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Old 01-22-2017, 07:47 AM
 
Location: North of Boston
3,670 posts, read 7,359,721 times
Reputation: 3634

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I don't think this "lack of protocol" is limited to Maine college towns! I think good manners are lacking everywhere.

P.S. I'm 50

 
Old 01-22-2017, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Northern Maine
10,428 posts, read 18,562,067 times
Reputation: 11562
Common courtesy and common sense both departed the scene around half a century ago. I miss them.
 
Old 01-22-2017, 04:29 PM
 
3,925 posts, read 4,093,189 times
Reputation: 4999
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevin5098 View Post

Sorry you have had trouble making friends. Just wanted to explain my comment so you would not think I'm some deadbeat millennial.
You misunderstand. I have no problems making friends. I have more friends here in Maine than I had in 61 years where I lived before. I know more people. I have more get togethers in groups.

What you misunderstand is that we want to take the friendships to the next level, and that is the most difficult. And so, we have chosen people that we have gotten along with quite well in the group activities, and selected them to invite to dinner to get to know better. This has not worked out as well as we'd hoped.

Last edited by mensaguy; 01-23-2017 at 07:47 AM.. Reason: Fixed quote tag
 
Old 01-23-2017, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Northern Maine
10,428 posts, read 18,562,067 times
Reputation: 11562
Slyfox2 observes:
"But you already know everyone since no one new ever comes into your community."

The local millionaires don't look or dress differently than everybody else. People from away would never realize thier status. I went into the town office one night and the first selectman was shaking his finger at somebody and said he should not have anything to say because he was "from away". The man was born two towns away. It was a revelation to me because I used to live on Verona Island and they asked me to serve on the planning board in my second year there.

When I went down to Austin Texas to receive an award, two of of my contemporaries said if they could take my picture they would rent me the tuxedo. I told them I hated to bust their bubble, but I OWN two tuxedos left over from a prior life. There are about 35,000 brokers and agents in our franchise and it turned out that I was #1 in the nation. I still work every day because I like the people and I like the land. I choose to live here.
 
Old 01-23-2017, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,770 posts, read 35,991,939 times
Reputation: 43492
Default Expectation

This isn't working out as you'd hoped it would. Is there a plan B?

My husband and I rarely invited one person or one couple to dinner unless we knew them quite well. We never asked them to bring anything. You expect a guest to bring something? That's for the second or third invitation. If they wanted to, that was fine, but don't count on it as part of the meal. Most will bring some sort of host/hostess gift.

Between the classy salad, 2.5 hours, and required return, I wouldn't want to go to your house for dinner. Don't get get me wrong; I did all of those things. I was usually an exemplary guest--but not all of the time. Stuff happens.

There are a lot of variables here. Where did these people grow up and under what circumstances? My mother taught me enough manners to get by, and I learned a lot later in life.

This isn't so much about Maine as it is about people.
 
Old 01-23-2017, 01:25 PM
 
3,925 posts, read 4,093,189 times
Reputation: 4999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northern Maine Land Man View Post
Slyfox2 observes:
"But you already know everyone since no one new ever comes into your community."

The local millionaires don't look or dress differently than everybody else. People from away would never realize thier status. I went into the town office one night and the first selectman was shaking his finger at somebody and said he should not have anything to say because he was "from away". The man was born two towns away. It was a revelation to me because I used to live on Verona Island and they asked me to serve on the planning board in my second year there.

When I went down to Austin Texas to receive an award, two of of my contemporaries said if they could take my picture they would rent me the tuxedo. I told them I hated to bust their bubble, but I OWN two tuxedos left over from a prior life. There are about 35,000 brokers and agents in our franchise and it turned out that I was #1 in the nation. I still work every day because I like the people and I like the land. I choose to live here.
None of this is what I was talking about, and you know it.
 
Old 01-23-2017, 01:31 PM
 
3,925 posts, read 4,093,189 times
Reputation: 4999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
This isn't working out as you'd hoped it would. Is there a plan B?
It was just a comment. I wasn't asking for you to come up with a Plan B.
 
Old 01-23-2017, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,770 posts, read 35,991,939 times
Reputation: 43492
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
It was just a comment. I wasn't asking for you to come up with a Plan B.
I wasn't offering one.
 
Old 01-23-2017, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
37,239 posts, read 60,963,154 times
Reputation: 30128
We breed pigs, so we have a lot of pork. We also attend various groups that have routine potlucks, so it is easy to bring dishes with our pork and our own organic veggies/herbs.

We formed a local chapter of a larger group, as such we host a monthly potluck. We say that people are "welcome to arrive from 3pm and food will be served at 5pm".

Some arrive at 3:30 with a dish, others show up with a quart jar of day ago 160 proof shine, and some consistently show up at 5:30 with food preps that need an hour to become servable food.

There seems to be a wide variety of methods in how people respond.
 
Old 01-24-2017, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Vermont / NEK
5,794 posts, read 13,889,593 times
Reputation: 7292
Perhaps a neutral setting would be a good place to start. We have friends who first asked us out for dinner. We expected to pay our share and got to know them much better. Everyone had a great time. Nice folks. So we've kept the good thing going. We all moved here to the sticks from some forgotten metropolis and we never turn down their invitation, or they with ours - unless someone's half dead with pneumonia.

We all had careers that have pretty much run their course and do have a lot in common. But the dining room, living room by the fire thing just never happened. When we go on vacation though, guess who comes by to take care of our furry friends... We'd do the same for them in a heartbeat. They just haven't asked.
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