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Old 03-06-2011, 07:22 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,728,899 times
Reputation: 2676

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moughie View Post
Good one, reloop! You must have a treasure chest of great jokes!

I DO! He's a 70 year old retired friend of my father - he digs up some doozies!

For example:

RIPPED OFF ON E-BAY

Spent $50 on E-bay for a penis enlarger.

B*st*rds sent me a magnifying glass.



Oops...was that clean enough?
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Old 03-07-2011, 04:55 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,728,899 times
Reputation: 2676
Turnpike Authority Unveils Helpful New Signs | The Sardine Report
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Old 03-07-2011, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Teton Valley Idaho
7,395 posts, read 12,294,552 times
Reputation: 5432
I'm so glad you posted that here! Thanks to your other post (elsewhere) on this I've now spent about half an hour reading The Sardine Report!
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA/Dover-Foxcroft, ME
1,815 posts, read 3,155,063 times
Reputation: 2879
How much Cocaine did Charlie Sheen have?

Enough to kill two and a half men.
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Old 03-13-2011, 10:40 AM
 
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,034 posts, read 5,395,822 times
Reputation: 2165
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,

'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'!!
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Old 03-13-2011, 06:14 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,728,899 times
Reputation: 2676
Bwaaaa ha ha ha ha! To you too RMoore for the Charlie Sheen joke.
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Old 03-13-2011, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Great white north
88 posts, read 176,282 times
Reputation: 157
Man goes into the barber shop and sez "give me a haircut, Joe...I going to Italy with the wife". Barber sez" You don't want to go to Italy - food is terrible, hotels overpriced, people are rude".
Six weeks later guy walks into the barber shop and Joe the barber sez " how was Italy?" The customer sez "Joe, you were wrong on everything and we went to the Vatican and even saw and spoke to the Pope but you had to kneel and kiss his ring first.Barber sez"Well, what did he say?" Customer sez " Where did you get the crappy haircut?"
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Old 03-14-2011, 04:46 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,728,899 times
Reputation: 2676
Q: Which is Higher?

A1: Food prices

A2: Gas Prices

A3: Unemployment

A4: Charlie Sheen
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Old 03-16-2011, 06:32 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,728,899 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Marriage in Heaven

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident.

They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter shows up, they ask him.

St. Peter says, 'I don't know.This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sits, and waits, and waits.Two months pass and the couple are still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.


'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered.'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' say the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.


"'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts,'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'
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Old 03-16-2011, 08:55 AM
 
Location: central va central me south fl
123 posts, read 272,193 times
Reputation: 92
good one reloop, i can always count on you for a good laugh.
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