even though I have an apartment for only $450 and all utilities paid and have a decent job, I don't think Dubuque is a good fit for me.

Dubuque seems to be a closed community. Sure, people will be nice, but the residents are cliquey and if you didn't graduate from one of four high schools around here, you won't be accepted no matter how hard you try. As such, even though I'm a member of a well-recognized volunteer organization here, I lead an incredibly lonely life. I don't get out much at all, I rarely get invited anywhere, and I've only ever been in one relationship my entire life, and that by itself is grounds for moving. Everyone here seems to know everyone else. You know the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon thing? I feel there's a maximum of 2 degrees here.

Dubuque seems to be the destination for 3 types of people: Those who are from here and never leave, those who come from elsewhere and settle here to start a family, and those who lived here, went elsewhere and met their mate, then came back. There really isn't a tech market; it's mostly manufacturing, health care, and tradesmen (builders, roofers, plumbers, etc).

Therefore, I am deeply considering a move. I'm eyeballing two possible destinations: Madison and the Chicago suburbs. There are pros and cons to both, and therein lies the dilemma.

First, Madison. I've been up there numerous times, and from what I understand, it is a very educated and creative town that's friendly to technology, thanks to the university. I'm a web developer, so that would work out well. My sister lives there also. It also has an abundance of social spots, and I hear that there's live team trivia there (that is a must, since I'm part of a trivia team here in Dubuque). Aside from that, however, I don't know anyone else there, and once you get out of town, there's nothing, just farmland, making it just like Dubuque, except it's 3-4 times larger. Is it large enough to escape that "small town" feel? I'm also not familiar with the mid- to late-30's dating scene there; how is it?

Now, Chicagoland.

The Chicago metro is MUCH larger (Wikipedia has it at 9.4 million) and there is a lot of cultural diversity there and an endless supply of things to do. Since I'm short for a guy, at 5'6", I believe I'd have a better chance at finding a partner due to the diversity. There's probably tons of social opportunities there in general, and all my friends from college are there, but I have no family there, though they'd only be a day trip away. However, it kind of feels like the area as a whole is chock full of more large business and financial oriented companies and might not have the creative sector that Madison might have. Still, all these companies need web-based functionality, so there has to be a spot somewhere for me, although I'm not certain what the job market is like. My mom says I should avoid Illinois in general like the plague, because of the state's financial situation and corrupt political theater. Could it really be that bad to live in Illinois? I suppose recent geo-political issues might make that a bad location, though.

Rent is going to be higher in either location. I figure $900 for a 1BR apartment in Madison or $1100 for the same in Chi-town. Based on the national average salary in my field, either would be doable while maintaining current standards.

I think there are ups and downs to both, and won't be able to really know until I pick one. Thoughts, anyone? Thank you in advance.

TL;DR: Single 36yo guy who's a web developer seeks to leave Dubuque Iowa for somewhere more up his alley, with more social and dating opportunities. Considering Madison or Chicago suburbs. Which would work best?

Of course, if anything changes, this whole thing might not occur at all.

[Meemur]

OP, I mean no disrespect, but 36 is a little old to be moving to a college town with the hope of finding dates. I don't think that Madison will be the best fit for you. It's also extremely cold in the winter.

A few years ago, I would have championed your move to Chicago, but with the current tax problems and many decent managers transferring out, I really can't recommend it, either. Do a little research if you doubt this claim.

My recommendation is Des Moines because of the MS expansion and also the Facebook expansion in Altoona. Dating-wise, I think you'll have a better chance of finding someone close to your age with similar values. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you're interested in meeting a partner in a white-collar profession, which isn't happening for you now because you know far more people who work in blue collar professions.

If you do move to Des Moines, you will need to put yourself out there. Dates will not magically appear on your doorstep. The good news: there are a number of affordable activities where you can both have fun and meet desirable people. Let go of the "I'm only 5' 6" blah-blah" and focus on being your best self. That might be part of the reason that you're having problems now, but I won't argue with you because I've only driven through your town. I haven't tried to date there.

[jedifrogman]

Thanks for the recommendation. Interestingly enough, someone I know in real life also recommended Des Moines. It is an attractive target indeed, though it is the wrong physical direction, so I'd be getting farther away from everyone in my family, changing a birthday get-together from a day trip to a weekend endeavor. It is intriguing, though, and does warrant more evaluation because it's only a few hours from here and not quite, say, Phoenix.

