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Based on your post you are looking at staying in a bigger area like Portland where the gay community is very much appricated and active. However based on how much you want to spend and the taxes you are likely to end up in a much more remote area of Maine that is not as gay friendly. In Portland you will end up paying 200k with 4k a year property taxes for an ok 3bed/2bath 1500 sq foot home that is in an OK neighborhood and that house is still a fixer.
It all depends what you want. You certainly can live in the boonies for cheap but you can do the same in Tennesee for even cheaper. You seem to make a point that you want to be part of an active LGBT community and Portland offers that but you have to be willing to accept the higher cost of living.
I've lived in numerous states and the cost of living in the south is cheaper and there is no way around that. There are places in the south where LGBT communitys are very popular with also.
I also know of a very gay friendly town in Maine and it is Ogunquit and being a coastal town it doesnt get nearly as cold as it does inland. However this town is also very pricey.
@Timthegreat, I understand what you're saying about cities with an LGBT community existing in the south. However, I am not simply looking for an LGBT crowd to mingle with. Frankly, I don't care what your sexuality is. I can mingle with anyone and make friends anywhere. However, when I make friends, I would just like to know that they're not going to shun me because I am gay.
The other very important factor here is that I am wanting to live where I can legally be married to my wife and hve all of the benefits that come with legal marriages. Unless something drastic changes, the south won't be legally recognizing gay marriage for another 20 years...and by that time I will be getting ready to retire and who knows what could have happened by then to where at some pount my wife and I face something that would prevent us from being treated lawfully like any other couple.
We are in our 30s now and one of us has health insurance with our work, the other doesn't....and we can't legally both have health insurance, as a couple, through just one place of employment.
There might be some people in the north who don't accept homosexuality, but at least in the north, we can walk into a hospital and not legally be discriminated against. Sure, I might find some city in the south with an LGBT community, but when I walk into the ER because something has happened to my wife or to me, it's hit and miss if someone is going to be open-minded and kind enough to treat us as a couple...because the law doesn't. If a nurse or doctor wants to discriminate against us in the south, they can legally do so...and something could happen to one of us, and the other wouldn't be able to make any decisions or even be in the room with the other in their last moments.
So, up north, even if we don't live in a thriving LGBT community with lots of gay people and lots of gay things to do (Lol!!!) as long as the state government...at the very LEAST...the state government protects our rights as a couple, that's a whole lot more than we could ever find here. Living in a community where if we did hold hands in public, nobody would try to harm us, would be fantastic.
We don't hold hands in public here. Period. We've seen a few people do it, and sometimes people just talk...other times they will confront them. I just don't need that. You don't have to like my relationship, but don't mess with me, please...and in the south...it's not just your neighbors and the general public you have to worry about messing with you...it's the freaking state government. The south can be a very dauntingly frightening place to be at times (for minorities of any kind really), and at least having some faith in my state govt to protect me from discrimination, would be such a weight lifted.
If Portland were gay friendly and had low cost of living, I would already be there. Lol! But that's why I'm here asking you guys for any information you have about the wonderful area you live.
We want to relocate for legal reasons, but we also want to make sure that our neighbors don't hate us and shun us wherever we go. I didn't express ALL of that in the beginning, so maybe that information will help.
So, Maine, NH....or anywhere in New England is on the table. NYS is also on the table. We just need help steering clear of any pockets of people in northern states that will want to run us out of their town or will just generally be uncomfortable with us living across the street.
I am not trying to steer you away from Maine if that is what you got from my last post. All of New England is gay friendly and larger cities are obviously more gay friendly than smaller more isolated communities. I am simply saying you need to raise your expectations money wise to move from Tennessee to anywhere in New England because your cost of living will go up no matter what state you pick.
There are some websites that have cost of living calculators and you put in where you live and where you would like to move and it tells you how much you would need to make. For example if you lived in Knoxville, TN and made 50k you would need to make 56k to live in Portland, ME to maintain the same lifestyle.
Keep in mind that Maine has some of the lowest average annual salaries of any state (9k below the national average)so you working the same job for a Maine based company would likely make you less money while the cost of living is higher.
We don't hold hands in public here. Period. We've seen a few people do it, and sometimes people just talk...other times they will confront them. I just don't need that. You don't have to like my relationship, but don't mess with me, please...and in the south...it's not just your neighbors and the general public you have to worry about messing with you...it's the freaking state government. The south can be a very dauntingly frightening place to be at times (for minorities of any kind really), and at least having some faith in my state govt to protect me from discrimination, would be such a weight lifted.
I guess I'm going to have to be the bearer of bad news. There is virtually no where in Maine where you and your partner can publicly hold hands, kiss, etc, and not risk disapproval. Maine people are very independent and have a live and let live attitude. So, what you do in the privacy of your home, people in Maine just don't care about. Hence the legalization of gay marriage. However, if you come to Maine and expect people to accept your lifestyle when you throw it in their face, you are not going to be accepted in almost all of Maine. Don't confuse tolerance with endorsement. Whether it be gay issues, hunting issues, land use issues, or political issues, Maine people will tolerate almost any point of view or lifestyle until someone attempts to force endorsement. Maybe SOME parts of Portland (but not most) and maybe some highly gay-friendly southern coastal towns (e.g. Ogunquit) you could consider. Others may disagree, but I've lived in most parts of Maine and know what I'm talking about. It would be very unfair to encourage you to come to Maine thinking that it was San Francisco, it isn't by a long shot.
