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So in the span of time since I posted last, my son and I were hit with unexpected - though not shocking - news...and I will put it out there but please know I'm not doing so for sympathy purposes, and my ultimate response to it will probably disturb some people but it ended up here all the same, it's organic. My ex husband who was escaping parenthood financially, emotionally, psychologically and physically (including of court ordered support) decided for whatever reasons I doubt I'd ever be able to agree with or condone, that committing suicide is the thing he'd rather do than to participate in our child's life.
He did it a week ago and I've run the range of emotional responses, starting with anger and ending with a huge, tremendous sigh of relief. Harsh as it sounds, but his halfass presence in our lives for the last decade was a constant source of chaos and drama, and while the support funds came to a screeching halt, and family (mostly his) are swarming with suggestions for me to file for this and that benefit (he's military), and wrongful death, at the end of the day I realize that if I get caught up in that it'll be like he never died: a constant, endless question mark on if and when this or that check will show up in the bank...living a constant state of uncertainty is as suffocating and depressing as it looks.
So I decided that while it's always possible the convoluted nonsense of filing for stuff would end with 5 or 6 figures, I just want to be free of it all once and for all. I didn't realize how desperately I'd been clamoring for a breath from all of it, a break...until the permanent one just hit. Half the time I want to set his remains on fire for doing it and the other half I just say thank you for releasing us from the downward spiral he was on for years.
The part that makes me look funny at the universe is that about 3 weeks before, I'd started getting overwhelmingly pulled to just close all these doors and make a radical change, move somewhere else and do something else. Not out of problems or anything but just recognizing that I've outgrown a way of life I'd been doing "habitually" for years and fundamentally, it doesn't suck but it's not satisfying. I want to move elsewhere and try something radically different.
Coming from Arizona, I'm pretty sure Maine nails it in the "radically different" department. CD isn't the only place I've researched Maine. I'd started with the east coast anyway and the trail led to Maine over and over...and it truly sounds idyllic on paper but so did Arizona at one point. Sure, life can be a struggle there but this isn't just a state thing, it's this way across the country...depends on who you are, where you go, what you do, and how you go about it that will determine your ultimate lot in life. Some people can uproot and show up dead broke in a "depressed" economy, find a low paying job and make ends meet, fall in love and settle for less while others can do the same thing and decide it's the worst thing anyone could do and anyone would be insane to attempt it, while others can seize upon an inner entrepreneurial spirit and end up changing lives. Just because some people can't find a job doesn't mean it'll be the same prospect for everyone unless it's a ghost town with 100% unemployment :P
I just finished reading the 45 page Maine thread and saw a few people talking about gearing up for a move to Arizona or New Mexico and while warm weather and sunshine and true big sky peace and silence will be in abundance, Arizona has its downsides and they're not rattlers, scorpions and mountain lions. (For the record, having lived in Arizona for years, the ONLY scorpion and rattler I've ever seen were cast in an acrylic dome on souvenir shelves.) For those relocating from Maine and a constant water source, the Arid Zone will be a hell of a rude kick to the teeth. There are trees all over Arizona. They're all about as high as a one story roof top. There are regular water bans and that prevents most people from owning swimming pools. There are maybe 3 lakes in the entire state that allow swimming to cool off.
Most all Arizona is tourism oriented so anyone popping over from that cushy Wall St job is going to be SOL if they can't work on a tour boat or scale rocksides. It's 80% tourism and many place shut down come winter - so only education, medical and government jobs remain. The water ban though is going to be rough for people used to it in abundance. The ones who leave green pine scented several acres in Maine for the sunshine of Arizona will recoil at the southwest's idea of "yard". You know that strip of land between your front sidewalk and the street? That's the size of the standard Arizona yard, front and back. You'll be lucky if its 8 feet wide from front door to street. And most times there's no grass - it's all pebble rocks to cover the drip irrigation to water the 7 foot high tree. Not kidding.
Depending on where you go you're inevitably going to get pwned by a crafty Navajo con. They seem to take great delight in telling tourists and "awayers" about how they were up visiting from some podunk desert area off the reservation, their car broke down and they need to sell this watch or these necklaces or whatever thing they made to get a bit of money to put gas in their truck to get home. In real life they usually have well paying jobs in the utility power industry, make 10 times more than you ever will, their truck is straight off the dealer lot, and chances are on the order of 100% they're taking your money to the nearest bar to get hammered. They'e always broke...and you'll find it most prevalent on weekends when they're off work Not kidding.
It snows in central and northern Arizona and there are 4 seasons, and Prescott in particular is known for Victorian Row, very much brought in from New England territory. When it snows in Arizona, people ooh and ahh - but only people who are up at 7am to do so. If you wake up at 11, all you see is dirty chunks of it on the side of the roads and by 1:30, it may as well be summer. And you're probably wearing a tshirt and sandals. Well, it's winter so a jacket too, probably.
