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Old 02-04-2011, 09:41 PM
 
4,284 posts, read 15,032,718 times
Reputation: 3974

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For all you hockey fans:

Former Boston Bruin great Bobby Orr shuffles into a Dairy Queen, gingerly hoists himself onto a stool at the counter, and orders a banana split.

"Crushed nuts?", asks the girl behind the counter.

"Nope," Bobby sez. "Bad knees."
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Old 02-05-2011, 05:43 AM
 
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,034 posts, read 5,389,975 times
Reputation: 2165
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cornerguy1 View Post
For all you hockey fans:

Former Boston Bruin great Bobby Orr shuffles into a Dairy Queen, gingerly hoists himself onto a stool at the counter, and orders a banana split.

"Crushed nuts?", asks the girl behind the counter.

"Nope," Bobby sez. "Bad knees."

I heard it was TIm Horton. Nice one.
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Old 02-06-2011, 08:35 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,723,867 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Texting For Seniors

ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CGU: Can't get up

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL... ACGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up

TLD: Talk Louder Dammit

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil


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Old 02-06-2011, 08:49 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,723,867 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Irish tradition

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.


So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a
boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and
nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.


Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross
the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were
all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in
August, ya dip $h*t."




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Old 02-07-2011, 04:10 AM
 
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,034 posts, read 5,389,975 times
Reputation: 2165
Love it!!!
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Old 02-10-2011, 12:44 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,723,867 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Affordable Healthcare

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray and a pat down, and if you mention Al Queda, you get a free colonoscopy!
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Old 02-10-2011, 12:51 PM
 
1,453 posts, read 1,956,360 times
Reputation: 1732
Is this any less clean than some of the others?

As good as this bar is," said the Portlander "I still prefer the pubs down home.
On the Waterfront, there used to be a place called Eddie's Shamrock Cafe.
Eddie went out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Bub," said the Sugarloafer, "At my local Carrabassett , the Bag and Kettle, Uncle Al will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Thee County Man, "back home in my favorite pub in Thee County, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Portlander and Sugarloafer were suspicious of the claims, having never been north of the Mason/Millinocket line. Thee County Man swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?" Queried the southern Maine boys.

"Not me, personally, no," admitted the Thee County Man, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
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Old 02-16-2011, 04:57 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,723,867 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Does Wal-Mart Sell This

Because I WANT one!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sn4WF7z8__4
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:39 AM
 
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,034 posts, read 5,389,975 times
Reputation: 2165
Lmao
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:35 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,723,867 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Maine Satire Site

The Sardine Report

Maine's Fishiest News Source.

Sardine Report Threatened with Lawsuit | The Sardine Report
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