I do have to clarify; the dating problem is a major issue, but it is only a subset of an overarching social deficiency I'm experiencing in the Dubuque area. Due to the strong industrial presence and the agricultural and family oriented culture, I just don't think it's a good fit with like-minded people. One of the casinos in town was actually evaluating how to make its buffet kid-friendly. Somehow, I don't think "kid-friendly" and "casino" belong in the same sentence, but it kind of explains how deeply integrated the family lifestyle is with this community.

I am aware that dating requires effort on my part, and I have done a good deal of effort to that end. It seems that people don't go to the bars, for example, to meet people, but to have a night out with their pre-existing significant other. Moving is a very drastic measure and would only be executed if more conservative measures didn't work first. I'm OK with my height, as there is nothing I can do about it, but the extreme homogeneity of Dubuque means I often can't see over the people in front of me at the bar.

[zoomkay]

I think Madison would be just fine for you.

Age 36 can be challenging to make friends, but not totally impossible. As you stated, you have to put in the effort to create your social life. You also have your sister there to help you with that as well.

Milwaukee and Chicago are only short drives away if you need more entertainment and socialization.

As far as your career aspects, can you expound a little more on the "technology meets creative sector" position you are aiming for? That could help you add more options into the mix...

I say go for it. If it doesn't work, you can always move again.

[cfbs2691]

Originally Posted by zoomkay

I think Madison would be just fine for you.

Age 36 can be challenging to make friends, but not totally impossible. As you stated, you have to put in the effort to create your social life. You also have your sister there to help you with that as well.

Milwaukee and Chicago are only short drives away if you need more entertainment and socialization.

I say go for it. If it doesn't work, you can always move again.

This!

[brrabbit]

I'd vote for Chicago if you can live in a big city. Madison isn't bad too, especially since your sister lives there. Why not just start posting your resume to both markets and see where you get a job offer from?

[Meemur]

Originally Posted by jedifrogman

but the extreme homogeneity of Dubuque means I often can't see over the people in front of me at the bar.

We have a number of short folks in the Metro -- some are Asians. Some are just short.

Come over for the state fair, which is going on until August 20th. Even if you don't care for the traditional fair activities, it'll give you a chance to people-watch.

[twb0392]

I have lived in both the Chicago suburbs and in Madison, and I do not plan to move back to the suburbs. Traffic is WAY worse, everything is cement and strip-malls, and the amenities are a lot harder to get to. All the cultural amenities are in the city of Chicago, and it takes forever to get there and costs $40 to park for a few hours. Madison does not have everything that Chicago does (obviously), but you will use the lakes, the theater, the restaurants a lot more than living in the Chicago suburbs.

[pieway53]

Stay far away from Chicago (incl the nearby suburbs) and in fact the whole state of Illinois. In a few years when the bulk of baby boomers start retiring from teaching & other public service jobs, the current financial crisis will look like a walk in the park. Plus the crime! I realize that Chicago is 10x larger than Madison, but the crime rate is 2x (more likely much more but for creative counting). The public trans, the xways, the lakefront, and the nightlife has been taken over by criminals, and the mayor seems to have no idea what to do.

As for the posters saying that 36 is too late for a restart in life - don't listen to the negative nellies. You are only as good as your personality & drive, whether 25 or 55. If you make the effort to involve yourself, you WILL meet like minded people. Plus Madison has many non-natives, as college grads decide to stay on, so it won't be as clique-y as you say your current location is. Also having a sibling already there gives you some additional insights.

My vote is Madison.

[capoeira]

Originally Posted by jedifrogman

I'm eyeballing two possible destinations: Madison and the Chicago suburbs.

How about Milwaukee as a third option? If I can afford a $700k condo in the Lakeview neighborhood I will pick Chicago but if I am looking for a cheaper apartment or house under $300k I will take Milwaukee.

Here are a couple of the best posts I have read about Milwaukee and Madison.

//www.city-data.com/forum/1593363-post3.html

//www.city-data.com/forum/1659137-post7.html

Also since the Milwaukee climate is moderated by Lake Michigan it will be warmer in the winter than Madison. Milwaukee has a January average temperature of 29.4 compared to 19.4 for Madison.

//www.city-data.com/us-cities/T...d-Climate.html

//www.city-data.com/us-cities/T...d-Climate.html