Recently moved from Texas to Maine - question

[Elcarim]

I always find that people tend to be exactly who you expect them to be - good or bad. I also found that the folks in Maine only spoke when spoken to -which could be the reason you feel that they are being aloof. I just took it as reservedness and being respectful of our space. Maybe you could try to stop interpreting their behavior as "cold" and see them as more laid back, quiet and non-intrusive, which was my take on the attitudes we observed.

But when we did open the lines of communication (that really may take stepping out of your own comfort zone and becoming a "friendship initiator") Mainers were more than willing to participate in lengthy and lively conversation, and all those we had the pleasure of meeting and talking with LOVED the state and had plenty of positive things to say about it. We were told on every front that we would absolutely love living here and should pick THEIR town - always followed by a dozen or so reasons to choose it.

We never once felt anyone was in a hurry to end the conversation. On the contrary, quite a few times we were kept BY them and the friendly banter, standing in the freezing cold, desperate to crawl back into our cozy, warm vehicle and go on with sight-seeing! And that would be OUR environmental conditioning - not taking time enough to enjoy people and our surroundings before scurrying off down the highway with the rest of the rat race!! We'll have to get over that pretty quickly!!

You and I are from Texas, and things are just so different here! If anything, I feel that Texans are clannish, which is one of the things I've heard said about Mainers. I just didn't see it. Here, we interact with a very small circle that includes immediate family and a few of our closest friends. The rest are only casual acquaintances at best. We are a dis-trusting and cynical bunch, because we have HAD to be. We live in one of the most dangerous states in the nation, according to statistics, and we KNOW it, because we are reminded on the nightly news that we are in danger every time we step out of our homes or vehicles. It really conditions us and makes getting close to new people very difficult. You know how we Texans live by the "shoot first and ask questions later" philosophy! I think it may be spilling over into our interactions with people who would otherwise be our closest friends - if only we could tear down our fences and pull them close enough to at least check out the color of their eyes!

I feel your home-sickness in most of your posts. Though I believe that Maine is the most wonderful place in the country for us to have the priviledge of calling home soon, it is, admittedly, not for everyone. You seem to have a deep connection to family, friends and things familiar. You may need to come home to Texas. As we've all said a gazillions times on this forum, don't stay somewhere you're not happy. It's not worth the effort.

[treeluvr]

Originally Posted by Elcarim

I always find that people tend to be exactly who you expect them to be - good or bad. I also found that the folks in Maine only spoke when spoken to -which could be the reason you feel that they are being aloof. I just took it as reservedness and being respectful of our space. Maybe you could try to stop interpreting their behavior as "cold" and see them as more laid back, quiet and non-intrusive, which was my take on the attitudes we observed.

Nice post El--that first sentence is a particularly interesting observation!

[Submariner]

Originally Posted by txmom

Forest, there are some wonderful people here. I took my car in for service today, and the guys were awesome, so honest and helpful.

Write a check yet?

You do not need three forms of picture ID.

You do not need to use a local bank.

When you ask about this they will tell you that if you did bounce a check the entire community will know.

Dealing with local auto mechanics, lumberyards, concrete contractor, etc, as you hand over your personal check they say:

"Now how long do I need to hold this check before it is good"?

"You do not need to pay all of this at once, if you need to pay it in weekly payments that is okay, so if you want to you can just pay part of this right now"

Now I have never written a check unless it was 'good' before I signed it. And I pay in full; however all of these guys that I listed above have told me that they are perfectly willing to take payments, or to hold a post-dated check.

Two days ago, the local motor-rewind shop called me. He had re-built my car alternator the previous week. He wanted to verify that my car is now working fine, and that I had no further problems with the alternator. Who does that? This old guy contacts each of his customers a week later to make sure that their vehicle has no further problems, Who does that?

I love Maine!

... I haven't made any close friends yet, but I have met a few of the parents of my kid's classmates. We mostly hang out with my husband's family. It's nice, because a lot of people recognize our last name and know my husband's cousins and aunts and uncles (who have been here forever). As you know, this is a very family-oriented place, and I think that may be why people are on the "closed" side. They have their family and friends that they grew up with, and don't really need any new friends. Of course, once you start talking to people, they really start to open up...and there are some very kind and interesting folks here.

We also have a very common last name [common in this area]. So I have been asked many times, which local group of the family I am related to. I am not related to anyone in Maine. But with this last name, locals make that assumption.

... I wish I would have met you at the farmer's market - I think I went too late in the season (mid-October). My friend was visiting from Texas, and I really wish we could have met you! I always enjoy your posts.

The second Saturday of each month all winter long.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by Family of five

K-Luv,

I couldn't agree more, having grown up in PA and going to undergrad in NJ. I am looking forward to getting away from the passive aggressive culture here in MN and getting back to where people say what they mean and you deal with it. I do get some "practice" in with my friends from NJ, and will be in NJ this weekend, so I'll get a dose of "to the point" for a couple of days.

I am only three months late in my response!

Minnesota Nice is....Minnesota Nice is basically a form of social conduct in which people say hi to you, make small talk, or even jump start your car; not because they want to (yes some do), but because they have been conditioned to socially do so (hence passive-aggressive).

It is also being polite for the sake of not being confrontational, no matter how the person really feels about the situation (hence more passive-aggressiveness).

A Minnesotan will always back down if found in a confrontation (even if they are right and everyone knows it) simply to avoid an argument or possibly hurting others feelings. Instead of saying what is on their mind to your face, they will go around behind your back to their friends and talk about what an as*hole you are-but of course be 'nice' to you the next time you meet. Passive aggressive?

[K-Luv]

Whoops, wrong quote.