I've got three gay friends that live in Maine, one in Bangor, one in Brunswick and one in Damriscotta, and none do things to broadcast their sexual preference. They are happy, two monogamous for over 20 years, and respected in the community. They keep to themselves their private lives, and all their friends do the same. If you want what they have, Maine is for you. If you want the legal protection everyone else has, Maine is for you. If you want the approval or endorsement of your lifestyle, I don't think you are going to be happy here.
I guess I'm going to have to be the bearer of bad news. There is virtually no where in Maine where you and your partner can publicly hold hands, kiss, etc, and not risk disapproval. Maine people are very independent and have a live and let live attitude. So, what you do in the privacy of your home, people in Maine just don't care about. Hence the legalization of gay marriage. However, if you come to Maine and expect people to accept your lifestyle when you throw it in their face, you are not going to be accepted in almost all of Maine. Don't confuse tolerance with endorsement. Whether it be gay issues, hunting issues, land use issues, or political issues, Maine people will tolerate almost any point of view or lifestyle until someone attempts to force endorsement. Maybe SOME parts of Portland (but not most) and maybe some highly gay-friendly southern coastal towns (e.g. Ogunquit) you could consider. Others may disagree, but I've lived in most parts of Maine and know what I'm talking about. It would be very unfair to encourage you to come to Maine thinking that it was San Francisco, it isn't by a long shot.
I've got three gay friends that live in Maine, one in Bangor, one in Brunswick and one in Damriscotta, and none do things to broadcast their sexual preference. They are happy, two monogamous for over 20 years, and respected in the community. They keep to themselves their private lives, and all their friends do the same. If you want what they have, Maine is for you. If you want the legal protection everyone else has, Maine is for you. If you want the approval or endorsement of your lifestyle, I don't think you are going to be happy here.
Noted. We are not a PDA type couple. However, would anyone in Maine "flip out" and confront us if I were to put my arm around her on the beach or hold her hand while sitting on a bench? If so, what places in the northeast could I do these simple non-sexual gestures and most people just truly "live and let live".
TexKnox: Have you ever been to Maine? I suggest you visit (preferably in the dead of winter) and check some places out before deciding to relocate!
Nobody can promise you hassle-free neighbors who won't "shun" you. I have lived in Maine and NH as a gay male and experienced minor harassment in both places. There are backward people and sociopaths even in the most enlightened states. But overall I found people to be very tolerant. My impression was that there is a very active and large lesbian presence in the state.
It all depends on where you can land a job. The chances are that you will be FAR better off in the NY-New England region than anywhere in the South from the LGBT perspective. Even if you happen to find a not-so-friendly place to live in the North (by Northern standards), it will probably be better than a "friendly" place in the South. Personally I would never consider living in the southeastern US. Get out while you can!
Noted. We are not a PDA type couple. However, would anyone in Maine "flip out" and confront us if I were to put my arm around her on the beach or hold her hand while sitting on a bench? If so, what places in the northeast could I do these simple non-sexual gestures and most people just truly "live and let live".
Tex, I can only relay information I have gotten from personal observation and talking to friends. You might want to try some of the websites that deal specifically with this issue. Gay people in Maine will be able to give you their experiences which would be far more meaningful.
I completely agree with another poster about the Southeast. I lived in Georgia for a few years and they just hate everyone that isn't like them (a terrible generality I know, but it really seemed that way). Even in Alexandria, VA, I didn't see gays holding hands in public, and a gay friend of mine and his partner didn't hold hands in public there either. But, to be honest, I just don't look at other people much. Just keep in mind that the Northeast is the land settled by the Puritans............
TexKnox: Have you ever been to Maine? I suggest you visit (preferably in the dead of winter) and check some places out before deciding to relocate!
Nobody can promise you hassle-free neighbors who won't "shun" you. I have lived in Maine and NH as a gay male and experienced minor harassment in both places. There are backward people and sociopaths even in the most enlightened states. But overall I found people to be very tolerant. My impression was that there is a very active and large lesbian presence in the state.
It all depends on where you can land a job. The chances are that you will be FAR better off in the NY-New England region than anywhere in the South from the LGBT perspective. Even if you happen to find a not-so-friendly place to live in the North (by Northern standards), it will probably be better than a "friendly" place in the South. Personally I would never consider living in the southeastern US. Get out while you can!
Hello! Yes. If I didn't mention it before, we are visiting the Northeast in late August and early September. NYS, Boston, and Portland.
Any place that is super gay friendly is also super expensive. Provincetown, MA is a gay tourist destination and about the most gay friendly place in New England. You can't have your low budget and gay friendly. I'd recommend visiting it on your visit.
I do not have any idea of where LBGT-friendly is, or where it is not. I suspect that like with racism, if you where a member of a minority, then you would experience the 'feel' of a community differently from how a non-minority would feel it. I admit that I have no clue on those topics. Sorry. Anything I would say on that topic, would be guessing.
As you have seen; some folks live in Maine and they experience a high cost-of-living. While others live in Maine and experience a low cost-of-living.
From my observation, folks who were born in Maine are more often among those who insist that Maine is expensive. While those of us who are new to Maine find it less expensive.
I recommend that anyone come to Maine and rent an apartment. Even if it is in a dumpy pitiful neighborhood. It gives you a base of operations. A place from where you can explore each of Maine's regions. Seeing Lubec in winter, and again in summer is a great experience. Eastport; I can not describe in any manner that would do it justice. Belfast must be experienced in person.
Personally I think that the Common Ground Fair is an all time must see event. Clearly my kilt hangs at too severe a tilt, as few other posters care for the Common Ground Fair. We are all different, and that is okay.
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