Prescott and Page are probably the main places with next to nil crime rates. There's the domestic violence and whatnot, and on the CD forum for Az there's a few people who squawk about the insane meth problem (but I think they forum hop and post the same crap over and over)...but in my entire time of living there I never saw a single person with a meth problem. In 18 years, the crimes I've encountered in either place I can count on one hand - the worst being the apartment complex I lived in a couple years back, there was an incident of an upstairs resident raping the girlfriend of the downstairs resident (or so that's what she reported), her boyfriend arrived and walked in on it and stabbed the upstairs resident to death. And there was a murder suicide in another complex, and one guy who got ticked off somebody's puppy romped on him while he was trying to sleep in the park cut the dog's throat. Oh, and when we were in a motel in Prescott 2 years back, there were a bunch of cops who showed up knocking on doors wanting to search rooms because some convict had escaped and was reportedly spotted in the motel...but he wasn't and it was the most exciting thing that happened crime wise in who knows how long.
Basically, if you were a crime writer in those places you'd end up taking a gig at Taco Bell to pay the rent.
Down in Phx, it's 100 times worse and being an hour away, things tend to be tense at times. If any sort of economic meltdown happened, I'd image no place south of central would be safe.
Now if I'd have posted those incidents on the Az forum to share crime stories it'd have freaked someone out and discouraged them from Arizona at all...but again the reality is that was the extent of violent crime I'd even heard about in 17 years. Prescott is low crime.
Contrast that to Maine where, if you listen to Stephen King or Jessica Fletcher, people are dropping like flies and there's some serious paranormal vortex causing enough mayhem that the only line of work that pays well is in the ghostbusting industry.
My biggest concern is the weather. I can handle everything else, all the objections raised in that monster Maine thread. I am one who HATES winter, I hate being cold, I hate trying to speak while my teeth are jimmying my bones loose. I would require buddying up with an old school Maineah to show me the ropes and help me work out everything we'd need to know, up to an including winter clothing....because my hoodie and hiking boots probably aren't gonna cut it.
Back to the recent events, his passing seems to have coincided eerily (or benevolently) to the recent urge in me to just close doors, shift gears and do something else, make new friends, move somewhere else, do something different, extricate from an outmoded way of life that has lost its groove and appeal, and his passing has literally freed me to do it. I was never able to go too far, or at least not radically far, because of the reality we were going to be tied together until our son turned 18 (then I was so done!) and he straight copped out and opted out. Suddenly I see this open door and freedom.
Between now and my desired departure date I'll be making preparations for the relocation and finances, etc. but I still haven't found a spot to light. I will spend time (my son and I both, that is) checking out different spots and getting a feel for it, and the right place will reveal itself before too long. If, for any reason, it doesn't, then I'll chalk it up to a radical vacation and we'll come back to Arizona ;-p
That all said, might I have a bit of feedback pretty please on the best time of year to "show up cold" in Maine at all, so we don't arrive to 14 feet of snow and white out conditions - or worse, tornadoes, hurricanes and tsunamis?
I would visit in November or December; that way you will get a good taste of cold, short days. You would probably find out whether you could "take it" or not.
If you absolutely couldn't stand it, then Maine's not for you.
For someone who cannot stand long, very cold/snowy winters, you must realize that New England IS winter....6 months out of the year. I would advise anyone with romantic ideas about the Northeast who cannot stand cold to seriously reconsider. There are many other milder regions, nice ones at that, to make a new start in life.
I would visit in November or December; that way you will get a good taste of cold, short days. You would probably find out whether you could "take it" or not.
If you absolutely couldn't stand it, then Maine's not for you.
I would amend that to visiting in January and February, the true test.
For someone who cannot stand long, very cold/snowy winters, you must realize that New England IS winter....6 months out of the year. I would advise anyone with romantic ideas about the Northeast who cannot stand cold to seriously reconsider. There are many other milder regions, nice ones at that, to make a new start in life.
(I can do our winters.)
Agreed. I think this state is probably not the best choice IMHO.
And your suggestion for February visitation - spot on. January through March for the best taste of weather that will freeze your nostrils shut.
As far as the OP's discription about AZ in the "off vacation" season, I can't say that much is different up here in the winter (although there is winter tourism to a degree for skiers and snowmobiling).
You've answered some of the questions I had while I've been researching. Minnesota also has a six month winter and I thought of moving somewhere with a better climate but I realized that, as a lifetime Minnesotan, I have planned winter activities; crafts & reading & at this point in life it may be too late to change.
Maine's beauty enthuses me & the cost of living there would allow me to breathe. I am wondering if there are senior programs like there are here; ie 1/3 income for rent. I'll keep looking & reading. I was stupidly thinking of vacationing in summer but you are right. I better try the winter to see if I really want to live there.
Attempt number 1,481 to put the perpetual canard to rest: Maine does not have six month winters. Or even seven...lol.
The longest winter I ever experienced (in over 40) was maybe 5 months. Most are around 4.
Attempt number 1,481 to put the perpetual canard to rest: Maine does not have six month winters. Or even seven...lol.
The longest winter I ever experienced (in over 40) was maybe 5 months. Most are around 4.
Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb, March, April...six and counting. (Winter to me is heating season, snow or not.)
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Not kidding. 
