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Old 02-23-2012, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA/Dover-Foxcroft, ME
1,815 posts, read 3,094,505 times
Reputation: 2873

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Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a defense company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, "You're all part of our
team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria
for something to eat. So please don't trouble any of the other
employees." The cannibals promised to be good.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says, "You're all working very
hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our
janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"

The cannibals all shake their heads no.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others,
"Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies,
"You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Supervisors
and Project Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and
eat the janitor.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:52 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Love In Maine

Lol
Attached Thumbnails
Jokes- Keep em clean please-stop-running-i-love-you.jpg  
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Old 02-29-2012, 02:50 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Default I Fill the Tank - You Don't Crank

This reminded me of a recent conversation with the DS.

Enjoy.

Bob Marley - Dealing With Parents - Video Clip | Comedy Centrals Jokes.com
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Old 04-01-2012, 01:35 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Old MacDonald's Farm

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"

The other replies, "He had a farm."
...
The first asks, "How do you spell it?"

To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."
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Old 04-02-2012, 05:39 AM
 
828 posts, read 1,522,699 times
Reputation: 1036
Folks THIS really happened.

Back in '97 I was working at a gas station in my hometown [North Berwick] Right across the street is Pratt & Whitney. I had a guy pull up to the pumps and look around and said "does anyone here have the intelligence to tell me where P&W is?" So I told him go 1/2 a mile in front of a cardealership [just past the Post Office] is a road on his left go up this road just past the Cumberland Farms on his left THEN just BEFORE the railroad tracks he'll see a road on his left turn there and follow THAT road to the end, and P&W will be right across. He took off very snarky and I walked over by the station sign and 10 minutes later he came roaring up to the stop sign and looked at me looked at the building and yelled "Why didn't you say it was across the street?" I told him "I guess cause I aint intelligent enough to!"
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:48 AM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA/Dover-Foxcroft, ME
1,815 posts, read 3,094,505 times
Reputation: 2873
Default Four Marriages

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about
her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.







She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.."
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:15 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Default How To Avoid Visitors


Fred Marple presents "How to Avoid Visitors" - YouTube
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:04 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Default Moose Lottery Winner

Unemployed Moose Wins Moose Lottery
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:27 AM
RHB
 
1,098 posts, read 1,955,664 times
Reputation: 961
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:58 PM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,638 posts, read 5,622,663 times
Reputation: 2676
Seems legit.

Attached Thumbnails
Jokes- Keep em clean please-maine-state-bird.jpg  
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